Hey, You Have Hay On Your Gucci!

I was lucky enough to be one of the parents chaperoning my kid’s class field trip to the pumpkin patch yesterday. It was a beautiful day, perfect weather for hay rides and apple cider. As you know, pumpkins patches are not held in malls. They can be messy places, typically held on farms with dirt, hay, goats, feces, and chickens…you know. When choosing your outfit for this adventure, you’ll want to opt for things that conjure these words:

comfortable, easy, can get dirty, low-maintenance, not my nicest.

You get the idea. A lot of the moms did just that, but just as many dressed like it was date night, and by date night I mean walking the red carpet at the Golden Globes.

Why? Please tell me why on a day you know you’ll be sitting on hay and helping your child feed goats would you choose skin-tight hot pants, high heeled boots (Let that sink in a minute. Heels. In dirt), a silk blouse, your best bling jewelry, more make-up than I wore on my wedding day, a designer purse the size of a VW Bug, and enough perfume to turn away livestock? WHY.

I think there's hay stuck to my ass

I think there’s hay stuck to my ass

These are questions I genuinely want answers to:

*Was this their one chance to dress up and they’re just goin’ for it, balls-to-the-wall? Cuz if that’s it, I kind of respect that. But I don’t think that’s it.
*Do they dress like this all the time? Like even to the grocery store?
*Do they look down on “jeans/t-shirt” moms?
*I have to know what’s in the giant purse. I think there’s a dead body in there. Cuz it would fit.
*Do they smell their own perfume? Seriously. Wassup with the perfume?

Okay. Off my soapbox. *bows gracefully*

So I’m at the pumpkin patch with this other “jeans/t-shirt” mom who I really like. I’ve only chatted with her once, but I’m kind of enamored with her cuz she’s a big time runner, and I suck at running. Anyway, she’s super laid-back and cool. When she sees me she jumps next to me all happy and rubs her shoulder into mine. I was surprised cuz most people who I’ve only met once-ish don’t get cozy so quickly, but I tend to be super hesitant with touching and personal space so what the hell do I know. I have to say, while it was out of my comfort zone, it was endearing.

Later in the day, she’s telling a story and to demonstrate something she throws her arm around my neck. Again, I was flattered that she felt chummy enough to do this. I was in NO WAY offended or put off, it just got my attention because I’m so….I guess….not the touch-y type. With good friends, of course, I’ll link arms and hug and stuff, but I’m talking newer people. I’m certainly not a “hugger” unless genuinely inspired.

*before you get a visual of the hubs chasing me around like PePe le Pew, I do not have trouble with THAT kind of physicality thankyouverymuch*

This made me really think about how profound social cues are. Her behavior told me things about her. Things like: she’s confident; approachable; friendly; she really likes me; we’re friends. That’s interesting to me. It made me wonder what my posture tells people? Do I come off less approachable than I think? I feel like a friendly, harmless Labrador just (desperately) waiting for someone to play with…but maybe I look more like an uppity poodle. I’m not suggesting I go touch all over people – that would be so far out of character for me I would implode. But perhaps standing six feet away with my arms crossed sends a mixed message.

I’m very animated and friendly when I do, finally, talk so maybe that makes up for what I lack in positive social cues. I really don’t know. I sort of wish I could watch a tape of me at a social function and see how I act, but then again, there’s not enough alcohol in the world to undo the trauma of seeing myself on video.

Okay, so this was really two posts in one, but the events were intertwined so eff it. I’m efficient today, whatcanisay? And I wasn’t even drinking when I wrote this! Oh, wine counts? I was so drinking.

what kind of dog are you?

what kind of dog are you?

I gotsta know: How do you feel about personal space? Are you touchy feely? Do you like it when others are? What do think your posture tell others about you? If you were a dog, which breed would you be? Oh, and if overdressers drive you bananas, lemme hear about it! I LOVE your comments!

24 comments

  1. I am so with you on the personal space. No issues with the men folk but unless it’s a child I don’t really cozy up to… anyone. If someone I don’t know well touches me I will react inappropriately (some good stories there). But I agree about it being endearing from some people… I think you suffer for their sake in those situations because it’s your way of being human to them.

    I think I would totally be a Rhodesian Ridgeback (I have a 6 year old female). Because they’re red and supposedly smart but actually pretty dumb and they can switch from “let’s frolick!” to “I’m going to rip your throat out.”

    Also– I went to my state’s fair for the first time this year and I had NO IDEA that I was supposed to curl every single strand of my hair and plaster it into place before squeezing into teensy little dresses. Who knew.

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    1. Oh Aussa. You so get me. *sigh* I’m nodding emphatically to your whole first paragraph.

      I can see you as a R. Ridgeback! They are cool dogs, and you are one, cool lady.

      SEE? What is it with people dressing like it’s a contest?! They have to be uncomfortable, right? Oh well, to each their own, right? whatevs *throws hands up*

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  2. WE ARE TWINS…I swear to god. I am exactly the same, the labrador comment is perfect 🙂 I actually hugged a stranger the other day, well she was the hairdresser that fixed my stupid bad haircut, so at that point I wanted to marry her…maybe that doesn’t count.

