My face must be wrinkle free, despite forty-three years soaking up sun on this planet. My tits need to be full and perky, even though two children sucked them dry. My ass should be round and tight like a ripe peach regardless of gravity and lack of lunges. My body and face are expected to be hairless and flawless, my toes perfectly polished on the end of callous-free feet. And then I open a magazine and find out I’ve been evidently neglectful of another area: my vaheina.
What. The. Fuck.
And here I thought the three R’s were Reduce, Reuse, Recycle.
I get it to some degree. Childbirth can shred your junk, resulting in genuine insecurity and embarrassment. Sure. Get that shit fixed if you feel you need to.
Maybe I’d be more concerned if my hoo-ha was being featured in Lady Gardens magazine. Or if I fear I’ll accidently show it to my chiropractor again. Until then, I’m good.
But hymenoplasty? Who wants their hymen back? Maybe I’m missing something…please explain this to me. If it’s fo real, I’ll put it on my Christmas list.
And G-spot shots? A SHOT. IN MAH VAG.
How could this possibly be worth a needle in my situation? So I looked it up. The shot (hyaluronan, a collagen based filler) claims to make the G-spot area larger for more frequent and intense multiple and/or spontaneous orgasms. I admit, that’s intriguing. Supposedly, it’s a painless procedure (said a man, probably) which can cost up to $1,000 and lasts roughly four months. Women are doing this in droves.
Ya’ll. There are even G-spot parties. That brings a whole new meaning to, “I’ll bring the spread.”
I can’t even….
….or could I? Is the new “pamper me” splurge a mani/pedi/vagi?
Would you? Could you? Have you? Dying to hear your thoughts on this?
The g-shot shot does sound intriguing. But nope I couldn’t. I wouldn’t couldn’t in my hoo-ha and definitely not every four months. A lifetime shot? Maybe.
LikeLiked by 1 person
yes. Maybe a lifetime shot! Under anesthesia. And I get a foot rub and chocolate afterwards, in addition to frequent, intense orgasms.
LikeLike
It’s not enough that I’ve lasered every last hair off that area, now I have to give it a face lift. Oh fuck no.
LikeLiked by 2 people
I know, right??? I mean, shit. Let me have ONE AREA I can leave the fuck alone!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Yeah, I don’t think I’m going to google vaginoplasty.
Because some things should stay a mystery to guys.
LikeLike
Hell, I wish it’d stayed a mystery to me, too, Guap! Are you sure, though? Want to get together, and have popcorn, and watch a hymenoplasty?
LikeLike
I’d love to, but I’m getting my feet scraped that day, =D
LikeLiked by 1 person
What’s this G spot you speak of? …………………..(kidding of course ladies,wink)
LikeLiked by 3 people
hahahaha I can’t even find it half the time I feel sorry for the menz.
LikeLiked by 2 people
Bawhahahaha. I think the third Indiana Jones was originally written about the G spot. #MovieFacts
LikeLiked by 2 people
I would let Indiana Jones go on a G-spot exploration deep in the bush any. time.
#archaeologyissexy
LikeLiked by 2 people
Well he does have a whip….
LikeLiked by 1 person
*shiver*
LikeLike
The only “injection” I want to or near my G spot is the by the guy I happen to be getting it on with. And there better not be needles involved.
I have heard the hymen restoration is popular in some cultures where there is actual shame to a family if their daughter is not a virgin on her wedding night, but I didn’t think that was an issue here.
LikeLiked by 2 people
You want a hot beef injection. That’s right, I know.
LikeLiked by 1 person
don’t we all? 🙂
LikeLike
yes, I’ve heard of it in other cultures, too, which is why I’m dying to know the need for it in America?!? Is it a desire to relive popping the cherry, or what? Cuz, no thanks.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Right? Cause popping the cherry was such a good time, I just want to relive it over and over.
LikeLiked by 2 people
*nods* oh yeah. Can’t wait for that awkwardness + pain + confusion + worst sex ever again
LikeLiked by 1 person
*SUCH* a good time. And what goes on at these parties? Should I bring my pink bunny?
