This is who I’m wearing.
OH. You meant what clothes am I wearing? Of course. Of course. We’re talking real life. My fashionable, jet-setting, Oscar winning, paparazzi filled, rolling in diamonds, sex tape leaking real life.
Get your cameras ready. I brought it all out for the red carpet today.
Now stop being so jealous! You can have this look! I plan to donate the entire ensemble so you can feel worthy and valued! For just $500 you can get my used clothes, which include but are not limited to:
That sexy, oversized, nearly twenty year old sweatshirt
Hot, slimming yoga pants that I may or may not have slept in two nights in a row
Thick, fuzzy socks
My “house” bra
and if you order right now, I’ll throw in the reading glasses. That’s right!
How did I look so sexy in that photo? Easy! Posing lessons. But I’ll tell you my secret. Shhhhh. This is just between us. Turn your back to the camera, then look over your shoulder, like who me? Give a serious look with a little pout. Wear no make up. And the cherry on top? Don’t wash your hair for two days. See? Easy!
If you look like me, food will taste better, your boyfriend will look like that guy up above, and you’ll be generally happier. Pinky swear! Because I’m valued more in this society than you…so you must aspire to me and my outfit to matter.
You want to matter, don’t you?
I thought so.
This post was (obvs) a tongue & cheek look at the absurdness of award season, and is in honor of everyday women everywhere because REAL IS SEXY! Join in! Just visit a hosts blog (you can do that by pressing the photo above) and share your own “who are you wearing” photo. You can also tweet about it with the hashtag #WhoAreYouWearingMom
Oh. You’re still here? Well, I’m in two places today. I’m cowardly, sorta kinda, pimping the fact that I’m also on the INCREDIBLE blog, The Insomniac’s Dream, where Starr gave me a safe place to be totally naked. Figuratively! Pervert. (oh, you know I like it when you’re pervy)
Love it! You a hot momma!
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Keep your hands on the keyboard, Don. No wanky wanky. I know I’m a lot-o-hotness to handle. LOL.
Thanks for reading. 🙂
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For $500 they better arrive au natural with your scent still on them! Ok, I realize that could go either way re: scent. Is there going to be an auction? Btw…REAL is hella sexy and you and some of the other B.B. ladies got it going on today. So much fun! WHO am I wearing today? My Golden Retriever. All over the bottom of my hair attracting work pants!
p.s. Can guys submit their photos or is this a girl thang? 🙂
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OF COURSE guys can join in! Check out Don’s post http://donofalltrades.com
I think you should totally do it – the link is up till Sunday. 🙂
Thanks, Mike!
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WERK it 🙂
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You know it! haha!
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Hi Beth, I would like to order your fuzzy socks 🙂
Great idea! I may join in – my roots are real bad, and the hair appointment is a week from today.
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THAT WOULD BE PERFECT! You have to join us, Tamara! The link is up till Sunday. DO IT!
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There’s nothing better than a 20 year old oversized sweatshirt and yoga pants. Thanks for linking up with us!
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I will wear this sweatshirt ’till it falls off me. 🙂
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My old sweatshirts caught up with me or they shrunk. So is your house bra by Genie or Ahhh. Those are the top of the line house bras right there! My husband loves them because they are “soft” – they are like magnets to his hands. He calls the VS bras “hard”. So you’re right REAL is apparently sexy. Sometimes I wear my VS bra just to catch a break from the groping.
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LMAO wearing VS to escape groping, I LOVE IT!!!
My house bra is actually a stretched out, minimal sports bra from Target, cuz that’s how I roll. It’s just enough to keep the girls from hurting anyone when I walk by, without being too constricting or obnoxious.
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In my best Joan Rivers: bitch stole my look!!!! I give it a 10. Beautiful darling.
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haha I forgot about that line. When I’m strolling Target in this ensemble, I feel like all us moms stole each other’s look!
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Yeah- we’re a pretty bunch. Most of the time, my clothes have dried food on them. I like to blame it on the kids. I can do that for the next few years.
