Well Smack My Ass And Call Me Wanda!

I’ve been awarded not one

– but two –

Liebster Awards!


A few weeks ago, my infinitely talented writer friend, J.C. Wolfe of The Wolfe’s Den, nominated me for this award. I’ve been quietly behind the scenes, working on the questions, compiling a list of nominees, when out of the clear blue sky, the amazingly talented wonder-blogger/runner Lizzi of Considerings was drunk generous enough to bestow me another! I’m genuinely blown away with gratitude and excitement! Thank you, ladies!

If you don’t know, Liebster is a German word meaning “sweetie” or “darling”, and this award is generally passed to younger blogs to let them know they’re doing a great job and encourage them to keep going.

I could accept these awards with two different posts, but that would be a shit ton of  arbitrary Beth facts which would probably bore everyone to death – so in the interest of efficiency, I’ll combine them into one….


Random shizzle about moi:

*One of the jobs my mom had during my youth was interpreting for the deaf for a local theater center for several years. Consequently, I knew sign language by the age of 11, and had two best friends who were completely deaf. I don’t remember all of it now, but could tell you you’re cute, and I’d like a hot dog, please.
*I worked for two Dallas area Improvs for over six years. It was an amazing experience…and I have a lot of stories.
*I’m lactose intolerant. But I eat ice cream anyway. The consequences are worth it. For me. Others might disagree.
*My favorite music genre is the Blues.
*My favorite show right now is The Voice, and not just because my almost-fiancé-sextape-partner is a judge. #teamadam
*I didn’t have a wedding. Never wanted one. We eloped in total secret. Our parents didn’t even know. Got hitched in Jackson Hole, Wyoming. It. Was. Perfection.
* The TV has to be on for me to fall asleep. 
*I’ve had a running fish tank in my house since July with exactly zero fish in it because that’s how we get stuff done around here. Wanna put money on how long it stays empty?
*I’m a painter.
*I grind my teeth in my sleep so bad I have to wear a night guard. Yeah. Sexy.
*Growing up, I was a total tom-boy. I climbed trees, explored, made forts, got into mischief, played sports with my brother, cared for imaginary animals, snuck on the roof, read every book I could get my hands on, but never, ever played with dolls.

Okay, question answering time! Since J.C. and Lizzi had several in common, I condensed this list to 8 total. Still with me? Here’s a reward for your patience.

sexy guy photo: sexy guy sexy_chest.jpg

1. Which book do you keep coming back to? Diana Gabaldon’s The Outlander series. It’s never ending, so I can come back to it the rest of my life. But it’s SO DAMN GOOD.

2. What are your favorite genres to read and write in? I love mystery, paranormal, and fantasy. I seek those in particular because I love to have my breath taken away, and I adore being taken to the brink of what I think could be possible, and then yanked right over.

3. Did you ever have a crazy dream job as a kid? From probably the age of 8 or 9 until…hmmm…I dunno, until I was told it was a silly and nobody makes it (combined with my seething insecurity), I wanted to be an actress. I was in drama in high school and did plays. It. Was. Awesome.

4. With which character(s) in all the books you’ve read can you most identify? The one that gets bitten/scratched/taken by a vampire/werewolf/monster and finds she prefers the alternate world and loves the “monster”.

5. What animal would you consider your animal spirit and why? Elephant. Elephant. Elephant. I don’t know why. I’ve known forever. They just are.

6. What was your favorite subject in school? Science. Hands down. My degree is in Environmental Science with an emphasis in Global Climate Change. I loved every single class, even physics. I miss it, but I will say I use science a lot in my writing. It echoes in everything I do.

7. What advice would you like to give the ‘you’ of ten years ago? a) I would tell that decade younger Beth to lower her expectations on herself about 1,000 notches and take a chill pill. b) start therapy now, don’t wait another eight years. c) the second they tell you your infant son has a “sucking problem” and you need to pump all your milk – switch to formula. Don’t put yourself through hell because of pressure to breast feed. F#ck everybody else.

