43 Random Thoughts, And I Might Be A Visionary.

I took my kids to the movies today. Luckily, we scored seats in the very back row, which means mommy can play on her phone….until my 10yo got all preachy about it and made me get off because he was afraid we’d get kicked out. I find that goody-two-shoes behavior ironic when he’s the one who did this magical project in school, which his father and I saw for the first time displayed ON THE WALL at open house this past Thursday. It’s titled (I shit you negative) “How To Be A Pain In The Bum”

 

 

project

Proud Moment

It’s hard to read, so allow me:
1. Do everything at the last minute
2. Don’t ever shut the door
3. Do not clean any messes
4. Ask for money everyday
5. Persuade your mom for everything she ever has said no to
6. Sneak video games into your room at night

There are drawings to accompany his instruction, including one of “stick figure mom” with stringy hair and giant frown. Awesome.

ANYway, with no phone and no interest in the movie, I had nothing left to do but let my mind wander.

43 things I thought During The Movie:

I’ve consumed an ungodly amount of popcorn.

I don’t feel so good.

I’m having heart palpitations.

Oooooohhhh, I wish I had some Junior Mints.

I should tell the kids I’m going to get some.

I bet they’ll get all freaked out and won’t let me.

Why are they so scared to be in the theater without me?

They’re 7 and 10 for pete’s sake. They can almost drive.

I mean, what if I had to pee? I’d have to take both them and all our shit to the bathroom.

Next time, I’m getting Junior Mints before the movie no matter how hard I try to convince myself not to.

Because…Junior Mints.

Seriously, what would I do if I had to pee?

I should wear a Poise pad to the movies from now on.

Is it Poise or Depends? Which one is for leakage, and which one is for full bladder release?

I think I need Depends. But do they really absorb ALL the pee?

What if it leaked? What would I tell the kids?

Sorry, we have to leave. Mommy peed her yoga pants. Walk behind me.

They should have ushers that watch your kids while you go pee or get Junior Mints.

They could sit in your seat while you’re gone, just like the seat fillers at the Oscars.

I have such good ideas.

Why are 3D movies so damn expensive?

And these stupid 3D glasses are making it impossible to check Facebook.

They should have 3D bifocals for all the parents. The bottom part would be clear plastic so you can check Facebook without getting tired head.

I like the name Mateo.

I should get this popcorn out of my lap, but I don’t like to set it on the floor.

What if a roach crawls in it?

What’s up with animation shorts before the movie? The previews are enough. I don’t need a movie before the movie. It’s obnoxious.

I love that this seat reclines.

I could seriously nap.

It’s a fucking crime that I don’t have a waitress right now.

They should install little computers at each seat where you can punch in your order and your Junior Mints would be delivered right to you.

Like Sonic, but quieter.

I’m a freakin’ visionary.

A visionary who’d be much more productive with Junior Mints.

Your loss, movie theater.

HOW LONG IS THIS MOVIE?

Why do animals always have to sing in the movies?

Oh look. There’s popcorn in my cleavage.

SCORE! nom nom nom

I want a pet named Nigel.

Ohhhh, I have Game of Thrones taped!

I wonder if Adam Levine watches GoT? I bet he does. Sexy beast.

I can’t feel my right ass cheek.

Do you have brilliant ideas when your mind wanders? What are some of your best? Do you think they should have wait staff and seat fillers in movie theaters? Your comments are better than JUNIOR MINTS!  

 

 

 

 

 

 

152 comments

  1. I’m always resisting the urge to look up actors on IMDB in the middle of the theater, or at least when the movie is bad.

    I wish I had named my kid Nigel. He would be the only one in his class, at least.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Oh, that’s a good idea. I never thought to look up actors! Not that I needed another reason to use my phone in the theater. UGH. I just can’t tolerate kids movies lately. I’m sure my kids are thrilled with that.

      I KNOW! Nigel is such a cool name.

      Like

  2. I think you should just smuggle a whole Peppermint Patty in your cleavage, then you don’t to stop for the much-smaller Junior MInts.

    I think you should have a pet named Mateo and save Nigel for a human.

    I think your 10-year-old should get an A in sarcasm, but a C-minus for penmanship.

    I think I like thinking about your crap instead of my crap for a couple of minutes.

    Thanks, Beth.

    Like

    1. His penmanship drives me apeshit! I would totally give him a C.

      Peppermint Patti in my cleavage = BRILLZ. It would be very warm and buttery. YUM.

      I want a giant, black/white Great Dane named Mateo. Make it happen, Mark.

      Like

  3. I love me some Junior Mints, and at least he didn’t draw you as a fat ass, right?

    I do my best thinking when I jog, which isn’t often. Problem is, I reward myself for jogging with 12 packs of beer and completely forget what it was I thought, and sometimes my own name.