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I have a house bra too: behold the power of comfortable! Thanks for coming to play-you look marvelous!
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YAY to the house bra! LOL. It’s just one step closer to my favorite, NO BRA.
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😀
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Thanks for playing in your house bra and fuzzy socks and all. xoxo Jane
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My pleasure! I would’ve been hesitant to play in anything else! Thank you, Jane.
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I love so much about what you wrote. HOUSE BRA. I’ve never called it that but I absolutely have those. And did we all get those fuzzy socks this holiday? I have four pairs that magically arrived in my sock drawer. I don’t even know where they came from! You are right, though, we have one of the most valuable roles in our society. We’re just not featured in People magazine.
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I seriously got two pair this Christmas! Someone knew it was going to be a very cold winter!
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Sorry, but you still look gorge! As in gorgeous. Also mommy power! Real women power! Woohoo to not washing your hair! And thank you. xo
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This was SOOOOO fun, Katia! YAY lady power!!! Real is HOT.
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Totes. So is the guy in your post.
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Whoot to hot sexy mama you with the fancy pose and stylish 20-year old sweatshirt (I have those too!). Work it baby.
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Love me an old sweatshirt. Fortunately I have several. haha. Thanks Kristi!
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🙂 Real is where it’s at!
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YES!
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I think you look hot. And the good thing about hanging out with you? If I lose my reading glasses, I can always borrow yours!
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Absolutely you can use my glasses. But you can’t use my house bra. Lol
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I’ll be practicing your pose for my next big night! Hope I can get the sweats before someone else buys them first.
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Oh I have more than one pair. I’ll put some sweats on hold for you, with a special discount cuz you’re awesome. Lol
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My girl crush just got reals…lol! I personally love the look. Probably because it’s exactly what I look like most of the time! No Spanx required 😉
Love you, girl!
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UGH SPANX ARE THE DEVIL’S WORK!!!!!
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house bra.
i get it!
you’re still adorable in sweats.
Damn you. xx
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my house bra keeps me sane. I love it like slippers. 🙂
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loved the advice on the glamorous selfie!!
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It’s very vogue, don’t you think? Made even more so by my fuzzy socks…I mean, I ooze sex appeal. Lol
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I love this take on the prompt, and, yes, I do want to be YOU. I want to be all of us. Wait, I am you! Yay, me. And, yay, us. Real does rock! Oh, and I’m thinking I need to get a house bra. Thanks for that suggestion!
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HOW DO YOU NOT HAVE A HOUSE BRA???
Best. Thing. Ever.
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Too many things to love in this post!! I’m not sure that I would pay $500 for clothing, even if it is already broken in; however, I may rob a bank to pay that first “outfit” all over me!!! um yum!
Thanks for flaunting your beautiful Mommy-ness.
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Yeah, that first “outfit” is my ideal choice. I wear it as often as possible. More than my house bra even! 🙂
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House bra – that must be what women who need to wear a bra wear in the house, right? I don’t have one of those. I’m lucky if I remember to put on a real one; it’s completely unnecessary.
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*jealous* I would love to be able to leave the house without major hardware holding up the girls!
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You could look sexy in a potato sack!
I am so over all the award shows and the over the top coverage of it. Very funny post and spot on!
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Aw, thanks, Phil!! funny cuz my sweats are dirty so I’m wearing a potato sack right now. It’s pretty HOT.
haha
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Love this! I found you on Past MY Curfew and saw the post title and had to check it out. I like who you’re wearing! Today I’m dressed which means no sweats or PJ’s. Levis and a sweater and a real bra. LOL
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Thanks so much for hopping over here, Lisa! I hope you get to wear your sweats soon. 🙂
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Ha! I, too, have a sweatshirt over 20 years old. I think I even posted about it recently. And after my whole post on getting dressed, yadda, yadda, it is 6:30 pm, and I am still in my pajamas. Will get dressed to go to Book Club.
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I was doing the math and thought HOLY SHIT! You know you’re getting old when you have clothing old enough to be in college.
and YAY to book club!