8. What was your last ‘kairos moment’? <<That was a powerful post, first of all. I love Momastery. My last Kairos moment would have to be this past Veterans Day. Jim had off and we took the boys to Top Golf (which is the coolest place ever, btw). The four of us had such a b-l-a-s-t! I mean, you sit on couches, and take turns hitting golf balls while they bring you beer and queso. What’s not to love? Anyway, I adored watching the boys have so much fun. I was totally present, and overwhelmingly happy and grateful at that moment.

And now the sparkly beautiful part! I get to nominate other bloggers! Yipee!

**I don’t know a ton of blogs who are young, have under 200 followers, and have not received this award already, so 5 or so follow that rule, but otherwise it’s a Liebster orgy of blogs I LOVE and just want to put on this list. Nominees, if you want to ignore this award, go right ahead.

1. Mike of Past my curfew. *Go to his blog right away! He’s having a giveaway contest right now through the 21st! Enter for your chance to win one of two $100 Amazon gift cards!  You’ll love his blog, especially his golden retriever, Phoenix.

2. Katie of KCross Writing I love this girl. She’s also working on a novel, so we have a lot in common. She’s awesomesauce.

3. Damnit Lizzi I was totally going to nominate Mike, too! GRRRR. You know what? Screw it. I’m doing it anyway. If I can handle two at once, so can he. Mike of Joe Floggers. You know what I love about Mike? He’s a tiny bit of a genius. He came up with “Ask Joe”, where women can ask him ANY question they’d like to have answered from a man’s perspective and he’ll answer it in his Friday post. Go to his blog and submit a question! I did!

3. Audrey of Falling for me. Brand new blog and she’s rockin’ it with honest stories that leave you wanting more. Check her out!

4. Aussa of Hacker, Ninja, Hooker, Spy. I know she’s been nominated for a lot of awards lately, but I don’t give a rat’s patooka. I love reading her crazy-ass stories and everyone needs to know about her.

5. Jennifer Zeiger. I dig her choose-your-ending adventure stories. I’ve yet to see another blog like hers! So fun.

6. Karen of Baking in a Tornado. Cuz she’s freakin’ brilliant, and supportive, and awesome. I heart her big time.

7. Kelly of What now? Adore her to pieces. She has the best stories ever.

8. Christine of A Fly on our (Chicken Coop) Wall. Oh, Christine. How do I love thee? Let me count the ways….

9. Joy of Comfy Town Chronicles. Cuz her blog tagline is “weird kids, day drinking, cussing, binge eating, and other things I won’t go to meetings for.” I mean, are we twins separated at birth or what?

10.Dyanne of I want backsies. She has kittttieeeees. I like kitties. But aside from that, she’s the BOMB, and funny, and a great blogger.

11. Sandy of Mother of Imperfection. I know you might have to blow me off since Lizzi snagged you, too, but I love you so much I had to write your name down!

If you choose to participate, here are your questions, lovelies:

1. Have you ever seen a ghost?

2. If you had to be one, would you be a vampire or a werewolf? Why?

3. If you could play a professional sport, which would it be?

4. Switch lives with an actor/ess for a week. Who do you choose?

5. Do you have any tattoos?

6. Tell me something embarrassing.

7. What’s the craziest thing (in your opinion) you’ve ever done?

8. Have you ever met a celebrity? Who?

last 3 combined: you go to the movies – do you get a) coke, or b) pepsi, a) popcorn, or b) no popcorn, to see a) chic flic b) action/adventure c) horror movie?

Award Liebster

Drugs and Sideboob Gratitude Tenfold.

I awoke this morning picking remnants of clingy migraine cobwebs off my brain. The storm has passed, yet I can still see lightning on the horizon, taunting me. I don’t get them much anymore thanks to a daily prescription I’ve been on for the past five years, but every once in a while one sneaks through and reminds how life used to be. Which brings me to number one of my Ten Things of Thankful list:

1. Migraine Drugs. Not only my daily, but also the Big Daddy that massacres any beastly ogre that manages to crash through the castle walls. When the migraine wasn’t gone after two days, I took the Big Daddy drug and SMASHED THE MOFO. I should’ve taken it a day earlier, but I haven’t had to take Big Daddy in several years and, quite frankly, forgot about it. Thank you, drugs. You are no joke and come with side-effects that make me appear dingier than I really am sometimes, but at least I have a life now. You have no idea how grateful I am for you.