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    1. TRUE. I didn’t even think of that, Don. I’d rather be a scary looking stick figure than a blob-mom figure. I will go kiss him on the head now.

      Yes, I can relate to brilliance while running, only to have the exercise wasted on alcohol. #hungoverrightnow

      Like

  4. Your ideas are brilliant and your son’s list is amazing. Perfect. I don’t have any Junior Mints, but I have wine. No…shit. I drank the wine. I have cupcakes.

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  5. And…if you’re wondering where all of my witty replies have gone…well, they are still sitting in the bleachers baking in the sun. I used them all up on the baseball umpires today 🙂

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  6. Damn funny. I like the bifocals idea. I don’t wear glasses nor have FB, but I still like the idea, that is how utterly mad and brilliant it is.

    That kid’s going places. He’s going to start some interweb thingy that I won’t, nor will ever, understand and make stupid gobs of money and have fooseball tables in his corner office and never wear a tie. EVER. That’s good stuff. Unlike Junior Mints…they just don’t do it for me. Sigh.

    Paul
    [banned for the Junior Mint comment]

    Like

    1. I was going to ban you for your Junior Mint comment, but then I read that one part to my son and he commanded, “Let Paul stay” and so I did because if he’s gonna be rich someday I want him to still love me and buy me things. OH and take me on trips all over the world! Yes. I need to treat him special.

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  7. Lady, you ideas are fucking brilliant! OMG! This was awesome. Awesome, awesome, awesome. And I wish I wrote this. It’s like doing an inner voice stenography. Love, love, love. This is seriously terrific.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. I’ve missed you, Rd! Where have you been? You okay?

      My son will totally have his own blog! I can see it. He has his own Youtube channel for pete’s sake. He’s sort of a techy dynamo.

      Like

  8. I was laughing the whole way through. We would be hilarious at the movies together! We seriously wouldn’t have a clue what was going on, nor would we care!

    I actually like putting the popcorn and the junior mints together. Yum!

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    1. Chocolate and salt together is GENIUS. I’ve always always always bought popcorn with junior mints at the movies…..until recently, when I’m trying to “make better choices” blah blah blah. So the popcorn was for my sons, but guess who ate 99% of it?

      We would have a blast doing anything together, Samara. I know it. 🙂

      Like

  9. Girl, this was hilarious! And your kid is awesome. Of course if it was MY kid, I would be mortified, but it’s your kid, so it’s fully awesome. 🙂

    p.s. My worst movie-going experience:
    We were watching Eyes Wide Shut. There was a middle-aged couple, and their elderly mother, in the row in front of us. The older woman kept asking, very loudly, “what did he just say?”, “What was that?”, “What did the girl say?”; at which point the son would repeat the line. All this was in full speaking voice, not in whispers. All the while, a few seats away from me were a lesbian couple, who were oblivious to the loud-talkers because they were macking on each other the entire time. But then one of them got gassy and started farting. A lot. So, yeah, hillbilly loud talkers and farting lesbians. It was a great experience.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. If you do a post about this, titled “Hillbilly loud talkers and farting lesbians” I will die a happy woman. LOL that’s SO funny, Nancy! And all this during Eyes Wide Shut?!?! How awkward and annoying (and later….hilarious). Who farts in the movie theater (loud enough for others to hear)??

      Liked by 1 person

  10. Um, Beth, I’ll volunteer to get that popcorn out of your cleavage. With my tongue. Hey, just trying to be a gentleman to a lady in need.

    Most 3D movies are so not worth it. Yet, we pay for them. Also, here in NYC there is a theater where they serve you cocktails and dinner right at your seat during the movie. It’s Heaven!

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    1. Pushes cleavage towards you…waiting…..

      We have a theater pretty close to where I live that does this, too. Waiters. Food. Wine/beer. but it’s for adults, not freakin’ Muppet watching chaos elves. I’ve actually never been to it. *puts on list: go to cool theater and be served while watching movie*

      Like

  11. I LOVE those stick figures. I remember drawing my family taller than the house and I portrayed my dad as being ENORMOUSLY fat (because he was larger than others in my family) and having black hair (I still swear it’s black.) And RED smileys, because lipstick is supposed to be red (I can’t remember one instance in my life where my mom actually wore that color!)

    I love this post and the things your son wrote!

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    1. Thank you, Melanie! I also always made lips bright red. I never even thought about it before, but yeah, it’s lipstick….and who wears bright-ass red? Other than Gwen Stefani. Who I love. Did you hear she’s going to be a new judge on The Voice next season. COOL. I want to be her. Mostly so I can sleep with her hottie husby, Gavin R.

      this reply got weird –walks away slowly–

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  12. First of all, you’re supposed to stop at Walgreen and load your purse with candy, so you are PREPARED for the Junior Mint emergency. Second, you have a theater with reclining seats? Ours only recline because they’re all broken. You don’t want to set the popcorn down on the ground at our theater, because it would stick to the floor, just like your feet do.

