That Time A Bear Ruined My Honeymoon

“How do you feel about the eighteenth?” I asked Jim, my fiancé at the time, while trying to plan our trip. I’d never desired a wedding, so we chose to elope and surprise everybody.

“Works for me,” he shrugged.

“Okay cool because Aunt Flo will happen the week before so I think we’d be clear even if I was late, but there’s no way I’d be that early.”

“Whatever you wanna do is fine with me,” he said kissing the top of my head.

“Cool! We have a wedding date!”

Fast forward to August 19th, in Jackson Hole, Wyoming. We had just become husband and wife, and were enjoying our week long honeymoon. We were hiking a trail that ran along the perimeter of Leigh Lake. It was close to sunset. We rounded a corner….and froze.

We’d read all the advisories: “what to do if you come face-to-face with a bear“:

Don’t turn your back to them, it’s too submissive and they will attack.

Don’t look them in the eye, it’s a challenge to them.

Don’t run, you’ll elicit a chase.

Back away slowly so they know you’re not a threat.

But when fear seizes your throat, the fright and flight instinct has a way of moving your muscles for you.

We turned around, immediately breaking the first rule. Shocked. Scared. We began walking away, quickly, but good lord it was such an effort to keep from running. We had no idea if it was following us.

After what seemed like forever and every cuss word in the book uttered under panicked breath, we braved a quick, over-the-shoulder glance.

Whew! The trail was clear, but we didn’t slow our pace. Gripping each other’s arms we continued to fast-walk the hell outa there.

“Wow, that fucker was huge,” I panted. “It was so creepy the way it was just standing in the trees, swaying.”

“Standing? I saw it run across the trail towards the water. Looked like a baby.”

A chill ran up my spine. “Mother of God, there were two! A mother and her baby! Mothers are the most aggressive!”

“Holyshitholyshitholyshit we were just so damn lucky!” he said glancing over his shoulder again.

As soon as we confirmed she wasn’t after us, we started running. In fact we ran like chicken-shits all the way back to the car.

Half an hour later we arrived at our hotel room, still shaken, not able to believe what had just happened. You hear about seeing bears in the wild, but when you actually see one right in front of you, it’s astonishing how terrified and vulnerable you feel.

I went to the restroom to empty my full bladder, relieved I hadn’t peed my pants in the woods, and that’s when I realized something horrific.

The bear sighting had scared me so bad, it awakened Aunt Flo.

 Three weeks early.

On my honeymoon.

That bitch.

Have you ever had a bear encounter, or seen some other large animal in the wild? Or, have you ever had a vacation ruined by something unexpected? I love to hear your stories!

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140 comments

  2. We went backpacking in the Tetons for our honeymoon and woke up at 4 am to wolves howling not far enough away. A pack. Really, really close. I’m talking a WHOLE FREAKING PACK. So I say to my new husband, ‘You brought the gun, right?’

    To which Rambo says, ‘Nah. I’ve gotta Gerber. We’ll be fine’

    They didn’t shut up for something like two hours. A sleeping bag and a really thin tent just isn’t enough protection for a predator that close! I’m just glad it wasn’t a face to face encounter like yours!!

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    1. STFU! I can’t believe you honeymooned there, too! What are the odds? And oohhhh, hearing a pack of wolves…so frightening! Yeah, there is nothing scarier than hearing shit from inside a tent in the dead of night!!

      For our 1 year anniversary he surprised me with tickets back there over Labor Day Weekend. It was also a backpacking trip, literally checked our backpacks at the airport and landed with no lodging planned. After hiking a few hours to where we decided to camp, we began setting up the tent. I look down and there’s a HUGE bear paw print! I HATE CAMPING IN BEAR COUNTRY!!! I was freaked OUT the entire night. Nothing happened that time, though. No bear sightings, thank goodness!

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  4. Girl you worked that prompt. That was an excellent story. I had Aunt Flo ruin a cruise vacation. It was during a time that I was trying ever so hard to get pregnant so it was a double blow.