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Right on Chicka! I’m gonna try that pose. I have a semi-reunion thingy Friday, there will be pictures, I may or may not wear mascara, I will wear a bra, and I’ll try that pose out and let you know how it goes!
PS the fleece I’m wearing is 12 years old. So you know. You’re awesome
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YAY to 12 year old fleece! I bet it’s SO comfy. And good luck at your reunion! go ahead, wear mascara. Why not? 🙂
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Laughing so hard at “house bra”! Thanks for linking up!
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Thanks, Deb! Glad I made you laugh. 🙂
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hahahahahahahahaha!!
Love!
I usually slump around in my pj bottoms and a tank top, sans bra because I don’t think I should have to wear one around the house 😉
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YAY NO BRA! My house bra is for the afternoons when I usually have a crap load of kids in and out of the house, and I never know who might knock on my door. No one needs to see me out of a bra. LOL
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Well yes, I only have my fur kid and he ignores me from the time I get home till it’s about bed time and he has decided that howling in the hallway to attract his kind is the perfect bedtime gift.
In your situation I see why there’s a bra involved 😀
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what a steal but unfortunately I just spent my last 500 bucks. sorry!
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you’re missing out, Mike. I know you want yoga pants and fuzzy socks!
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yes, yes I do. maybe when the income tax comes in.
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Hey Beth. You make me laugh! Just love it
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Likewise, Lanthie. And thanks! XOXO
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OMG, Bethie girl, I love you.
And you are so beautiful, you can’t pull off whatever you were going for – “I’m frumpy today?”
Sorry. NO ONE IS BUYING IT, YOU HOTTIE.
xo,
S
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Did you see the giant, 20 year old sweatshirt??? I was/am frumpy! But thank you for the lovely compliment. 🙂
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Gorgeous as always!!
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Just like my Janet co-star! 🙂
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I didn’t know other people did pinky swears! Awesome. Anyway, cute, cute, cute post. I think I will shower tomorrow, just because. Your post made me smile.
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Did you shower? Dying to know….
Thanks for reading 🙂
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Comfy clothes rock! Even though I made a point to get up and ready for “work” even though I work from home, I still find myself wearing my slippers and robe most days since it’s been so friggin’ cold!
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I know! It’s “cuddle up in your fuzziest, comfiest gear” kind of weather!
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Tell you what—I’ll trade you my stained (but very comfortable) “Squirrel Whisperer” t-shirt and a twenty year old pair of lycra work-out shorts for your outfit. Deal?
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Uh….I think I’ll keep my sweats, but thanks. 🙂
(LOL squirrel whisperer!)
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Buahahaha a 20 year old sweatshirt? I aspire to such greatness. I have a fleece Old Navy pullover that was my brother’s in middle school. Let me do some math… if that was like… 1998 then that’s… 10 years would be 2008 then you add another 6 years so 16 years? Oh my God? Wait, what, really? Hold on.
Yeah I just checked the math with someone who isn’t stupid and that’s right. I wear a 16 year old fleece. God, I’m almost as sexy as you. Almost.
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LMAO! You are LEGIT sexy-town if you’re wearing anything a day over fifteen years old. WELCOME.
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That pout is gold. This is a wonderful idea for a link up (I caught a few others this morning too 🙂 And I don’t actually own any non-maternity yoga pants, so if no one’s claimed those….. 😉
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You had me a maternity pants. I had a pair of maternity sweats for y-e-a-r-s after having the last kiddo and LOVED them. I think all pants should be maternity. Except jeans. Gawd those were hideous.
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As a writer who works from home- I’m not even going to tell you what I look like/wear on a normal day.
I do “make-up” to go out into the world. IE: Jeans and t-shirts. Some makeup.
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Our “out in the world” outfits are strikingly similar. I’m a jeans and t-shirt girl through and through!
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Haha, this was amazing. 🙂
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Thanks, Beth! 🙂
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Omygosh I just saw your email….Do you get called Bethie, too?
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