2. SIDEBOOB!!! WHY ON EARTH WOULD I BE GRATEFUL FOR SIDEBOOB THAT’S INSANE!! Because it’s an AWARD SILLY! The Golden Sideboob Award, not only created by Lizzi of Considerings, but awarded to me by her as well. This award is for, and I quote, brazenness and hilarity, to be valued by its recipients as a symbol of their awesomeness. Well hot damn, color me honored!! Thank you, Lizzi! I’m quite proud of this award. If there is one thing I try to be it’s honestly funny. Or is it hilariously brazen? Either way, it’s cool to be noticed for it, and even more cool coming from an awesomerockin’, extraordinary, supportive, zany, uber-creative blogger such as Lizzi Rogers. I also gather it’s sort of a dare to see if the recipient will display it on their blog, which I don’t even really see as a dare but more of a privilege since I’m clearly a fan of all things round and hangy, so here goes!

The Golden Sideboob

Now, I’m supposed to award this to one other blogger who I feel is brazenly-hilarious-awesome, hasn’t already received it, and who I also think will display it on their blog. Turns out that’s easier said than done – to pick just one, that is. The next Golden Sideboob Award shall go to:

Kari of Miss bloggypants. I’m new to her blog but so far I love her honesty and she’s made me laugh out loud. I like that combo. Plus, she has a great About page and we both like minty sweets. AND AND AND this is her one year blogging anniversary! WOOP! I don’t know if she accepts awards, but I’m throwing this her way anyway. Happy Anniversary, Kari.

In the tradition of breaking rules (which I’m known for) I’d also like to nominate one other blogger who I believe displays awesomeness that deserves to be spotlighted: Mike over at Joe Floggers. He’s super talented and cool. And he has four grown kids who ALL had braces. I mean….
Plus, I kinda wanna see if he has the cajones to display it on his blog.

Congrats, guys. I genuinely admire both of you.

3. Milo, my dog, who (in my husband’s absence this weekend while he does an out-of-town triathlon. Good luck! Woop!) slept on the Hub’s side of the bed with his head on the pillow like a human and even snored so I wouldn’t feel lonely. Who does that? Milo does, that’s who.

4. My BFF’s longer commute for her new job. She hates it, but I love it because she calls me everyday on her way home. With her longer commute, we now get close to an hour to yap! Some days she is the first adult human I speak to all day. She is the person I can say anything to, ANYTHING. No matter how awful, snarky, or bitchy I sound, and vice-versa. Good posts have come out of those talks. I don’t think I would be sane without them.

5. HALLOWEEN! I have my first Halloween party of the year to attend tonight and I’m so excited! The kids are invited and we all get to dress up – yay! I hope to have photos to share tomorrow. I LOVE to dress up for Halloween. In the past few years I’ve been a witch (2 years in a row and then the kids said I scared them too much), a vampiress, and then Little Red Riding in the Hood last year (notice IN the hood, sort of a pimped out L.R.Riding Hood, pictured below.). Any guesses what I’m going to be this year? HINT: I want to try gory makeup. muwahahahaha.

me and the ghouls

6.  Mike, Clark or any straight man reading this: I apologize in advance. I’m very thankful for the link I’m about to share. Let’s just say it got me through this week. Sometimes a girl just needs a little eye candy to get through the day and Dracula hasn’t premiered yet, so without further ado:
for the ladies (& some guys)  (<<< Hit that linky. You won’t be sorry. Ask Lizzi)

7. I’m ending at seven because I like this number, but also because I’ve tortured you all enough. This has been a long post. I’ll save my other thankfuls for another day. My kiddos are awaiting entertainment and the hubs isn’t here to do it today (but will be home in a few hours in case you are a psycho-killer reading this. My husband is a muscly bad-ass SUCKA). Have a great weekend  everyone!