LikeLiked by 1 person
I think these parties are pretty much “anything goes”. If you’re going to get a shot in your vag for the purpose of amazing orgasms, you’d be crazy not to bring your pink bunny and try that bad boy out STAT.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Or maybe I should bring some needles, because apparently everyone is fine with sticking needles into the most sensitive areas of their bodies. Good times.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Yeah, I’m with NTT here – what happens at these parties? I mean, is it a before, or after, situation? Do you bring needles (like I’m going to let anyone jab me with a needle down there again, and certainly not if they have a vodka bottle in one hand, are attempting to limbo dance under a coffee table or have just been crying that Gary has left them for that tart down the Co-op) or is it a sort of orgy scenario where you try out the effectiveness? Either way, I can’t really see the attraction. I mean, using a depilator is bad enough.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Ummm… Sorry, but did you say “again”? As in I’m not going to let someone jab me in the G-Spot again?
LikeLike
Didn’t you have stitches when you gave birth?
LikeLike
Ah, an episiotomy. I thought you’d had a party (and hadn’t told us all about it).
LikeLike
Isn’t episiotomy when they cut you? I just did the tear and share version. Nitrous oxide is a wonderful thing but, even so, nobody is jabbing me with needles down there again. However massive it makes my g spot.
LikeLike
yep. they cut you and sew you. I didn’t have one though, I had two c sections. Big cut and sew, but no needles to the snatch. In fact, I didn’t even go through all that much labor– I nearly died, and they decided it would be a good idea to take the baby out. Good times.
LikeLike
yes….
LikeLike
I just want you guys to know that although I was out of town and not able to participate while you were having this extended convo in my comment section, it was mighty entertaining to witness. haha! Love it! You all can come over to my place and discuss vaginas anytime. Mi casa es su casa. 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
You KILL me! It takes a lot to make me laugh out loud, but oh my gawd, you crack me up!
I want to know, where are the penis enhancement surgeries and procedures? Balls getting saggy? Head drooping? Just a little nip and snip and tuck and you’ll be like a spry young chap again! That’s what I want to see when I open up Men’s Health magazine!
And hey, if your lady parts bother you or aren’t functioning the way you like, then by all means, have at it. But this is just another way to make us feel like we aren’t ok. And it’s a way to make money off of our insecurities. And a g-spot shot? Holy misplaced needle! That just sounds like so many things that could go wrong! I’m wondering, what does one wear to a g-spot party? I thinks someone, a blogger, needs to go to one and write about it for all of us. I want to know what goes down at a g-spot party… I nominate Samara.
LikeLiked by 2 people
You bring up so many good points, Gretchen!!! What would I wear to a G-spot partay? I mean, you want easy access, so a skirt, right?
And yeah, where are the expectations for men’s junk? I want firm, hairless balls. I mean, as long as we’re throwing out requests. I’m going to open a penis rejuvenation clinic and name it “JUST THE TIP”.
LikeLiked by 2 people
If we get to pick, then I want big, not too thick, and separated from the man. I think at a party we should be able to choose the penis and then attach it on the man of our choice.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I like the way you think. *bossnod*
LikeLike
I think a “Nut-Lift” is in order for any dude over 40. Maybe along with a tattoo, I mean they’re really not really very pretty, and much less so when they’re hanging there, all loose and bouncing around– like your mans’ thighs are a tiny testicle trampoline.
We go through all the pain and effort of shaving, nairing, waxing, lasering off every hair, and what do they do? They just whip out old Harry Sagging. We should start a campaign:
Say nuts to saggy nuts! Have pert firm testicles in one quick 90 minute procedure.
LikeLiked by 3 people
I should run for congress. I’d have the whole female vote, and the gay vote too. I’d take it in a landslide.
LikeLiked by 3 people
Harry Sagging….LOLOLOL
LikeLiked by 1 person
I used to know a radiologist at the local hospital, and she told me that whenever men were scheduled for a MRI scan, she had to ask them whether they’d had any implants. Apparently its quite common ( and I live in a very backwoods part of England) (but not the kind that you marry your sister) for men to have had metal inserted into their penises to make them bigger and heavier. She had to be quite strict with them too, because if they lied to her, the consequences, when the machine was switched on could be quite dramatic.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Elaine! Seriously?! I mean, I guess I knew guys did things to their weenies….but it’s that common to have metal inserted!!! I have so many questions….