    I’ve seen two baby bears here in NC. One time one ran or crawl run whatever they do across the road as I was driving to work. Another time Christopher and we driving out of town and the bear that in a spot that could have very well been a little boy pee stop. Needless to say – we try to make it to a gas station now.

    And both times to the bear I said, “Where is your MOTHER!?”

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    1. UGH. My Aunt flo was notorious for ruining EVERY vacay or special occasion!!! I killed her though. Literally. Had a hysterectomy in 2010 – that’s right bitch, NOW try and ruin a trip!!! LOL

      Where was there mother?!?! I’m glad you saw babies and not adults, but STILL. Very scary!

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  5. Wow, I wouldn’t have believed that could actually happen! Powerful bear! Or fear. BTW, I sunshined all over the place today. Finally. Go see where our date will take us. 🙂

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    1. Well, my mom wasn’t really surprised since I’d told everyone for years I didn’t plan on having a wedding, and also alluded to just getting hitched on a trip. I think there was some serious disappointed, though, since I’m the only granddaughter/niece/girl in the family among many aunts who’ve been dying to help plan my wedding since I was five!

      We sent announcements from JH the day we arrived, so by the time we got back everybody knew. Everyone was happy for us, genuinely. We had a professional photographer there so everyone got photos, and my family even got a copy of the video (our two best friends were our witnesses and videographers!) It was allll good. 🙂

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      1. I think about eloping a lot. Honestly, it’s exactly what I want to do because I don’t want to deal with all the craziness of a wedding. But I’m terrified of offending people in my family, much for the same reason. I’m my father’s only daughter. I’m basically the last of all my cousins that will get married and then everyone will have to wait decades for the children of those marriages to grow up.

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        1. You have to do what’s right in your heart. Honestly, I still think about my elopement as one of the smartest decisions I EVER made! seriously. I didn’t have to worry about living up to anyone else’s expectations; I got married exactly where I wanted to, on my terms; no pissed off relatives because so-n-so didn’t get to sit/eat/talk the way they wanted, etc.

          If your family gives one rat’s ass about your happiness, they’ll get over it.

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  8. The 1970’s in Glacier National Park. My family, a couple of cousins and I (a not quite teenager) were on a backcountry hike across the width of the park. We made camp up on a plateau for the first night. A grizzly came through the camp while we were in our tents. It sniffed and left. Only myself and a cousin saw it because we weren’t about to say a word to wake anyone up. Terrifying indeed. My Beth’s New Lesson For The Day, “Aunt Flo”. It’s been “your visitor” up until now with my girlfriends 🙂 Thank you! 🙂

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    1. Seriously, Mike, I would’ve done a Bugs Bunny freak out. HOLY SHIT that would’ve been terrifying! I hate camping in bear country…I don’t sleep! I bet Glacier Nat. Park was stunning, though. Would love to go there someday.

      Happy to send along new terms – haha!

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  9. Mathair and I came face to face with a bat once… Ew (shudder) We were jogging around the block, marked it about ten feet away, turned and ran like chicken shits and scared little girls, only to turn halfway there and realize that it had marked us as well. We also had an alligator in a yard. (We’re Southwest Florida girls and there was always a canal nearby no matter how many times we had moved around.) That was pretty frightening. It was an eight footer and ran into our back porch where it tried setting up shop for a few hours. We finally called animal control where they tagged it and bagged it. Love that you and the hubby eloped. Definitely leaning towards that for my own plans should I find Mr. Right. Weddings are just so stressful. (Mathair will probably kill me, but once I pop out a few grandkids we’ll be right as rain.) LOL. Those advisements for what to do if confronted by a bear are so confusing. Don’t stare at because you’ll challenge it and don’t turn your back on it because it’s too submissive. So what do they want you to do? Play Parcheesi? Stare at the ground and randomly shout out prime numbers? I know it’s for our benefit and everyone should follow them for your own safety, but every body reacts differently in situations like that. They should have a back up set of rules for chicken shits like us. Like: If you’re confronted by a bear… it’s okay that you’ve shit your pants because the smell will make them go away. If you’re confronted by a bear… screaming like a little bitch is fine because the shrill noise will frighten the creature. If you’re confronted by a bear… the best way of avoiding death is by tripping the person next to you because the bear will be too busy eating the sap that thought you’d be there for them rather than eating you. Survival of the fittest baby! Sharing your post right now, Bethie. Your best yet. Love it.