    Did you son get an A?

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    1. I know, I know. I went so unprepared. I’m ashamed of myself. We were rushing, and plus I had my small clutch and not my giant tote with me. I can fit a gallon of milk in my tote. Not that I want that at the movies.

      I asked him if it was graded and he said yes, but there’s not a grade anywhere on the project. (?) His teacher seemed to find the humor in it, so my guess is YES.

      Like

  13. I can not tell you how hard I laughed because A) you indeed ARE a freaking visionary and B) I have so many of those exact thoughts in movie theaters – the first being the fear of roaches in my popcorn thing.

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    1. Seriously, what better breeding ground for roaches and rats than in a movie theater! I mean, I’d live there if I were a food scrounging critter. It’s dark. There’s popcorn and M&M’s always on the floor. There are hiding places. It’s sticky and gross. PERFECT.

      Liked by 1 person

  14. We watched a movie at an Alamo Drafthouse not too long ago. Beer and dinner while watching the movie is a good thing. They even have fancy popcorns and such if you are into such a thing. The servers would happily bring you your junior mints. The only real issue is when you have to pee. I wish they had a tv showing the movie in the potty and sutff. That way when I do have to get up I can stay up to date with what is going on while I am in the bathroom. I mean what happens if its going to be an extended stay. How much did you pay for that movie that you will now miss important parts of?

    Like

  15. First off, I volunteer to help Phil and make this an awesome 3-way movie short!! Fuck the previews! Now, is there any way possible, I can harness your freaking sense of humor and keep it with me all day, like Jumbie! Jumbie is my stuffed animal that I’ve had since 3. It’s an alligator (Florida girl) and along with Armando (my stuffed Penguin) I just can’t seem to get rid of the little bastards at the age of 27 because just looking at them makes me freaking laugh like an idiot! Bethie, I’ve had such a bad freaking week. Words can’t explain, how much I ❤ coming to your blog & cutting loose and laughing. Knowing there's a woman out there, with the perfect sense of humor! I've searched long and hard to find a man that would make me laugh only to find it in a fellow blogging Sister! So here's what I wanna do! I'm gonna Frankenstein this bitch and piece together the perfect man using: #1 Alexander Skarsgards face #2. Chris Hemsworths Body #3. Adam Levin's sexy ass tats & piercings (special gift for Bethie-below) #4. Gerard Butlers bad-boy attitude & beautiful Scottish accent. #5. Anne Rice's dark mind! #6. Brian McKnight's singing voice. #7. Bethie's diet. #8. Bethie's wicked sense of humor. #9. Bethie & Adam's luv & dedication to Yoga! And what do we have behind door #1 for GingerBrooke? The Perfect freaking man!!! lmao 😛 Absolutely luv the junior mints constantly being brought up!! Why? Why the fuck not? They're junior mints!

    And for you Bethie for totally rocking!!
    This is People Magazines Body-map of Levine's ink! http://instagram.com/p/g63RD4xFx1/#
    http://www.usatoday.com/story/life/2013/11/19/adam-levine-sexiest-man-alive-facts/3643927/
    Adam Levine Fun-fact: he does Yoga before every performance.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. OMG I watched that video and read the entire thing about my cutie-pie lover boy. THANK YOU. Yummy yum yum.

      AND AND I would take that frankensteined perfect man any day of the week and twice on Tuesday! PERFECTION. (such a good job adding an accent too. swoon)

      Love you sweet girl. Even your stuffed animals you can’t get rid of. (cuz who does, amirite?)

      Sorry you had a rough week! *HUGS* I sincerely hope this week is a better one.

      Like

    1. But you can still enjoy boobs and not have to wear a bra. You can look at them, feel them…other things that I’m sure I don’t need to mention here, but you don’t have to lug them around. The best of both worlds, dude!

      I have to admit, cleavage is a convenient pocket. And it keeps the food warm.

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            1. I’m truly sorry I can’t help you with that, TD. Maybe wear a shirt with a lil pocket, then push your man boobs together and just pretend you found the morsel in your cleavage. Otherwise, you’ll just have to live vicariously through me.

              Like

    1. I’m not a great sharer of Junior Mints. I get territorial with some food. But I’d make an exception for you, Kim. 🙂

      There is an Independent Film theater very close to me, and they DO have beer/wine, but they don’t do kids movies. *shakes fists*

      Like

  16. He really did that? I wouldn’t have believed it if it wasn’t for the picture so thank you. Your kid is going places! And yeah I think all the time. Crazy thoughts but none of them as good as yours. And I hate 3d glasses. I always get the bad ones. You can’t see properly and you leave the theatre with a feeling that since no one complained about their glasses you might need to get your eyes checked. But I enjoy animated 3d. Sorry 😦

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    1. I enjoy 3D, I just hate that it’s 3x as expensive as the regular movies. I paid for myself and two kids and it was almost $30. Wow. And then we spent another $20 at the concession stand. That’s an expensive 2 hours. But whatdoyado, right? It tis what it tis.