LikeLike
Well, good luck with the research! It does seem weird, though. It can’t be comfortable. And, as my friend pointed out, if you’re in a scanner and they switch it on…suddenly you’d have a two foot long penis, or possibly none at all. Ouccchh
LikeLike
Or your ding dong would magnetically stick to the machine. Ouchtown, population you, bro.
LikeLiked by 1 person
yes. that was really what I was trying to get across. Ouchtown. And then, when they switch it off…back down to earth with a bang. No, it really doesn’t bear thinking about. Although the saying, ‘Is that a gun in your pocket’ now has an entirely new meaning for me.
And… I did see a blogger the other day who’d written a period drama about a woman who kept a gun in her muff. In fact, she had a special pocket for it….
LikeLike
Define muff.
LikeLike
Muff, in the UK, is a slang term for vagina.
LikeLike
Exactly. 😉
Although… extra pocket? Well, isn’t THAT creative? LOL
LikeLike
I thought so. Bit tricky to pull out in an emergency, although I suppose you could use it in a surprise attack
LikeLike
Hahaha, what the fuck, indeed. You couldn’t be more wrong about the doctor being a man, as apparently, men could never find this G Spot with their hands or tongues or whatever, let alone a tiny needle.
LikeLiked by 4 people
And THIS is why you constantly ask me about squirting. hahahahaha
LikeLiked by 2 people
You bring up a great point, Don. G-spots are elusive creatures, aren’t they?
LikeLike
Nature’s Rubix Cube, Beth.
LikeLiked by 1 person
haha awesome analogy. I could never get even one side of that damn thing to line up.
LikeLiked by 1 person
There is no way on Gods Green Earth that a G-Spot injection does not hurt. Don’t believe the hype. Take it from a sister whose had a colposcopy– that thing where you spread em and they stretch it all out and look inside your junk with a microscope to see if you might have cancer? Like a pap smear on steroids? Yeah, and then they scrape some of it off, and then, just as you’re all crossing your legs in horror, THEN, they take a punch biopsy. That’s when they PUNCH with a RAZOR part of your CERVIX out, stick it in a bottle and send it to a lab.
They tell you that doesn’t hurt either.
Don’t believe the hype. I know what they do– they tell you they’re just going to numb you up with this OTHER GIGANTIC NEEDLE FIRST. Because that makes it all better.
Leave your vag alone, ladies. If your vag isn’t the perfect peach it once was, it’s only because you’re older, wiser, and your vagina has reformed itself to reflect the new, better, you.
LikeLiked by 3 people
Now I’m curled up in the fetal position sucking my thumb.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I’m right next to you, Gretchen.
LikeLiked by 1 person
OOWWWWWWW! I need a drink or something equally numbing after reading that!
And YES. I’d like to think my lady garden is a perfect reflection of the older, wiser, better me. haha
LikeLike
The Snatch only grows more beautiful with age. Unless, that is, you stick NEEDLES into it every four months. Go to any specialist in acupuncture, they will tell you that they do not turn your lovely bearded clam into a porcupine.
LikeLiked by 1 person
“The Snatch only grows more beautiful with age” They need this on the door of every gyno’s office. Immediately.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Agreed.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Holy shit. Hoooly shit.
I went through this procedure without the DUBIOUS BENEFIT <–shouting here, see? of knowing exactly what she was doing.
Oh. My. God.
Now I know.
I am so glad I didn't know then.
LikeLiked by 1 person
how….why….do I even wanna know why you’d go through this procedure and not know WHY?!? Or vice-versa: you knew why but didn’t know how she’d be doing it?
LikeLike
Yes, says the woman who went back and had the frickin’ itchin’ scrapin’ stiches remove two days after childbirth, cause if it’s just cosmetics then I don’t frickin’ care and nobody else should either.
LikeLike
Can I get the G spot injection anywhere? If so then I get it on the inside of my elbow so I could drink greyhounds and orgasm at the same time
LikeLiked by 8 people
THIS. Just this.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Holy shit, you’re a genius, Helena!
LikeLike
Oh my GAWSH did I ever need this laugh today!!! You crack ME UP!!!! This is brilliant. Not the idea of shots in my hoo ha-G spot (first find it, okay? thankyouverymuch)… but your take on it all. Oh Beth- I freaking LOVE YOU!!!
