I DON’T WANT TO SEE DEAD PEOPLE!

GUYS.

I’m not even kidding. In exactly one week I’ll be staying in a haunted house for four whole days. HAUNTED. Like for reals.

You know I love this shit. I mean, duh, I wrote about it. I’m obsessed with the paranormal and I love watching shows about ghosts or ghost hunters. But that’s on TV.

As in from AFAR.

I am not down with close and personal ghost encounters. I repeat: I am not down with it.

Here’s the deets:  I’ll be staying is a very old, big house my cousin is renting. He just moved in a few months ago. Since then, some very strange things have occurred. Like baseballs left on the stairs. My cousin doesn’t even own a baseball. Kitchen cabinet doors ALL open when he gets home. His laptop open in the morning, when he knows he shut it before bed. The cat is routinely spooked into hiding. Lights on in rooms never entered.

Oh, and then there’s the GUY THAT DIED THERE BEFORE MY COUSIN MOVED IN.

Oh, and the potentially-related-but-maybe-not BLOODSTAIN IN THE BASEMENT.

HO. LEE. SHIT.

Yes, I could stay in a hotel…but then what kind of blog fodder would that be? For you, I will be brave, but if something f#cking touches me I’M OUTTA THERE.

I’m okay with a random item being moved. Or even an appliance turning on in the middle of the night. But I won’t stand for shadowy figures at the foot of my bed…or GET OUT finger-painted across  the steamy bathroom mirror.

Do you hear me, dead guy?  I have boundaries! NO MEANS NO.

Stay tuned. I’ll be sharing any and all ghostly experiences on all SM feeds from 5/21 – 5/25. With pee running down my leg. Just kidding. *packs 10 pair of extra undies*

WANNA KNOW WHAT’S EVEN MORE MYSTIFYING THAN GHOSTS??

A GIVEAWAY WINNER!

On Monday’s post, I ran a giveaway for a signed copy of Mandi Castle’s JAW DROPPING, HEAD SPINNING, 5 Star novel, Dear Stephanie.

It’s time to announce the WINNER. *happy dance*

……..drumroll……

The person who will receive a signed copy of Dear Stephanie is:

Christina Reno-Johnson!!

Congrats, Christina!

 

Now for the rest of you, do you have any ghostly advice for me? How about some spirit repellent? I’m a grown-ass woman and I’m afeared! Hayyyulp! 

79 comments

    1. I want to be brave like you Lisa! I’m so fascinated, so I’m trying to come at it from a perspective of curiosity and excitement rather than fear, but I know my imagination….late at night…..*shudder*

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  2. I am so not the person to give advice. I don’t like these type of things. NOT AT ALL. My imagination goes all over the place!! It’s one of the reasons I can’t watch horrors or uber spooky things. It truly affects my dream world. I’m crossing my fingers that nothing super spooky happens!! xo

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    1. Thank you, TJ! I hope nothing spooky happens either. I really feel like nothing spooky will happen except in MY imagination! That’s truly what I’m most freaked out about…not being able to sleep at night. But I’m intensely curious too. It’ll be an adventure, no doubt!

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      1. It’s an odd thin line, huh? I will admit that I have watched documentaries about ghosts that still live in the house they dies in and still visit every now and then. On my mom’s side, there have been “things we can’t explain”. She’s from Surinam and the voodoo culture or dream explanation is very active there, so I grew up with having an open mind in this. And! I’ve had a few situations where I couldn’t explain what happened. I only knew that I was 1) freaked out and b) I had to get out of e.g. the room. This is a topic I could ramble on about so I better stop haha.

        Adventures keep life interesting! ^_^

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            1. Well, you are obviously a good mixture of cultures because GORGEOUS. In my head, I look like you – exotic beauty with the most luscious skin – and not a pasty American. hahaha

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  3. You cray-cray, sister. Don’t mess with dead people.
    I’ll sage smudge the shit out of my house just from reading this post. Hopefully my smudging will carry your way and protect your ass. xoxo

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  4. Both of my Gram’s houses were haunted. She was born with a veil, so there’s speculation that she was some sort of a medium that she attracted dead people. One of her neighborhoods was super haunted though, so they think it was built on an Indian burial ground a la Poltergeist.

    Basically, I’m really jealous.

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  5. You might want to add a plastic liner to your bed. I hear ghosts HATE that. Plus, if you pee yourself in the bed when the ghost shows up in your room, it will protect the mattress. (Not necessarily in order of importance..) Good Luck, Beth!

