Come See My Rock Hard…Muse, What Did You Think I Was Gonna Say?

I was lost, but now I’m found, baby!

I’ve been absent from the blogosphere for a few days. But there’s a reason. I was dangerously close to the abyss. The ‘D’ word. (not that one. the other one). It got really bad. No. Really bad. The doubt trolls were eating my brain. Wanna see what one looks like? Are you sure? Mmmmkay….

evil-scary-sinister-woman-tongue-out-11030656

I eat confidence and creativity!

Turns out, regardless how prepared you think you are to have your novel handed back to you chopped to bits, it bruises your ego and wilts your muse like a flaccid p….

petunia (what’s wrong with you?)

So there I was, trying to do the revisions as suggested by my editor, but finding myself unable to do so without hyper-analyzing every word to the umpth degree. It got so bad, come Monday morning I found myself paralyzed beyond the ability to blog – bleh! Yesterday, I deleted four – yes four – attempted posts and ended on the couch in tears convinced it was over – I was going to disappoint everyone who believed in me. I began to fantasize my escape route:  I would shut down my blog and disappear somewhere far, far away, where no one could ask me, “how’s the book comin’ along?”

I hear Borneo’s nice this time of year. I bet they have tree houses! Yipppeee!

tree-house-5264768

I could get those tattoos I’ve always wanted! Maybe this won’t be so bad?

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I wanted to shout out to other writers, “I know this has to be normal…but how the hell do I get out of it?!?” But how could I do that when I couldn’t even pull myself together enough to write a post about it? Last night I was going through emails when I saw I had one from Chuck Wendig’s blog. The title caught my attention: I think I suck and I’m not a real writer. Hmm. That’s similar exactly what’s in my head. So I read it.

***CUE THUNDERBOLT***

 Had I been able to reblog it, I would have. Since I can’t, here’s the link:

http://terribleminds.com/ramble/2013/11/05/nanowrimo-dialogues-i-think-i-suck-and-im-not-a-real-writer/

Let’s just say, THE M#THER F#CKING TROLLS ARE DEAD.

I can’t possibly do it justice, so you must read it for yourself (it’s hysterical, btw, as is the post prior to it), but my takeaway was (or what I needed to hear):

(1) every novel takes just as long as it needs to be written (2) it’s in the rewrites that you learn how to write well; you must write shit, to learn how to not write shit, and to find gold (3) a real writer writes (4) it took him five years to write Blackbirds. (That last fact took monstrous weight off my shoulders. Oh, and don’t panic. I’m already closing in on year three.)

Proof, you ask? Well, *wipes troll poop off shoulders*

I wrote the new first chapter today! AN ENTIRE CHAPTER, REWRITTEN. EVERY WORD. WOOP!! That’s the most productive I’ve been with revisions since…well, since EVER. My muse is no longer a flaccid p…

pentunia! (really, you’re awful) Now, my beautiful muse is once again a raging, hard, throbbing c…

cattle prod of power, ready to stamp my writer-freak-flag all over those revisions!

*BRING IT ON*

In celebration of getting my mojo back, and actually writing words today (oh, beautiful words! I love you!) I leave you with this:

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It’s that vein, right by his briefs. That’s what kills me. Also, if you don’t follow my Pinterest board “who put this board here?”…uh…you should. Link on sidebar. You’re welcome in advance.

And for the guys who follow my blog (or the girls who play for the other team. Btw, congrats on getting Illinois – woop!)

sexy women photo: Sexy women cowgrl.jpg

Thanks to everyone who cheers me on, has my back, and picks me up when I fall down. I appreciate you more than you could ever know. OH, and thank you Chuck Wendig. If I wasn’t already married and done having babies, I’d offer to have yours. But that won’t stop me from dry humping your leg should we meet someday. I owe you. BIG.