LikeLiked by 1 person
The feeling is mutual, sweet Chris!! Glad I made you laugh today. 🙂 xoxo
LikeLike
Lol. Chris said hoo ha-G spot. That’s like profanity from her mouth.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I got nothing. Seriously.
LikeLiked by 1 person
that’s what she said last night. (I had to. You left it wide open)
LikeLike
I was alone last night, so she was lying.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I don’t know. I find it all horrifying. The hymenoplasty? Sounds too much like a way of satisfying someone’s need to pop cherries.
LikeLike
Yup. totally, Sarah. Or a need for someone to make money off of women.
LikeLike
I’m so HAPPY that Gretchen nominated me for the G-spot party. I’m going bring Helena and a pitcher of Greyhounds.
I guess I’m in the minority here, but I kinda like the idea of something that would make my G-spot as BIG AS MY HEAD hahahahahaha. But not a shot in mah vag. Can we just take a pill, like in Alice in Wonderland?
I love you, Beth. And I love this post. xoxo
LikeLiked by 2 people
Yessssss I want a second head G-spot! It would be like a giant goiter, but I wouldn’t care cuz I’d be cumming allllll daaaayyyyyyyy. hahaha
Truthfully, you’re the only crazy, NYC gal I can forsee ever attending a G-spot party, so if/when you do, there’s a brilliant post in there.
LikeLike
I cannot stop laughing today.
“A SHOT. IN MAH VAG.”
Hahahahaha
LikeLiked by 1 person
I love how you started your post!
Uh I’m not so sure either. I mean, I’m not pro-implants or any kind of surgeries but if someone feels like getting it done, it’s their choice.
Me? Personally, no, nayvvver! I can’t even imagine. It does sound intriguing but they never tell you the side effects do they?
Imagine ending up with an even un-tight vagina and absolutely sensation less G-spot!
LikeLiked by 1 person
ooohh, Zareen, that’s a good point! What are the side-effects? That’s scary!
LikeLiked by 1 person
I have no idea but what if something went wrong? Its too risky an option to pursue!
LikeLiked by 1 person
What if the risk was orgasms lasting more than four hours?
LikeLiked by 2 people
Is it really? 😀 *spins with excitement*
LikeLiked by 1 person
I would take that risk in a heart beat. The risks I wouldn’t take? forever numb vag.
LikeLike
Huh? These three Rs are new to me, too. I can’t imagine doing this stuff. This just seems another way to take advantage of the many things women feel they should do. Don’t we already have enough? Love this post though!
LikeLike
I know, Amy, that’s what I’m saying, too! Leave us alone already, cultural ideals! Let me have one place on my body that can be “as is” and acceptable. GAH
LikeLike
When I read about the G-spot shot, the first thing I thought was, “You mean I could be walking down the street, with my thighs rubbing together, and have an O right there at the corner of Main and High?” Yikes.
Oh do you make me laugh.
LikeLiked by 1 person
They do claim “potential spontaneous” orgasms. I can just see me helping my son with homework.
“No, honey, you have to carry the four…..ahhhhh,,,,ohhhh….OHGODYES!!!!”
LikeLike
I once read an article about a woman who took a pair of those (*forgotten the name – pair of balls vertically on a string and you wear ’em inside and walk around with them until…yaknow) grocery shopping, and she had such an intense orgasam in the vegetable aisle that she passed clean out on the floor, and security called the paramedics and then she had to EXPLAIN TO EVERYONE….
Just NO!
Also…seriously…G-shot PARTIES?! As in, you and your friends all get together with a doc and just, what, take TURNS?
That said, at $1000 a shot for some (probably) non-medically approved, spurious, not-even-cosmetic procedure, fair play to the docs who’re convincing the rich fish to swim around in the barrel.
I reckon I can manage just FINE in life without this 😀
(that said, I totally want to read Samara’s blog post after she’s been to one of these parties to see what the hell’s going on)
LikeLiked by 1 person
Oh the ben wa balls? I’m jealous of the people who can get off on those. I tried them. Nada. It was like a lead tampon. I probably did it wrong or something.
