Who Are You Wearing?

This is who I’m wearing.

sexy men photo: Men Sexy img-145113qwth7bonnetaille-1.jpg

OH. You meant what clothes am I wearing? Of course. Of course. We’re talking real life. My fashionable, jet-setting, Oscar winning, paparazzi filled, rolling in diamonds, sex tape leaking real life.

Get your cameras ready. I brought it all out for the red carpet today.

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Now stop being so jealous! You can have this look! I plan to donate the entire ensemble so you can feel worthy and valued! For just $500 you can get my used clothes, which include but are not limited to:

That sexy, oversized, nearly twenty year old sweatshirt
Hot, slimming yoga pants that I may or may not have slept in two nights in a row
Thick, fuzzy socks
My “house” bra
and if you order right now, I’ll throw in the reading glasses. That’s right!

How did I look so sexy in that photo? Easy! Posing lessons. But I’ll tell you my secret. Shhhhh. This is just between us. Turn your back to the camera, then look over your shoulder, like who me? Β Give a serious look with a little pout. Wear no make up. And the cherry on top? Don’t wash your hair for two days. See? Easy!

If you look like me, food will taste better, your boyfriend will look like that guy up above, and you’ll be generally happier. Pinky swear! Because I’m valued more in this society than you…so you must aspire to me and my outfit to matter.

You want to matter, don’t you?

I thought so.

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This post was (obvs) a tongue & cheek look at the absurdness of award season, and is in honor ofΒ everyday women everywhere because REAL IS SEXY! Join in! Just visit a hosts blog (you can do that by pressing the photoΒ above) and share your own “who are you wearing” photo. You can also tweet about it with the hashtag #WhoAreYouWearingMom

Oh. You’re still here? Well, I’m in two places today. I’m cowardly, sorta kinda, pimping the fact that I’m also on the INCREDIBLE blog, The Insomniac’s Dream, where Starr gave me a safe place to be totally naked. Figuratively! Pervert. (oh, you know I like it when you’re pervy)

82 comments

  1. For $500 they better arrive au natural with your scent still on them! Ok, I realize that could go either way re: scent. Is there going to be an auction? Btw…REAL is hella sexy and you and some of the other B.B. ladies got it going on today. So much fun! WHO am I wearing today? My Golden Retriever. All over the bottom of my hair attracting work pants!

    p.s. Can guys submit their photos or is this a girl thang? πŸ™‚

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  2. My old sweatshirts caught up with me or they shrunk. So is your house bra by Genie or Ahhh. Those are the top of the line house bras right there! My husband loves them because they are “soft” – they are like magnets to his hands. He calls the VS bras “hard”. So you’re right REAL is apparently sexy. Sometimes I wear my VS bra just to catch a break from the groping.

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    1. LMAO wearing VS to escape groping, I LOVE IT!!!
      My house bra is actually a stretched out, minimal sports bra from Target, cuz that’s how I roll. It’s just enough to keep the girls from hurting anyone when I walk by, without being too constricting or obnoxious.

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  3. I love so much about what you wrote. HOUSE BRA. I’ve never called it that but I absolutely have those. And did we all get those fuzzy socks this holiday? I have four pairs that magically arrived in my sock drawer. I don’t even know where they came from! You are right, though, we have one of the most valuable roles in our society. We’re just not featured in People magazine.

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  4. Too many things to love in this post!! I’m not sure that I would pay $500 for clothing, even if it is already broken in; however, I may rob a bank to pay that first “outfit” all over me!!! um yum!

    Thanks for flaunting your beautiful Mommy-ness.

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  5. House bra – that must be what women who need to wear a bra wear in the house, right? I don’t have one of those. I’m lucky if I remember to put on a real one; it’s completely unnecessary.

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  6. You could look sexy in a potato sack!

    I am so over all the award shows and the over the top coverage of it. Very funny post and spot on!

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  7. Ha! I, too, have a sweatshirt over 20 years old. I think I even posted about it recently. And after my whole post on getting dressed, yadda, yadda, it is 6:30 pm, and I am still in my pajamas. Will get dressed to go to Book Club.

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  8. Right on Chicka! I’m gonna try that pose. I have a semi-reunion thingy Friday, there will be pictures, I may or may not wear mascara, I will wear a bra, and I’ll try that pose out and let you know how it goes!
    PS the fleece I’m wearing is 12 years old. So you know. You’re awesome

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  9. hahahahahahahahaha!!

    Love!

    I usually slump around in my pj bottoms and a tank top, sans bra because I don’t think I should have to wear one around the house πŸ˜‰

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    1. YAY NO BRA! My house bra is for the afternoons when I usually have a crap load of kids in and out of the house, and I never know who might knock on my door. No one needs to see me out of a bra. LOL

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      1. Well yes, I only have my fur kid and he ignores me from the time I get home till it’s about bed time and he has decided that howling in the hallway to attract his kind is the perfect bedtime gift.

        In your situation I see why there’s a bra involved πŸ˜€

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  10. OMG, Bethie girl, I love you.
    And you are so beautiful, you can’t pull off whatever you were going for – “I’m frumpy today?”
    Sorry. NO ONE IS BUYING IT, YOU HOTTIE.

    xo,
    S

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  11. Buahahaha a 20 year old sweatshirt? I aspire to such greatness. I have a fleece Old Navy pullover that was my brother’s in middle school. Let me do some math… if that was like… 1998 then that’s… 10 years would be 2008 then you add another 6 years so 16 years? Oh my God? Wait, what, really? Hold on.
    Yeah I just checked the math with someone who isn’t stupid and that’s right. I wear a 16 year old fleece. God, I’m almost as sexy as you. Almost.

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  12. That pout is gold. This is a wonderful idea for a link up (I caught a few others this morning too πŸ™‚ And I don’t actually own any non-maternity yoga pants, so if no one’s claimed those….. πŸ˜‰

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    1. You had me a maternity pants. I had a pair of maternity sweats for y-e-a-r-s after having the last kiddo and LOVED them. I think all pants should be maternity. Except jeans. Gawd those were hideous.

      Like

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