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    1. Bwahahahaha! I love your rules!!

      I don’t know that I would’ve freaked too hard at a bat (maybe) but the alligator?!?! On your porch?!? I would have d-I-e-d! We lived in Florida when I was little (until I was 3) and my mom never lets me to forget how I always ran away (once stark nekid!), and we lived across from an alligator pond. I’m evidently the cause of many gray hairs! Once they had to send the police looking for me. They found me a block away in only diaper with our beagle, Pepper. The police put me in the squad car and then told Pepper, “go home” and they followed our beagle back to the house. LOL. Even at two I was a rebellious shit.

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  10. Oh my word. That is so, so funny. It would have been scary if I didn’t know you survived, but since I do…funny! When my husband and son went to Glacier, there were trails closed because too many bear had been sighted recently. To take the open trails, they were advised to take bear repellent. No joke. It’s in a spray bottle like mace. They didn’t come across any bear, though.
    We saw bear from our car, but not in the open. We came across moose on our 10 yr. anniversary trip. A mom and her twin babies. That was cool. Not nearly as scary as a bear.

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    1. Yes, it’s funny…now. haha. OMG bear spray, yes I’ve seen it sold in JH but we’ve never bought any. I would be SO tense hiking in an area where there were tons of bear sightings! UGH. I wonder if the repellent really works? We’ve had bear bells on our backpacks for long hikes or overnighters. I’m assuming it’s annoying enough to keep bears away!

      Oh, I love moose! We’ve come across them on hikes. Fortunately, far enough that it wasn’t scary but close enough to get stellar photos. Once there was one laying down in the woods and we could hear it breathing. It was quite amazing.

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  11. One day we were sitting in our living room and my husband starts pointing and mumbling some shit that I couldn’t understand, but I clearly heard the word “bear!” I look out and sure as shit, a bear is taking a leisurely stroll through our back yard. I grab my camera and open the door to take pictures – I’m not a lunatic, the bear was kinda far away. It saw me and took off running right down the middle of the road. Bears are crazy. I would have crapped myself if I would have seen one in the wide open country!

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    1. NO WAY! In your back yard? Where do you live, if you don’t mind me asking? That’s one thing nice about Texas….no bear sightings. Sometimes coyotes, or bobcats, but no bears!

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      1. Washington. It was crazy. Only the second time I saw a bear in real life (aside from at the zoo). The first time one crossed the road in front of our car. I did see one getting into someones trash once. Again, I was in a car. Coyote in our back yard yesterday. I totally hate wild animals!

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  13. So, um…gross. That’s all I have to say about that.

    And also, this ->“Wow, that fucker was huge,” I panted. “It was so creepy the way it was just standing in the trees, swaying.”

    My own wife said that EXACT thing on our honeymoon, but there was no bear in our hotel room at the time, wink, wink! Lol.

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  14. Damn, Aunt Flo! WTF????? And bears in the wilderness…I’m out. I love the part about your wedding, and the fact that you kept it a secret and eloped….is just so you. I think I love you even more than normal today!!! I saw a piranha on my honeymoon, right after my husband lost his wedding ring….in the ocean, but that was no where near as scary as a bear…and a momma bear. Yikes! You’re a badass…but this we know.

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    1. Where were you? Did he ever find his ring?

      I was not a bad-ass that day! I ran like a crazy-person!! Can you imagine the fear and adrenaline that has to pump through your body to alter your cycle???!!!