And you’re right…..the docs aren’t idiots when it comes to knowing what people will pay for it they’ve got the money to burn.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I didn’t get on with them particularly well. They were…meh. I think I just prefer the real thing 😉
Docs don’t get mega-bucks for nothing…they go convincing people they need stuff done and then BOOM! All teh moneyz.
Wonder what *I* can convince people they need… *pondering*
LikeLike
I’m not opposed to anything that claims to work, made of human flesh (that sounded weird – like I”m buying dildos made of human skin – ew! I meant a proper cock, of course) or otherwise, but the balls just didn’t do it for me.
You should convince handsome, rich men that they need oil rubbed on their chests 3x a day (I’ll work for free, btw) if they want to keep their hair.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Mmmm but then there are some incredibly sexy guys with shaved heads out there, and they’d need oil massaged onto them as well…ummmm…I think you’re onto something. Guess we better get creating this magic oil which can ONLY be applied by *ahem* trained professionals (us) 😉
No human skin dildos…that’s just a WRONG ON EVERY LEVEL kind of thought.
I think a person could spend a loooooot of money on ‘things which claim to work’. If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it 😉
LikeLiked by 1 person
Oh, yes. Leaving bald men out was inadvertent and unacceptable. *must revise*
LikeLike
And I think include a small discount for anyone with good ink and/or particularly buff muscles 😉
LikeLiked by 2 people
oh jeezus YES
LikeLike
We should go into business – we have a VERY good plan, I think 😀
LikeLiked by 1 person
speaking of tatted hotties, I see you’ve been appreciating my latest pinterest research? 🙂
LikeLike
I have indeed! That was rather a pleasant surprise when I arrived there the other day, to see that you’d been adding (and HOW) to that famous board of yours 🙂 Nice picks!!
LikeLiked by 1 person
No way. Except I do have a lot of fun at the lady doctor. They’re wonderful there.
LikeLike
I know, I love my lady doctor! The only doctor visit I abhor is the dentist, even though they’re super nice. I don’t want needles in my mouth any more than in my vag.
LikeLike
There is absolutely no way a needle is coming (hehe) anywhere near my lady parts. They are not supposed to be pretty. I’ll stick with the mani/pedi, thank you very much.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Good point, Dana. Who said they have to be pretty? Guy’s junk isn’t pretty, or handsome, or anything. Why does mine have to be pretty enough to display at a vagina gallery? I can barely make it to he waxer lady on time. I can’t take this kind of pressure.
LikeLike
I already feel awkward at parties. I’m pretty sure vagina needles wouldn’t make it any better.
LikeLiked by 3 people
Jeezuz, I didn’t even think about the awkward factor. I already say stupid shit and laugh at inappropriate moments when I’m nervous. I’m sure it would be the last time I was invited to a G-spot party. No one likes a giggler during vagina injections.
LikeLike
Um. Well. Er. I mean, multiple orgasms are possible without the shot. But if you’re having a vagina party, I kind of want to come. Wait, what?
LikeLiked by 3 people
If I ever have a vagina party, do not worry. You’re coming. Pun intended. hahaha
LikeLike
This whole thread is just too much. I may never recover.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Just read a little at a time. Just the tip.
LOLOLOL
I crack myself up.
LikeLiked by 1 person
The next time my gal brings up the idea of me getting a ballsack lift and tuck when I get old I will show her this blog post. No way is a knife and needles coming near my balls.
She will have to deal with a low hanging floppy slapping against the thighs sack. No vag lift for her then no sack job for me!
LikeLiked by 2 people
you paint a beautiful picture of old age, Phil. It seems very….noisy. hahaha
LikeLike
and floppy!
LikeLiked by 1 person
EW
LikeLike
I’ve never given birth, so I may not be part of the target audience for that ad. But, uh, no.
No.
I don’t feel the need to tinker with my tingly bits using needles and scalpels. Outside of an episiotomy or other childbirth-related procedures, my answer will probably always be “No.”
LikeLiked by 1 person
“tinker with my tingly bits” Ohmygod I love that. hahahaha
LikeLike
That sounds about as fun as a simultaneous tax audit/root canal. Based on the lies told by ALL marketers, I doubt a shot can make your orgasms more intense. If it were true, I would be Black Friday mauling any betches in my way. If it were true though? It would be like a tattoo parlor in my man cave. (Mine is more of a cave than a garden after 3 kids.) You can’t put a price on actual better orgasms. That’s like trying to own a rainbow.