42 comments

    1. hee hee! I’m so glad you mention the boobed wonder cuz I wasn’t sure I was doing a good job with my hot-girl choosing! I’m assuming with the drool all over the screen and your lack-o-concentration that I did good. 🙂

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  1. Oh my – yep you had me at … what/!? Oh sorry brain fog setting in …. yes had noticed you were quiet but suspected you were living a life I am not and would come back with a vengence and write brilliantly. You did – write brilliantly that is. Thank you for this honest and exceedingly wise post. I shall save it and refer back to it whenever I need to look at that beyond gorgeous fellow – I mean whenever I need a wakeup call about w r i t e r ‘ s b l o c k …

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    1. hahaha! you’re so funny! Yes, keep this flagged in your inbox for WRITER’S BLOCK. Of course. Ahem. You can never say I’m not a giver, Kelly. When I’m happy…everyone’s happy. 🙂

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  2. First off, I think the funk feeling is getting everyone this week. I am glad you are feeling better and getting on with the writing. Just do your best and write what you want. Some will like it, some will not, but if it is “you” then you shouldn’t be disappointed with yourself. Next time your “blah” you can always send me a rant to make you feel better.

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  3. In the brief time I’ve known you I believe you have far more confidence, ability and perseverance than sometimes maybe you even realize and should, Beth! That would be crazy difficult to receive a tough critique of your writing. Been there (not with a book)! Yet, the greater picture lit up for you and showed through for knowing it was a temporary hurdle and event to empower you even more! The blonde looks a little high maintenance but you have my undivided attention with “your” tattoos! Keep powering on as you’re doing fantastic and a wonderful inspiration! 🙂

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    1. Wow – thank you for those awesome, amazing words, Mike! That makes me feel all warm and fuzzy.
      and I agree…the blonde…bleh…but I figured it’s what the “average” dude pines over. I totally agree with you about the tatted-up brunette! Now that’s cool. And probably way lower maintenance!

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  4. I’m still trying to figure out what the other “D” word could be.

    But, I’m glad you were able to find something to help you get through this difficult time. You are a great writer and funny lady. I hate to hear of you being so hard on yourself. I would like to know of one writer who DIDN’T get the first “draft” back without it being torn apart.

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    1. LOL, you’re so funny. (first dick, then depression)

      That’s my M.O. I’m pretty hard on myself in all areas, but it sure slows me down at times. I wish I could send Chuck Wendig a list of all my neurosis. It would be interesting to see if he could fix my BDD (body dysmorhic disorder). Or my anxiety, although that’s much better now, unless we’re talking social anxiety, which spikes from time to time, depending on how much of a handle I have on my BDD. *sigh* These are the things that keep life interesting, eh? I don’t blog about the “heavy” stuff. But I do like to laugh about it. 🙂

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  5. You can so do it. I joined Nanowrimo again this year and have 40 f#cking words. 40. It’s like when I type them there I am paralyzed. It’s dumb. I’m thanking you BIG huge time for reminding ME that it takes as long as it takes.
    And go you for the whole new chapter! You rock!!!

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    1. haha…have I told you how much I loved you lately, Kristi? UGH NANO! I love Nano sooo much, but it can drive you ape shit. I chose not to do it this year for obvious reason…I’ve got enough on my plate. I’ve done it three times, however, and I’ve been this far into November with 40 words and still managed to “win” so YOU CAN DO IT KRISTI!!!! Yay!! *waving pom poms*

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  6. Huzzah! I wondered where you had gone. I imagine edits must sting quite a bit (I’ll know soon– I’ve got someone bleeding on mine right now) but it’s also an exciting step in the right direction.

    Welcome back to the blog world! *happy dance*

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      1. Sadly it’s a true story.
        HAHAHAHA
        I think that statement about sums up my life.

        It’s about the year I randomly quit my job (and my life) and ran off to backpack in Asia– mostly about “the why” of it because it was kind of a dark time.

        We shall see!

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    1. Yes, “sadly, it’s a true story” could be the title! Hmmm. you should consider that. haha! I know you’ve referenced that time on a few occasions on your blog. That would be a fascinating read – I know you already have a ton of buyers! woot-woot! Very cool!

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    1. thanks, Gwen! I hope you subscribe to comments cuz I totally meant to ask you on your last post…that video of you singing was awesomesauce!!! When was that? Was that for school or drama or what? You sing amazing! It was late and I was tired, I totally forgot to mention it in my comment….blah! Plus I mentioned I was twice your age and then I had to drink heavily. ANYhoo….I hope you read this!