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      1. No…I can’t imagine. I think that happened when I found out I was pregnant with #2…oh wait…

        He never found his ring. We were snorkeling in the Dominican Republic, and it just fell off in the water. The funny thing was that I had never snorkeled before, and I was doing horribly, literally about to give up because I was unable to figure out the whole mouth breathing thing…I blame the booze I had on the boat…until he lost his ring, and then I became an expert snorkeler. I could have taught a class.

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        1. Isn’t it always some sort of drama that makes us kick into gear and become bad-asses? Too bad he didn’t find his ring – bummer! And Dominican Republic…awesome! You’ve travelled to some amazing beachy locations! I still want to go to Bora Bora after seeing all your photos!

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  15. We don’t have bears…

    However I was once chased around my house by a funnel web spider. Serves me right for trying to rehome her instead of killing her. I just can’t bring myself to kill spiders though, even if they are one of the most deadliest ones on the planet that have an attitude problem.

    You’ve inspired me to write about a valentines day get away weekend that my ex planned though…

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    1. WHAT THE FUCK IS A FUNNEL SPIDER AND WHY DOES IT CHASE PEOPLE??? I’m officially horrified. I hope to god we don’t have them in Texas. It’s not brown recluse is it? *just flipped out cuz I felt a tickle on my leg*

      I’m so excited this inspired a post! Heading over to check it out!

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      1. Oh funnel web spiders are just one of the world deadliest spiders lol

        http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Australian_funnel-web_spider – “During an attack the funnel-web spider generally maintains a tight grip on its victim and bites repeatedly, making it an especially traumatic experience for humans who are bitten and increasing the risk of severe envenomation” – Thanks wiki for traumatising me more. Although in the last 100 years only 13 bites from Sydney funnel web spiders have caused death. So it’s actually not too bad!!

        They chase you because they are really aggro lil/big things. They can grow up to 2″ – the one that reared and chased me around was about an inch and a bit. She wasn’t as big as other’s I’ve seen. But I think she was just snarky at me because I tried to usher her outside. So she reared and chased me around the house while I screamed like a girl. Good thing they can’t jump.

        Usually though they don’t come at you unless you piss them off. I try not to piss them off. At least I can manually handle red back spiders without fear of being bitten so re-homing them is easy. There’s no way in hell I’d think about manually handling a funnel web. It’s way too aggro. And they can bite through soft leather.

        Thankfully we don’t have too many reported bites of these things and usually it only happens during summer migration when they are out looking for a female to mate with.

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          1. Yeah we do, but usually they aren’t aggro and chase you down. Unless you kick a crocodile, or step on a snake, etc.

            I’ve lived here for 35 years so far and am still alive 😉

            I’ve gotten bitten by more bees, ants, flies and mosquito’s than anything else!

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            1. kick a crocodile…haha! Yeah. I think everyone should totally avoid that.

              Aussie question: you seemed excited to see the kangaroos. Are they not prevalent in your area? Or is it like deer here. They’re all over but you still get excited to see them….?

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            2. Umm no they aren’t all over unless you head into the wilderness, bush, desert, outback or country areas.

              Sydney is a very big flat concrete city.

              It’s kind of like expecting to see a bear or armadillo on 6th St in Austin 🙂

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    1. LMAO KATE!!!! The funny thing is, a few years later we went back to that area with friends, and sure as shit I started like a week early and no one would stand next to me when we were hiking cuz they were afraid I would attract bears!!!

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  17. Pingback: Why I hate Valentines day… | Spankalicious

  18. We were in Sequoia National Park and had just gotten out of the car to do one of those nature loops, that doesn’t really require any real hiking. There were a couple of deer hanging around the parking lot, so we stopped to take a few pictures. We continued on and my husband stopped to use the restroom. He started to round the corner to the mens room and immediately began backing up and I finally saw why: it was momma and baby bear coming toward him. We jumped back and pressed ourselves against the bathroom door, poised to open it and lunge in if the bear came closer. She just looked at us and continued on to the meadow in the middle of the nature loop. It was amazing and terrifying at the same time.

