1. You’re repeatedly told, “Please don’t put anything in the dryer that has a padded crotch.”
2. You start to use a curiously large tube of toothpaste when you see it’s actually Chamois Butter, which is basically WD 40 for ass cheeks and inner thighs.
3. “I’m going for a bike ride in the morning” = “You’re in charge of the kids tomorrow, all day.” Similarly, “I’m just gonna run to the bike store real quick” = “I’ll see you later this afternoon.”
4. Anything you do in the name of physical fitness is going to pale in comparison. For the rest of your life, you basically suck.
Your Cyclist: I ran twelve miles today as a cool down after my 42 mile mountain bike ride.
You: *whispers into chest* I walked the dog…
5. Bikes (yes, that will be plural) have names and are treated like family.
6. Judging by the bounty of athletic equipment, your dreams of someday living in a tiny house are over.
7. Every Single Family Trip revolves around one of the following: a) an epic bike ride, b) a race they’re participating in, c) a pro race to watch.
8. You have an entire three-shelved kitchen cabinet designated to sports bottles.
9. As the nominated “holder of the bike”, you endure hours in the garage while every millimeter and angle on the bike are meticulously analyzed for optimal performance.
10. Your cyclist wears riding apparel called “bibs”. These are flattering on no one. Look away.
11. When you hear a scream coming from the shower, you know to set out antibiotic ointment and non-stick gauze pads. #roadrash
12. Your favorite time of year is when they’re carb loading for a race because pasta.
Bonus #13: The only thing he wants for Father’s Day is a bike ride with his family.
This post is dedicated to the hubs and his obsession with mountain biking. Happy Father’s Day, dude. You definitely make life interesting. Now for the love of all things holy, put the chamois butter under the sink.
Does your significant other have a hobby or obsession that takes over their life? Do you ever want to say, “Can we do ONE EFFING THING WITHOUT IT BEING ABOUT **insert obsession**?” How does it seep into your life? Tell me, I’m listening….