Ten Things of Thankful

Sisterhood of the World Bloggers Award


*WRITER B IS ME* HAS BEEN NOMINATED FOR AN AWARD!!! The Sisterhood of the World Bloggers Award is passed from Sister-Blogger to Sister-Blogger to recognize blogs whose writing inspires you, and being nominated is a huge honor!

As a very young blog, I can’t help but be overwhelmed with gratitude for this lovely gesture. On my recent post, Hold My Hand Until I Can Fake It, Please, this is exactly the kind of fellow comrade support I was referring to.

There are a few rules that go along with receiving this award. I’ve seen different versions, but I’ve chosen to follow those my nominator used:

1. You have to thank the person that nominated you. (no problem there!)

2. You have to include the award logo on your site. (done and done)

3. You have to name 7 things no one knows about you. (ruh roh)

4. You have to nominate 7 other blogs who inspire you and let them know they’ve been nominated. (Only seven? Okay! Can’t wait!)


I don’t think I could say enough about the Sisters-O-Mine that nominated me for this award! They are the Dynamic Duo, Inion N. Mathair, the mother and daughter team like no other. Our blogs united one foggy night and it was kismet! They adopted me as a Sis and have been cheerleaders for my writing and blog ever since. Who does that? Inion N. Mathair do, that’s who. They are givers. And not only that, they are brilliant writers. I happen to know that for a fact because I’m reading their book, The Perfect 7, right now and I can’t put it down! If you haven’t been to their beautiful blog, check it out ASAP!

Now for 7 things about me you probably don’t know unless you’re a stalker:

1. I once took it upon myself to taste and review every Ben & Jerry’s ice cream flavor in my quest for a favorite. The hubs and I would each get a new pint every Saturday night and try each other’s. This spanned several months. The result? Five pounds and chin acne. No, that’s not my favorite flavor. That would be disgusting (what would be in it?) That’s what happens when you consume a pint/week for months. The winner? I don’t even remember. Something with the word Marzipan in it maybe? I probably ate the container.

2. For a very large chunk of my life, I was that crazy cat lady. No, really. In my early twenties I had eight cats. Now, you might be thinking….ew, but please know I was young, and naïve, and just trying to save the world one stray kitty at a time. And I took care of those eight cats (without acquiring any more, might I add, cuz I got a clue) for close to twenty years, until the last one passed away. I miss their purrs and little wet noses, but I don’t miss the litter boxes.

3. I can make the veins in my right hand wiggle like snakes. If this writing thing doesn’t pan out, I’m going to the circus with that little nugget.

4. If I could travel to any destination in the world, I’d go to Greece. I want to visit the ruins, the beaches, the islands…all of it.

5. My death row last meal would be Ethiopian food. If you haven’t tried it, do so immediately. My favorite dishes are the vegetarian ones, but everything is good. And, you don’t use silverware! Bonus! My death row music (do they let you do that? they totally should) would be Blues. Probably John Lee Hooker. Or Buddy Guy. Or maybe I would just rock it out to some Florence and the Machine. I mean, it’s my LAST DAY ON EARTH! I WANNA YELL AND STUFF! I love her.

6. I have a terrible habit of falling asleep at the park. While my kids are there. It’s just so hot….and I’m so tired….if I just lay my head on this picnic table for a second….YAWN.  “Mommy?!”  *jerks head up*  *wipes drool from chin*

7. The kiddos and I listen to music in the car all the time. Once, on a whim, while listening to Maroon 5, I told them Adam Levine was once my boyfriend and had asked me to marry him. Their reactions were so awesome, I couldn’t resist but continue: I went on to say that I had to choose between Adam and their daddy, and chose their daddy cuz, when it came right down to it, I knew he’d tolerate cellulite be a better husband and father. They totally bought it. I tried to kinda smile so they’d know I was kidding – but it flew right over their radars. There are currently 7,109,441,475 people on planet Earth and two of them believe with all their sweet little hearts that Adam Levine would actually take me for his wife. THAT’S GOLD PEOPLE. I’m not sayin’ a word.