    It’s funny. We hike all the time and have never seen a bear in the backcountry, but we see two outside the bathroom in the parking lot.

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    1. Holy Cow! That’s scary as hell! And funny that it was by a bathroom – LOL

      I bet Sequoia Nat. Park was amazing! We’ve been to the Muir woods before, but I think the trees are supposed to be bigger at Sequoia Nat. Park, aren’t they? Anyway it was magical.

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      1. It was really cool. We didn’t get to spend much time there–we were visiting my hubby’s parents and only had a couple of days in the park.

        I haven’t been to the Muir woods, but I think Sequoia has the largest trees in the world.

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    1. Wait…I’m in LOVE with Africa and am officially obsessed with you! Where are you? what part? how long have you been there? and thank you so much for reading and commenting. xo

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  20. I think the scariest things I’ve encountered during camping were the mongeese who stole our buns that we (stupidly) left out on the picnic table. There were bite marks all over the bag and crumbs everywhere.

    I would’ve peed all over myself. Definitely.

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      1. It’s the plural of mongoose. I live in Hawai’i. I think they were an invasive species here at some point maybe? They are cute and move fast. They’re not into people too much.

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  22. I would have done all of the wrong things. I always do when I’m scared. Look in the eye, run, turn my back, I wouldn’t have stood a chance.

    And to think you actually bothered to sit down and do the math to figure out when you weren’t going to see Aunt flo – for this????

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  23. I’m still laughing. Not much of a turn on with the hauling ass and Aunt Flo. I hope your honeymoon got better after that.
    I’m gonna tell you my vacation mishap and I swear, it’s a true story. I have pictures. We went to Beirut for my cousins (2) weddings and we ended up in a horrible war literally dodging bombs. We were evacuated by US Marines and came home on the military ship “The USS Nashville”. It’s always the damn cousins but different one 🙂

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    1. Okay, that trumps a bear sighting any day! HOLY SHIT! That’s terrifying, Manal. Way terrifying. I think I saw hints of that story (and the Marine who helped you, Kyle, is that right? I know he’s no longer living. Terrible story. Bless him.) on your blog but didn’t realize you were there for a wedding! Wow. Unreal. You win effed-up trips!

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  24. Hubby and I only had one serious Grizzly encounter the three summers that we worked in Yellowstone, but it really wasn’t all that bad in retrospect. Still though, every time we went backcountry camping a large part of my night was spent wondering if a bear was going to slash the tent and bite off my head. The most dangerous animal encounter I’ve had was being chased by a bison! BTW, I’ve nominated your for a Dragon’s Loyalty Award.

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    1. Aw, WOW, thank you SO much, Jeri! That’s one award I’ve never heard of! I’m honored you thought of me, really. Big.

      I figured you might have a bear encounter story cuz I remembered you worked in Yellowstone. Also, OMG with a bison chasing you! They can be really scary and quite aggressive. I know they always tell people to stay away, but there’s always that person right up in their grill, taking photos practically on top of the bison and don’t realize they are NOT horses!

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  25. Haha oh my gosh! That’s way way scary. I remember nearly stepping on a rattlesnake when I was younger and just stomping around on the side of a mountain. We’d been running around without a care and my foot froze just before landing on that snake. The paranoid tiptoeing back down the mountain took forever.

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  26. Now that would freak me out. I’d forget all the rules and run screaming.

    I was once sitting in my living room when I saw a huge spider. Stop laughing it was the size of a truck. I climbed on top of the couch and stayed there till my (then) boyfriend got home. Then I talked about where we’d be moving to.

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    1. hahaha! I’m not laughing AT you, I promise! I would’ve done the same thing if the spider was extra-terrestrial-big! What did your boyfriend do with it when he got there? Or had the spider wandered off by then? I would need to know it was outa the house or we’d have to move.

