Shit Just Got Real, People.

So this chick asks me to do a guest post on her blog, and I’m all, sure, no big whoop, whatevs.

Or maybe I actually went all,  *squeeeeeee* like a little girl and yelled 

YES! YES! YES!

Perhaps you’ve heard of her?

AUSSA LORENS.

She just so happens to be my favorite HACKER, NINJA, HOOKER, SPY on the planet!

PLEASE head over to her genius, hilarious, addictive blog and see what I had to share over there. It’s a doozie in pure Beth form.

44 comments

    1. Two cups, Deanna. You’re going to need two cups, and maybe a little something-somethin’ to slip in there. (wait, that sounded bad. I meant pour a little liquor in your cofffee, not…never mind. ===backs away slowly===)

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  8. Wow, on your story over there Beth (aka Clarice)! I shared a story on that post. Another great job on a guest post, our dear friend! 🙂

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  13. Auusa’s like good heroin. You see her from a distance and you’re like, “Nooo. Noooooo! Don’t go there………!!!” And then you click on this…just to see what it’s about, and click on that to read more…before you know it, you’ve become a complete junkie and if you try to stop- you’re screwed. Full blown shakes.

    It’s not pretty!

    I tried to dry up a while back. I shut down the computer and lay in bed thinking and really, just staring off. It went something like this:

    “Did her Dad really look at gay porn?! I’m going to have to remember to check that out.”

    [Multiply that by 10 equally bizarre questions that pertain to Wanda and the rest of her coworkers.]

    That Aussa needs her own sitcom, I tell you. Where do sign the petition?!

    I totally haven’t done heroin, by the way.
    (Or Aussa!) But I do love her to death. :0)

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    1. I feel like your entire comment should be the blurb for her book! haha! And, Yes, I would sign that petition (correction noted, Type A) in a HEART BEAT. She’s a blogging dynamo, genuinely. Thank god her life has been so weird and we all get to partake in it, right??

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      1. Believe me, I can hold my own with her in the “you’d never believe this happened to me” department. (Pick a card, any card: running away from home and joining a carnival -for one whole day- driving with my x on the hood of my car- long story- becoming a stripper- wasn’t THAT fun? Getting trash and getting a coat-hanger brand on my right arm- with an accompanying one on my right butt cheek- the best part? Cutting out the gangrene with a knife.)

        And that’s just a few sentences from one chapter of the book I SHOULD write. (But probably never will.) Pleasure meeting you. :0)

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        1. SWEETBABYJESUS you have some awesome shit to write about!!! OMG. I had to read that twice hahaha! Wow. You know I’m dying to know details now, right? How can you leave me hanging like that? I mean……you had gangrene? You were a carny? I need more……

          Great meeting you, too! You’re awesome.

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          1. Heheh….yes. And it’s all true!

            I’ll write a special post for you in a bit. ;0) I don’t tell people 1/2 the stuff about me because I swear, they’d think I was making it up but no- some of us really DO have lives that are only in the movies…heh. I have a killer brand on my right arm out of the deal though! When I want to get the message across that I don’t want to be messed with (you know, PMS days at the grocery store, etc.) I’m sure to wear a tank top so people see that I have a coat-hanger brand and I am NOT to be messed with.

            Hehe… (Seriously though, it’s a great conversation piece for adults, but it’s hell trying to explain to an 8 year old that Aunt Birgy “tripped and fell on a hot coat hanger”. I have to use discretion with this puppy- the looks from strangers are…interesting. :0) (But I’ll take a pic of it and devote the entire post to you, simply because, you rock like that!)

            xo

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            1. *grinning HUGE* I can’t WAIT to see your post! I’m so excited. Me thinks you should write more about your life. So many people have stories; it will either give your readers a feeling of solidarity, or maybe even inspire their own writing.

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  15. Is Chapter 2 about how you shared a bedroom with your boyfriend while staying with his parents and married sister and brother in law? There has to be a story there as well.

    Oh, and ew, ew, ew, ew , EW.

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    1. Dyanne, there were other stories from that trip (I can only assume) but my memory is completely stuck on replay, over and over seeing the horror on my face in those mirrors! ACK GROSS.

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Speak to me! I wanna hear ya!