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  3. And yes…I am comment challenged…the other thing I wanted to add was about the gucci momma’s…WTH? I have people come into the garden centre like that too, in heels, In the mud. Really? I guess I just don’t get it because I dress up about once a year, and only if I have too 🙂

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    1. I know! I mean, I don’t think I’ve worn a shoe with a heel since….I seriously can’t remember. It’s been that long. And I’m sure I was cranky about and took them off as soon as I could! but even if I liked dressing up (which is totally fine, I get it) I certainly would rethink my outfit on days I knew I’d be walking on farm land! Thanks for reading, twin. 🙂

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  4. I’m a physical touch person, but I tone it down with strangers, and sometimes with friends. My husband is not a touch oriented person, and it’s been a problem! He’s really good about it now, but in the beginning . . . we had to work it out 🙂

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  5. I never really cared people getting all touchy, feely on me. It is awkward and I am sure I usually just stiffen up when they are doing it. I will talk a lot around people I know but am quiet with new people until I get to know them, maybe because I don’t want to offend them with my sarcastic comments and cussing.

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  6. Ok, that’s what I really like about you. You are laid back, a little reserved, but totally sociable. Anyone of my friends or family who has ever met you absolutely thinks your wonderful.
    I for one am totally turned off when people have to put on an act, be over physical, and just basically put it out there all at once.
    You are my most unique friend in that not only have I known you for a long time, but it has also taken me the longest to know you. That is not a bad thing at all. You just have that air of mystery and reservation, but in this cool fun and funny, laid back way.
    You are awesome!!!

    And to add to the whole moms dressing to the nines for school functions… I just don’t get it. I see it all the time, and I don’t get it. I just tack it up to insecurity, which frankly, is a big turnoff for me.

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    1. Wow. Those might be some of the nicest sentences I’ve ever read about myself – thank you my sweet friend, Kathy! I’m happy to know I come off sociable, even though reserved. If I managed to make the amazing friends I have, I must be doing something right! Seriously, thanks for the kind words. I’m touched.

      You hit the nail on the head – it’s insecurity! That’s why the overdressers do what they do! It’s to keep up, or put on airs, or whatever, but it’s all about appearances which comes down to how they feel about themselves. Bingo! And yes, HUGE turn-off!

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  7. Boozy blogging for the win!

    I don’t mind the touchy feely thing unless it’s done in a creepy way. I’d give you a big hug!

    German Shepherd.

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  8. Ok so wee bit off topic. But must share. Few years back on school picture day Henry (age 9 then) was off to the corn maze/pumpkin patch. I was driving for that field trip. Perfect. Notes came home daily for a week advising parents that “school picture day and pumpkin patch day wardrobes do not match. Please send another outfit with your child if he/she is dressing up for pictures.” Pretty clear. Five days in a row we got this bulletin.
    Ok I pull up to school. My 6 passengers pile in. All but one have appropriate corn maze attire. The 6th is sporting a white velvet dress, white tights and black patent leather shoes. She’s adament she has no other clothes at school. Teacher shakes her head, mutters a quick “no other clothes brought” and urges me to depart.
    End of field trip time. Kids slide back into car. Corn maze more than muddy. White velvet is no more. She’s a sodden mess of mud. I suspect her mom had to throw everything out. At least the school pictures were at the start of the day.
    PS – I’m a hugger if I know you. Stand back ’til I do.

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    1. uh…mah…gah…I bet that mom was furious, but only with herself for not reading a freakin’ bulletin sent home 5 times! I bet that dress was expensive! Oh well, her priority was probably the photos and she got great photos so all’s well that ends well, right? lol

      Yep, same with me on your PS!

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  9. Well, great! Now I’m thinking about my body language and I am quite sure that these days it’s between “What?” and ” Geez, can we go already?” Yep.

    Gucci Mama is the reason I skip PTA meetings. They are always there. It’s like a contest to see who can carry the biggest designer bag and wear the cutest shoes….oh, and lately I see lots of big sunglasses. Trying to figure out which face to talk to exhausts me.

    As for the touchy, feely stuff….I’m okay with a quick hello/goodbye hug if I know you really well but I probably would have had a problem with the throwing of the arm around the neck thing from a relative stranger.

    Hmm….really thinking I may be antisocial.

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  10. haha! I totally forgot about the giant Kardashian sunglasses..omg! They’re getting bigger than people’s faces, it’s ridiculous! and why is Kardashian an adjective now? cra cra…..

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  11. I think I’d have to go with #2. They dress like that all the time, even going to the grocery store, because they’re just that crazy. I really don’t get it. I thank my lucky stars daily that I live in an area where shopping in frumpy sweats is nbd.

    I can so totally relate to the personal space/touching thing. I prefer not to think about how I must come off to people, because I’m sure it’s all bad. I envy the touchy-feely types, because they really do seem so confident, friendly, and comfortable in their own skin. Unlike me 😛

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    1. Exactly! That’s what got me thinking about what I must put out there with my body language! I really REALLY don’t think I’d survive watching footage of myself, but I also think it would be eye-opening.

      And yeah, you’re right. The people who dress up like they’re about to visit the White House do it ALL THE TIME.

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