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  27. Damn Aunt Flo! I’ve never come across a bear; when we go hiking we sing loudly and poorly so that the bears know we are coming and have plenty of time to head for the hills, and get some earplugs.

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    1. hahahaha YES! I remember being there with friends and we sounded like a circus coming through! It was all in the name of “bear” survival. We joked that locals could hear us from 2 miles away and would just shake their heads and mumble, “damn tourists” LOL.

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  28. OH. MY. GOD. Beth. I am trying to get over the bear enough to admire the fact that you eloped. Eloping wasn’t for me and my hubs, but I think it is so romantic and I am always jealous of my friends who do it. But the BEAR! Holy shit, that bear! That is some instant bonding through the rough times.

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    1. haha I never thought about it that way – the instant bonding thing. I guess if he wasn’t sure he was going to stick around at that point (getting Aunt flo AGAIN, and during our honeymoon!) he was shit outa luck cuz we were hitched at that point!

      Yeah, eloping was the best decision I ever made. It was definitely how I needed to do it. Thank goodness he was on board!

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  29. Shaking my head…How can The One and Only Trail Blazer…. a. Stumble on a Bear in the wild. b. You should have just fed Jim to it…LOL I know Honeymoon and Love and all that junk……But Come On Trail Blazer…Grow a set!!!!!LMAO
    p.s.
    I really am glad you didn’t feed Jim to him
    Luv Ya

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    1. I had zero cajones that day, Nick! They shriveled up and crawled in my stomach. No huevos. But….I’m still Trail Blazer like a mofo! Just not if there are bears. I have limits, you know.
      xoxo

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    1. damn.fuck.wow is right! I’ll never forget that fear! But what a great story now, right? I should take the bear some huckleberries and thank her. Well, from a distance of course.

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  31. Imagine this if you will…..opening the door from your house to your garage to find a mama and baby bear sitting in your garage and baby bear happily licking the mayo jar he found in the recycle bin with mama taking watch. Yes, that happened to me. I just backed up shut the door and let ’em finish up. That’s the closest I have ever come but we have bears walk down our street and through our yard all the time. We live down the road from a reserve so they just kind of wander over every now and then. You’re right though, don’t mess with a mama/baby combo. Unless you’re ready to die, then have at it!

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    1. I never, ever would have thought you’d have bears in florida!! This happened in Florida, or somewhere you lived before??? And how did they get in the garage? I can’t believe they were eating Mayo…haha! I guess they’ll eat anything.

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      1. We have black bears all over in Florida and I’ve never lived anywhere else! They stroll down the street, through our yards, in our garages….. This was when we first moved into the house we live in now and we didn’t know about the bears so we left the garage door open. We’re a little more careful now 🙂

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  32. Hi Beth, long time no see! I was perusing my blog today and came across my angry poetry post that you left a comment on (which made my day then and now!). I just had to pop over and see what you are up to. Wow… for the post and for all the activity going on here. What a tale! A bear… Aunt Flo… oh my! Seriously I love reading your posts and all the comments along with them!

    The scariest thing I’ve come across… I think it is a toss up between digging in the garden and turning over a snake’s nest with BILLIONS (maybe not billions but it sure seemed like it at the time!) of baby snakes crawling everywhere (I ran straight for the house) and the time Christie and I decided to check out a cabin that we were thinking about renting in the near future for a vacation and finding two, very large spiders (okay they were only about 3 inches in diameter but too big for us) in the sink and scramming out of there as fast as our feet would take us.

    Hope you are having a wonderful day out in Texas!

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    1. Mooooooorgan! I’m so happy to see you here! I see you on FB but haven’t been over to your amazing blog either. I’ve missed you and I a-d-o-r-e you!