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  7. For some reason, I feel really hot and bothered after reading this post. And it wasn’t just the hot blonde. Weird.
    Congrats on getting your mojo back. And the one thing about writing is…you never stop writing. 🙂

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    1. SO TRUE, Melissa! Never ever. Got to just keep on keepin’ on.

      Why on earth would you be hot ‘n bothered??? It was the tree house, wasn’t it? I knew it. Does it to me every time.

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  8. Yup, I’m with you on the rewrites and the book that is taking forever. I’m just so jealous you have an editor, but that’s a whole other issue. I’ve been working on my memoir for years too. I’m in the “edit” stage, and feel like I’ll be there forever (that’s the 2nd time I used that word in this comment – see, I can suck as a writer too). Anyway, thank you for posting the photo of that hot guy – I’m glad I found your blog, especially today! 🙂

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    1. well, it was kismet then cuz your blog is wonderful and I’m glad I found it today, too! and thank you for sharing your book/editing struggle with me, the “I’m not alone” solidarity means the world to me, as you probably can relate. It gets me through those times where I think I must be the only writer who has to work this hard to get anything accomplished! But, no, that’s SO not true. We ALL work this hard. Keep editing…do NOT stop. Your story needs to be told. We (readers) deserve to hear it. thanks for stopping by today. 🙂
      XOXO

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  9. Yay for your new chapter! I love the way you celebrate. I struggle with content for my little blog – I can’t even imagine writing a book. I bet yours will be as fabulous as you are 🙂

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    1. Aw, thanks, Dana. *hugs* You’re so sweet. 🙂

      And blog content is NO joke. Holy Cow. It’s a whole other matzo ball fo sho! If I ever run out I can always just post photos of half-naked men, though, right? Amen.

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  10. The following comment is actually from my very good friend, Nick Costanzo, who went WAY out of his way to comment not once, but twice, however, it’s not showing up on my blog for some f#cked up reason that I have yet to figure out, so he sent me his comment via DM and I’m manually posting it for him. Thank you, Nick. This means so much to me:

    “I’m very pleased you have worked your way out of the block. I know you’re hearing this from everyone but it’s totally normal. In the old darkroom days with my photography I would sometimes go for more than a month not being able to do any printing. As you are learning to be creative is hard you must be in the right space. If it where easy every putz could be creative.
    I am just coming out of an extended period of not not creating. Now the flood gates are open and it’s Great but not enough time in the day to do it all.
    You hang in there girl anything worth creating is worth the wait for the time to be right.”

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  11. I am so glad that you have decided to come back to us! You are a brilliant writer, Beth. I needed to say that first. Now, on the other hand, I know what it feels like to want to chuck it all because I haven’t been wanting to write at all. I do and then I pick it apart and throw it away. Then my computer crashed and all I felt was the need to write. I was beside myself with the sense of loss and desperate enough just to post a few words that I pirated my kid’s laptop just so I could do that. It is a need for some of us and I believe you are one. Sometimes it takes a shock to they system or coming across an incredible lot of words to hit that home.
    Self doubt is indeed a monster and I am glad you found a way to squash it. I will wait for the day that book of yours is published and be first in line for an autographed copy.
    Oh, and thanks for the hot flash ;0

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  12. Writing is most definitely about re-writing as opposed to getting the first burst of words down on the page that will indeed be shit. I always find it a bit ironic how much writers tend to give themselves a hard time, and yet we do it over and over again. The hardest one for me to accept is that the novel is going to take as long as it takes. I look around at those are are able to pump out some fairly decent stuff on a regular basis and I cringe cuz that ain’t me…

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  13. It’s nice when I feel like a post was written just for me. 🙂

    Although I’m not writing a book, I’ve been doing a lot more critical editing lately. Sometimes that drags me down because I feel lost in the whole thing and get really down on myself. Other times I feel myself becoming a better writer b/c I’m getting rid of the shit.

    Here’s to working it all out!!

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