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    1. ohhhhh really? See …that is so interesting to me! Can you link that post here? I’m on a road trip and it’ll be easier for me. If not, that’s okay. I’ll go looking for it when I can.

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      1. HA!

        You get points. I know you’re going to be alright. The worst thing will be your own imagination, I should think. And remember, moving things and lights and all that…not a problem.

        I’ve never met a ghost, but I’ve spent hours hanging out where one was known to be, and…nada. But my Dad’s met a couple, and he was fine. One was worse than the other, to be fair, but the nice one just moved chairs and kinda watched over proceedings, and it was all very much not-a-problem. 🙂

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  12. I am one happy chick!! Can’t wait to start reading!

    Btw the last house I lived in with the ex is totally haunted. One day I was sitting in the dining room and the ex was standing at the threshold of it and was being a total ass telling at me. And all of a sudden a spatula (that was in a big crock BEHIND the completely filled dish drainer) raised out of it, over the drainer and came flying at the ex. Hit him pretty hard too. And all I could do was sit there with my mouth hanging open. But I was really happy about it. Lol

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      1. It wasn’t scary to me. It was protective of me and my kid. He made his presence known, that’s for sure. The same song was always heard, but we could never find it, car keys and little stuff would be moved and when you would go looking for it there was no finding it. Then it would reappear in the spot where you originally put it.

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  13. Put a circle of pure salt around your windows and your bed. That’s what the sexy Winchester brothers from Supernatural taught me.

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  14. I totally know what you’re saying! I would probably pretend I was really excited, though. It’s a guy thing, I guess. Either way, thanks for risking your sanity for a blog post. That’s dedication.

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    1. *takes a bow* Thank you. I am dedicated, aren’t I? or insane. Or awesome. I don’t know….but I’m going, dammit. It’ll be fun….until it’s not. hahaha

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          1. Life is more fun when you jettison a few “shoulds”. That is, until you end up trying to decide if you should shoot your way out in a blaze of glory or go meekly into that Third World prison. But at least you’ll give your eulogist a lot of great material to work with!

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  16. Well, this should be fun. according to a psychic my own house has the spirit of an old man in it, but since he doesn’t make himself known, he must like us. She told us that if we want him to leave we are supposed to tell him to go to the light. I’m not even kidding. I’ve been in haunted places. Just the thought scares the hell out of me. I can’t imagine what I’d do if actually confronted with one. Good luck!

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    1. Christine, hold me.

      I swear I intend to walk in the house and tell him that I respect his presence but he is not to come near me or my things. And then I’m going to burn sage and pour salt around my bed right before a naked anti-ghost dance that involves copious amounts of wine.

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  17. AY, no! I just got to know you better, I want you around for a long time! 🙂 Two suggestions: 1. take a portable mirror and point it at the shadow’s face 2. swear at the shadow in Spanish, it works all the time (if you need some Spanish swears to use, let me know). xo As my mother says, “PISS Be With You.”

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    1. WHY WOULD I NO LONGER BE AROUND?!? WHAT ARE YOU IMPLYING???

      Two of three long relationships in my life were with Mexican men. Trust me. I know Spanish swear words and I’m not afraid to use them! I cannot take a portable mirror….I would be terrified even to have it on my person. I’ve seen too many movies. #bloodymary

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    1. ha! that would be awkward since we’re going to visit HIM as well as were he lives. He would understand if we stayed in a hotel, BUT, my (stupid) curiosity and (ridiculous) stubbornness is driving me toward this with (blind) ferocity. Plus it saves so much money to lodge for free. #budget

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  19. I SO wanna come, too! I’d keep you safe…and fed. There must be chocolate in situations like these.
    Can’t wait to hear more! We live 10 miles from the dreaded, Gates of Hell, Stull Cemetery/Church and it’s been a major disappointment so far. I also run on the trails that border an old asylum (Menninger’s) – I have some rad pictures of that place and was even able to talk my way out of a trespassing citation when the sheriff caught me there with my camera.
    You NEED me on this trip. Just sayin’ 🙂

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    1. *giggling* You would be so fun, I know! The good thing is, my friend who’s traveling with me is totally unaffected by all this ghost talk, so she will be a calming force during the trip. I want to have fun with it. I just hope I don’t scare myself, you know?

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    1. Yes, you’re right…there is absolutely nothing “evil” or aggressive about any of this. It’s just all fun and games until you’re STAYING IN THE HOUSE, you know? hahahaha If anything scares the piss outta me, it’ll be my own imagination.