      Okay, I kind of like snakes (although not being surprised by them in the wild) and might have been initially freaked out by finding a baby nest in the garden (I mean, holy shit, right?) but then I feel I would have become obsessed with catching one to play with for a bit. I have these memories of finding garter snakes all the freakin’ time when I was little. I would overturn rock after rock looking for them, and now do you think I EVER find one?? NOPE. I still, to this day, overturn big rocks hoping to find one. I would probably own one (a small one) if it weren’t for that whole feeding them frozen mice thing! I did get two lizards for my sons last year. Wow. That sucked and goes down as the dumbest thing I’ve ever bought them! They were a BITCH to take care of! And incredibly expensive. I had to fucking store crickets to feed them. seriously. Never again. And the ridiculous thing is, I got them lizards cuz I thought hamsters would be too hard. In retrospect, 10 hamsters would’ve been easier than those 2 damn lizards – UGH. Notice the past tense. Yeah, they’re dead.

      I have to agree with you on the spiders! I don’t mind “house” spiders and I let those be, but, in a cabin….to come across 2 big ones….you just know they’re everywhere and THAT is a deal breaker!!! I don’t blame you two for sceddadling!

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    1. Uh….no. No photos of the cuddlies. If we’d stayed around you probably would’ve seen pictures in the local newspaper of them, all fat and happy from the two hikers they just ate.

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  34. I. Would. Die. I’ve been on plenty of trails in Wyoming and Montana—bears are scary shit. Good thing you didn’t start Aunt Flo while the bear was around—you would have been his/her dinner for sure!

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    1. OH I’ve been on tons of hikes with Aunt Flo (I sort of perpetually flowed) and my fellow hikers stayed far away from me, certain I was luring all sorts of wild animals. It became a joke to take me on a trip anywhere, which is why I tried SO effing hard to schedule my honeymoon to not include HER, but I guess adrenaline and fear can trigger anything. EVIDENTLY.

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  35. Hahaha, sorry Beth, but you tell a funny tale, even if it WAS scary. 🙂

    So, we live in the foothills of the Appalachians, and we have all sorts of wildlife coming through the yard. One late afternoon, Hubs was out on the screened porch, and I see him pop up from his chair and scramble to the back door. He comes in and says “bear”! And heads to the front door, telling me that he saw what he thought was black, hairy dog legs, then realized it was a bear, and he was headed around the far side of the house toward the front. So we fly to the front door, and I get there first and I open it. 5 (I shit you not), 5 feet away, preparing to step ONTO our front porch, is a young adult bear. We are face to face. I scream like a little girl, poor bear is petrified, turns on his hind legs and shoots through the front yard, across the road, and into the woods on the other side.

    No, we didn’t get any pictures…

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    1. HOLY MACARONI! Lynne (Roby;), that is some scary shit! I can’t imagine them coming around my home! Wow. Just wow. I would’ve screamed, too. That’s just too close for comfort. I mean, it’s amazing (if you feel safe) to see an animal that majestic up close….but I mean….NO. Not on my front porch. I would have had to change my underwear.

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      1. I know, right? I really would have liked to get a photo…but too busy screaming. I was so mad at myself for scaring the bear, because seeing it SO close was just mind-blowing! I didn’t feel scared so much as surprised, thus the scream. Oh well…

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  36. I take it your bear bells didn’t work?! I was about to tell you all about them until I searched to see if they’d come up in comments – and sure enough! You have them. Super scary that wasn’t enough and … still … there was bear.

    Boo to Mother Nature’s confluence of events to ruin honeymoon amidst the Teddy Bears Picnic! I too would be bitter. Never met a bear. And never had a ruined vacation. Got stuck in JFK airport for almost 24 hrs once with no money (because my purse got stolen in Johannesburg before we hit flight shutdown due to storm in NYC). That kinda sucked – but close enough to home that it was fully of the “first world problem” variety. It was in 1995 – I was travelling with my mother – and STILL – every now and again my mother bumps into a woman we met then who basically will come up to her, nod knowingly (like they’d experienced Apocalypse Now; or some other HUGE suffering together) and say, “JFK ’95. ’95.”