LikeLiked by 2 people
hahaha tattoo parlor in my man cave, THAT is hilarious. So you’d do it if it 100% worked? It does sound tempting, doesn’t it? I mean, who turns down better?
LikeLike
Beth, just say NO! I work in an OB/GYN office and we do what the docs call “the blue light special” – basically, tacking up the vag, putting a sling under the bladder to prevent leaks, and fixing anything that may be wrong with the poop chute. It is INCREDIBLY painful and the recovery time takes FOREVER. PLUS, it doesn’t even last forever!! You have to have it done again in about ten years or so.
We also have people come to us for the labiaplasty – most of them active duty military women. Apparently one of then realized that she could have her labia lips shaved into perfect symmetry on the government dime if she just told her commanding officer that she was having problems doing her required running because it was “chafing against her shorts”. Once she came to us, it was like the floodgates opened – we must have had 50+ military women who wanted perfect labia and were willing to undergo surgery to get it.
LikeLiked by 2 people
Holy Labia, Batman! That’s sooooooo cahrazy, Jana! The Blue Light Special?? Wow. I can’t imagine the painful recovery…..UGH. And WTF with the military women getting labiaplasty?? How odd, seriously. I’ve never even thought about my labia for 2 seconds, combined, my entire life. I’m shocked so many people would go through surgery to change it. This is sort of fascinating, really.
LikeLike
If you watch a lot of porn, not that I’ve ever seen any porn, but if you watch a lot of porn, you’ll notice that some ladies have “Giraffe lips”. They’re all wobbly and jiggly, and I have spent some (maybe more than is natural) time thinking about those. If giraffe lips were my lot in life, I’d be proud of my giraffe lips, and love them like any other beaver. However, if it was my job to be naked and boinking on TV all the time, I think I’d consider a labiaplasty. Think about it, if her labia are slapping against her thighs, and his balls are slapping against his, how is the audience going to hear all their fake moans? It just makes sense, career wise.
LikeLike
If I were a porn star and had my girly parts displayed for all to see on a daily basis, there’s no limit to the bleaching, lasering, and oplasty’s I’d have. And I will never think of labia again without thinking of the term “giraffe lips”. Thanks for that. haha
LikeLike
Well, we could call it something more delicate, like “hair taco” or something, but I think Giraffe lips describes it better.
LikeLike
I used to work at the Improv comedy club, and there was this comic named Beth Donahue who had a whole bit about “beef jerky clit” hahahahahah GROSS, but I’ve remembered that for 20 years.
LikeLike
Beef jerky clit. I’m thinking about beef jerky, and now I’m thinking about clit… No, I don’t see. One is chewey and a foot long, and the other is pink and… Really? you can get one a foot long? I’d be first in line for that.
LikeLiked by 1 person
You made me snort with laughter while in line at smoothie king. hahahahah
LikeLike
Cooter? Muffin? Pudenda? Poontang? Penis flytrap?
LikeLike
Maybe the smoothie king knows where to get one. You should ask.
LikeLike
What would I wear to a G-spot party?
My bald head, large fingers and absolutely nothing else
…let’s call it “Romancing the Clam”.
LikeLike
romancing the clam….hahahahahah I love it. But why the large fingers? You need to be graceful and have incredibly dexterity to FIND the G-spot before injecting it with collagen.
LikeLike
Nope.
I’ll just need to keep my old fashioned vagina, run-of-the-mill vagina, I guess! Yet….
I feel as if I’m missing out. xxxxx
LikeLiked by 2 people
If I go to the mall and am surrounded by women spontaneously orgasming…..I’m making an appointment.
LikeLike
Yeah…. no.
I’m good thanks.
LikeLiked by 1 person
What if a vampire was the one doing the procedure??? While you watched a playoff hockey game?
LikeLike
Hmmm. Maybe. And depends.
Maybe we could do the procedure that one time and then he could turn me so my vag could be forever young while the rest of me could forever 37!
Also – would we be AT the game? Because that could be distracting… You know, for the athletes.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I was envisioning more like a big-ass flat screen to watch the game in your private room, while the vampire “injected” you, and made you forever young and volatilely orgasmic. And of course, this vampire is Stuart Townsend. Because it’s our fantasy and we can do what we want, amirite?