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  21. Ohhhhhh…I have such conflicting emotions about this! On one hand, ghosts rank right up there with tornados and something I want to see someday – but from a very safe distance. On the other, if I actually had a close encounter with one….it creeps me out just thinking about it!

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    1. I downloaded that app, but I’m afeared to use it at my cousin’s house. What if it’s like a ouija board and I inadvertently bring the spirit home???? OMG. See? My imagination is outta control. *huddles in corner, weeping*

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  25. Awe fuck. I want a signed copy of Mandi’s book. And Beth’s book. And everybody is writing books now!!! What? Anyway, our old house was haunted by a ghost and the wife and I don’t care what anybody else has to say about that. Bernice was her name and she was mostly pleasant. We had the occasional cabinet openings and what not and the dog would suddenly act strange and look into an area where I assumed she could see or sense Bernice. That sort of thing. But when Ace was born, suddenly, her room would always be the perfect temperature. If it was super hot in the rest of the house, it was nice and cool in her room, and vice versa. Crazy shit. You have fun with that. We lived with our ghost, but I understand they really love visitors.

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    1. I hope they love visitors! So far, this “energy” at my cousin’s appears to be benign and just moves shit around.

      Did you guys name her Bernice? Or did you know that was someone who’d lived there before you? She must’ve been taking care of Ace. Kind of sweet, if we weren’t talking about ghosts. haha

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      1. A woman died in the house (I think of natural causes) but I’m not sure what her name was. We decided on Bernice because it just came to me that she was a Bernice. I’d forgotten that when I moved in I had a black lab. She was the best dog ever and would NEVER disobey me or not do what I asked of her. I brought her over to the house and she wouldn’t come into the basement. She just stood at the top of the steps. I called her and started getting aggravated at her trying to verbally coax her down. It was weird. Finally, I grabbed her collar to pull her down and she arched her back and hissed like a cat or some shit. It was crazy the way she acted. I lived there by myself at the time and didn’t put that incident together with Bernice until later. HAUNTED is real!!!!

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  27. See, I’m both fascinated with and paralyzed by the idea of staying in a haunted house at the same time. I saw ‘Paranormal Activity’. I know, I know. Not exactly cinematic greatness but it scared the shit out of me. I’ll be interested to hear how it goes. I’m writing the dates down.

    Oooh…you know what? If you record it all on your cell phone and whatnot, we could make a movie! What? Blair Witch Project sucked and made a lot of money. Just sayin’. Give it some thought and get back to me.

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  28. Hahaha You f*cking rock, Bethie. I’m all for going to haunted places, even close and personal encounters, but I kid you not, this post reminded me so much of Mathair. She’s a horror-movie/TV junkie…. until something taps her shoulder or a rogue wind enters the same building she’s inside. When I was a very young girl I suffered from night terrors. I would be wide awake (or at least think and act like I was wide awake) and speak to people that I swore were in my room. She informed me that at four I spoke to a man that I said would just stand in the corner of my room staring at me. I would tell him to go away and that my poppa would beat him up if he didn’t leave me alone. At first Mathair got all maternal and waited at my bedroom door with a bat just in case it was a prowler… when she discovered I was speaking to thin air…. the maternal instincts were thrown out the window. She informed me (at four) that if it was in fact a ghost or spirit I was talking to she was moving out of the house and if I didn’t come with her, me and my nighttime visitor could have fun with our one-sided conversation until the cows came home. Her words were, “I love you, baby girl, but if I can create one like you, I can spit another one out that looks just like ya.” hahaha Great post, Bethie. Hope you have fun and please keep us up to date on all the ghostly happenings.

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  30. Be brave! My mom used to check guest in and stay overnight to serve breakfast at the Jameson Salon in Wallace. She has all kinds of stories of odd little things happening, and the place was checked out for paranormal activity TV show once two. I was only upstairs there alone a couple of time and it gave me the creeps big time…

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  31. Totally go! There’s a ghost in my apartment, but I think he’s nice. I named him Sven (not to be confused with my bike Sven; I call everything Swedish Sven because if I don’t, someone else will.) Apparently you’re supposed to tell them, out loud, that you’re cool with them and you won’t bother them if they don’t bother you and just kind of make friends – but I’m afraid of annoying Sven with my crap Swedish so we just have a silent understanding.

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  33. Pingback: The Ghostess With The Mostess | Beth Teliho

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