    Wanted to let you know I got around to accepting your ever thoughtful Sunshine Award. I blogged about it here: http://babygatesdown.wordpress.com/2014/01/18/awards-awards-awards/.

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    1. Actually, we were walking in such a populated area (wasn’t a true backpacking hike in the canyons or anything) we didn’t have our bear bells! We didn’t even have our backpacks. We were just strolling a path around the lake….WTF? Of all the places we’ve backpacked, deep in the woods, far into canyons and up mountain trails….and we see these bears 200 feet from our effing car?!?! Awesome. Just great. Cue Aunt Flo.

      24 hours in an airport would SUCK. Even worse, having your purse stolen! That was a shitty situation to say the least.

      I read your awesome awards post! Loved it. Congrats on all of them!

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      1. Okay – I missed that you were THAT close to civilization. Funny!

        As for JFK – yeah. I was 18 and travelling with my mother, so I basically got to dissolve into “over-tired hungry, my life is unfair teen” status and let her deal with things after a while. Given that, I suspect it was more awful for her and it remains another reason I think she rocks.

        Glad you liked my novel of a blog award acceptance post 🙂 Thanks again for the Sunshine 🙂

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        1. hahaha! I might have cornered the market on “over-tired, my life is unfair” teen, and I wasn’t even trapped in an airport.

          You’re SO welcome for the sunshine, my friend!!!! It was a no-brainer. Love you to pieces.

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  37. OMG! A memorable honeymoon, eh? I have come face to face with a few different animals in my travels…bears in Banff, moose in BC, kangaroos and dingos in the outback of Australia, bats camping near the Great Barrier Reef, GIANT lizards in San Juan! All scary because 1. some were bigger than me and 2. they were unexpected. Love your stories and antics…keep them coming ❤

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  38. Hi Audrey! Wow, you have been everywhere! I have travel envy big-time.

    Hey – I made my first recipe from one of the books you sent and it was INCREDIBLE!! (vegan mac n cheese)
    I love the author, she’s hysterical! Very sarcastic humor throughout the book. I think if I wrote a cook book it would sound very much like her.

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  39. I have seen quite a few bears in my time; so many, in fact, that they’ve ceased to scare me.
    This is not a good thing, I know. I should be scared of them – they’re f-ing bears!

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    1. YES – they are F’ing bears, Natalie! WTH? I am surprised by how many bear sightings others have had, though. I guess when you live in those areas it’s much more common. But OMG bears! Very scary. To MOST of us….ahem.

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  40. How delightful – I have such fond memories of encountering a large black stump on a dog walk two summers ago. Poppy began barking at said stump. It moved. I’m on a windy trail with just my dog. Wedged between a huge soaring cliff on the left and a deep plunging ravine on the right. Bear sussed us up in a flash. Not worthy of a bite. Shrugged and lumbered into the ravine, snapping branches as if they were twigs. I’ve never run faster in my life.

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  41. I’m not much of a hiker / woodsy type person. Much rather walk the streets of New York City than face a bear (ha ha, ‘walk the streets’ does NOT sound right). Glad you made it through the Bear sighting and lived to tell about it!!!!

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  42. Oh man! I would have died! My last vacation was ruined by the unexpected. We were supposed to go to FL for 10 days and thanks to the Jet Blue debacle (and the weather) we never made it out of NY….

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  44. OH Shit…I am so not sure what I would have done! Yep run for my life would have done the same thing…crazy thoughts would have gone through my head like “NO…I am not ready to die yet” !!!
    Did you manage to grab a photo of it before walking away, or was it too much of a shock to think about anything?
    I so would have peed my panties for sure 🙂

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    1. Uh…no. We turned around so fast we couldn’t even think to breathe much less grab a photo! In fact, if one of us had even been holding the camera (which we weren’t) we probably would’ve dropped it in our hasty escape!

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