LikeLike
Oh holy lady parts! No, just NO!
Although I thought I would laugh myself sick, between the post and the comments. 😀
LikeLiked by 1 person
*happy claps* Glad it made you laugh, Roby! xoxo
LikeLiked by 1 person
Do you remember the days of Avlimil? No? Me neither. (Ok, I do. I swear that stuff worked!) But I draw the line at a man shoving a needle in my stuff. (It wouldn’t be the first needle shoved in my stuff. And then I divorced him.) But a shot? Oh HAYull no.
I think the women who opt to have the g spot shot have ultimately found a way to pay a man to be down there for more time than usual (without having to make it obvious). Such as:
“What? It’s going to take two hours? Do you REALLY have to be down there that long?”
(Etc.) Haha…
LikeLiked by 1 person
Avlimil sounds familiar, so I googled it. Now it’s being used for relief of menopause symptoms, but was used at first to help female libido. Hmmmm. Interesting. I don’t remember if people said it worked or not, but I guess it wasn’t a hit or it’d be a household name!
This reminds me, last night my husband returned home from a work trip to Florida. He was early for his flight home and wandered the airport store, where he saw a “electric toothbrush for her” and he’s thinking, why do women need their own special toothbrush? Then he realized it was not a toothbrush at all, but a little pocket rocket disguised as an electric toothbrush! Holy Shit! That’s brilliant! I’m always worried about taking that stuff on a plane. No one wants their vibrator glowing on the x-ray screen! hahaha I told him he should’ve bought it for me.
LikeLike
Haaa…pretty darn clever.
We all need our toothbrushes! heheh…
LikeLike
Eh, I’ll just bring the husband or the pink bunny, No disguising my intentions, if some customs agent has a problem with Fiver, I’ll just as him how many bottles of lotion and boxes of tissues he packs in his suitcase.
LikeLike
p.s. You SO don’t look 43!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Wow, thank you!! I’ll be repeating that compliment in my head for weeks…….xoxoxo
LikeLike
Would and could are two very different things 🙂
“Bring the spread!”
AW. I’m still giggling!
LikeLiked by 1 person
This weekend I attended a wedding, and after the ceremony they kept announcing, “Be sure to eat something, there’s a beautiful spread!” and all I could think about was G-spot parties…..
LikeLike
I’ll bring the spread will never be the same for me, thank you for that.
LikeLiked by 1 person
hahaha You’re welcome, Alyson. I do my best.
LikeLike
I wanna hear more about this “spontaneous orgasm”. So how does that work? Are you just like, walking down the cereal aisle at Kroger looking for your kid’s favorite CheerioooooooooOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMYGOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD!!!
Something like that?
LikeLiked by 1 person
I swear there have been reports of that happening!! I really don’t want that kind of spontaneous orgasm. That would ruin “let’s go Krogering” for me on so many levels.
LikeLike
Well, I’ll be darned…first I had ever heard of the G-spot enhancement. Of which, I’m a huge of fan of with ladies…hey, just sayin’ 🙂 I had known about that hymen reconstruction for a long time. There are a whole different group of church girls secretly running to get that one. I’m referring to the before marriage rite of passage. I dunno…I truly wonder if He who made us intended for us to be screwing around with our bodies so much. Yet, we have surgeries to save lives millions of times over every year. Seems a bit hypocritical if I took that former stance. Great post, Beth 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
I seriously don’t want to diss the male gender, but G-spot injection…. That says a lot … it really does, if woman are going for this in droves…. I mean what happened to you know plain old guy is happy when his woman actually orgasms because he is good…. hmm…..
LikeLiked by 1 person
uh huh. ZACTLY.
LikeLike
This is officially frightening and puts a whole new spin on Tupperware parties… Nah. Not for me.
LikeLiked by 1 person
File “needle in vag” under: nIo fucking way. It’s cheaper to find a man who knows how to locate your G-spot, preferrably without a needle ; )
LikeLiked by 1 person
New hymen? Virgins aren’t all they’re cracked up to be. G-spot shots? Geez. As I’ve said before, albeit in a very different context, it’s good to be a white man in America.
LikeLiked by 1 person