Now on to the nominees for the Sisterhood of the World Bloggers Award! My criteria for choosing was simple:  BLOGS I LOVE! I love to laugh, HARD, at stripped-to-the-bone honesty, and I’m also totally inspired by creative, unique  blogs that support other bloggers. So without further ado, and in no particular order:

1. Shitastrophy. Her name is Alyson and she is the funny lady behind this hysterical blog. I watch for her tweets, FB updates, and new posts like a crack addict. There are few people that make me laugh like her, in fact, I can count them on one hand! Her category titles alone will make you spew Diet Coke out your nose! She often guest hosts other bloggers so she’s an awesome Sister-blogger too. Her shit is SO funny, a compilation book is even in the works! I would buy that in a NY minute, Alyson!

2. Baking in a tornado. Karen has done an incredible thing: not only has she created an amazing blog for blogs like mine to aspire to, but she incorporates recipes at the end of each post! She’s also is a MAJOR Sister-blogger, guest hosting other bloggers, yes, but also with her FLY ON THE WALL, and SECRET SUBJECT SWAP writing prompts that engage and encourage bloggers to write, share, and network. THAT’S AWESOME! And a ton of fun! She is sweet, and supportive, and I truly admire her!

3. When Crazy Meets Exhaustion. Stephanie is the zany, hilarious gal behind this hugely successful blog that makes me genuinely LOL all the time. I adore that her “Hiya” is in honor of her Grandmother, and I instantly respect anyone who idolizes the genius Tina Fey! You can just tell this chic would be a blast to hang out with and I can’t get enough of her! Another honest, funny, smart woman. I love it! Must check out her Oversharing page!

4.  Leigh Bones: you can’t hide crazy. Remember how I said I can count on one hand people that make me laugh REAL hard? Leigh is one of them! You want honest? Leigh is h-o-n-e-s-t! And, oh God, she’s so funny and I can’t stand it. If you haven’t visited her site, do yourself a favor, and while you’re there look for her recent post, Labia Lipstick. Not only will you laugh your ass off, you’ll also obsess over what your shade is! Don’t act like you won’t. You will. Did I mention she’s training for a MARATHON? She is. For real. And she’s posting about the whole journey.

5. elleroy was here: funny with a soundtrack.  Linda’s blog is a blast to follow! Not only is she a no-holds-barred writer, but also a photographer, a talented musician, a mom of two boys, and funny as hell! This woman oozes creativity, right down to her Saturday cocktails! I think she might win for coolest looking blog too – LOVE the guitar header! She is definitely a blog I look up to. If you haven’t checked her out, RUN, do not walk. Oh, and if you hate Mondays…you just found your tribe.

6. Is your Father home yet? Oh Mandi, you gave with out taking….I bet you’ve heard that a million times. Sorry for the Manilow reference.  Mandi’s blog is pure greatness. I instantly loved her because of how much I related to her posts, and of course, how much she made me laugh. Check her out. Right now. And when you go, don’t miss her post, Attack of the Asshole Monkey. (and I thought it was funny that my dad had a giant iguana living in his kitchen that hissed at us. It is, but her monkey story is WAY funnier!)

7. The Redneck Princess. I’m truly inspired by Donna’s blog. Just her page categories are impressive: My Photography, Recipes, Beauty, Crafts, The Poet in Me, Tutorials, Give-a-ways, Gardening, and Do it Yourself! WHAT. It’s true. And her posts are honest, sometimes tender, and always funny. AND, she was one of the first people to hop over to my baby blog and like several of my posts. THAT’S A SISTER BLOGGER. So, of course, she owns me, heart and soul. 🙂

Now, I know that’s my 7, but I’m going to do a quick, honorary shout-out to three ladies whose blogs I’m obsessed with. It might be breaking the rules, but I’m blonde so I can just act confused. Had I been able to include these gals on my list I would have, but they were just honored with the award, like, last freaking week so I can’t! But I want them to know how in awe I am of their blogs and writing, and how grateful I am for their *SUPPORT*! 1. Jennifer M. Zeiger 2. Jay C. Wolfe 3. Lafemmeroar

Okay, Sister Bloggers-O-Mine, CONGRATULATIONS on your award! You all deserve it! High Five each other and celebrate! In other words, BREAK OUT THE WINE! And thank you all for inspiring me and making me laugh every day! 🙂