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  17. LOL! Now the convo before makes sense – the other side, as it were!

    I think the thing which entertained me most is that you got through easily half of those 43 thoughts before the trailers were over! Wow.

    Aaaaand that’s why I don’t take the kids to the movies. We tried it once. NIGHTmare!

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    1. It IS really hard to take kids to the movie alone! CAHrazy. My biggest issue is that they won’t let me leave them for 2 minutes, which I’ve never even considered until I knew they were old enough to be left alone. If I even mention leaving to go to the bathroom, my TEN YEAR OLD will grab my arm and not let go. *sigh*

      Actually, I didn’t start my list until well after the movie started, but I continued to have thoughts about the long-ass trailers. I’m sure I had a million more thoughts, but those were the ones I typed into my phone notepad (with the brightness turned all the way down, hiding it behind my purse in my lap so D wouldn’t get all preachy with me.UGH).

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      1. Boys are much more clingy than girls, I think. I know Neff’s not as old as your eldest, but he would DEFINITELY need to come with me, whereas Niece would be fine (though I’d be terrified of leaving her for fear of coming back to find a) her out of her seat and b) the entire theatre in uproar about something she’d’ve done. But Neff forsure needs more reassurance than her, and she’s cool to just do whatever.

        You need a tag-team partner for the movies next time, BW. I’d offer, but I’m kinda far 😉

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        1. You’re very sweet, and yes, I’d tag team with you in a heart beat if we lived closer! Mandi and I discussed going to movies together with the kids over the summer. That will help tremendously!

          AND you are 100% correct about boys being more clingy than girls! SO so true. Mine are so shy and very clingy in public. I’m constantly saying, “get OFF me!”. LOL

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          1. Bless their hearts. Enjoy it while it lasts – one day they’ll stop wanting to hide behind you and hang on for comfort.

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            1. Ah but meantime they are TOO CUTE. And I’m seeing Neff tomorrow, to play him his message. If I can find it waaaay back in all the convo. I’ll try to get him to send one back. He’ll either think it’s a great laugh, or refuse outright (warning – you might get one from Niece as well, cos she’ll hate to be left out).

              Liked by 1 person

            2. OH, I hope he does. Soy will get the BIGGEST kick out of hearing his little voice. (but trust me, I understand if he’s too shy!) And a bonus would be to hear niece too!

              Liked by 1 person

  18. Lol this is genius. I loved the project, totally something my 7yo would do! I especially loved the cleavage popcorn score. Adam Levine IS a sexy beast. I would be drooling for the nachos instead of junior mints. Happy Sunday Funday aka Sunday GetShitDoneDay. 😉

    Like

    1. haha it really is GetShitDoneDay. I’ve folded FOUR loads of laundry already, and vacuumed the whole house, and it’s not even 10:30am.
      #AdamLove #CleavageSnacks

      Like

  19. Beth…OMG, this is by far my favorite post ever because it is so you!!! I lurve it so much. And next time you go to the movies, call me because I have the same problem with my kids. They will not stay in the theater by themselves. Granted, they’re 3 and 7, and I could potentially get them taken away from me if I left them, but if you were there, we could take turns going to the bathroom so that you wouldn’t have to wear poise or depends, and it’s depends, by the way, that are for full bladder release and poise is for leakage. But Poise recently started competing with Depends and have created a feminine type of lady diaper that’s more like PANTIES than a diaper. It is not important how I know this. Just consider yourself informed. Also, they do have theaters with waiters. There’s one in Allen called the iPic and one in Richardson called Studio Movie Grill, and it’s really fuggin awesome because they bring you junior mints and…wine. Yes, that’s where we’ll go see Madagascar 7 with all four of our kids. And about that popcorn in your cleavage…I’d totally dig that out for you. I think that covers everything.

    Like

    1. *shudders at the ‘P’ word* STOP THAT. She’s says facetiously.

      Yes Yes Yes. We need to take the kids to the movies together. For realz. That would make movies a million times more enjoyable. We need to make some serious plans this summer. I’m not even joking about that.

      Like

        1. Well, lord knows I miss hanging out with you…even tho we’ve never done that without the kids around! Oh yeah, we did once that night we were going over my editor’s notes. ANYway, I adore your lil toe heads, too. That little M….the one with the cutest expressions EVER. She kills me. And she’s getting SO TALL.

          Like

  20. Loved this! So funny but I love reading people’s thought processes. I hand my own while reading this:

    How did she remember all this?

    I love popcorn.

    Did she write it on her phone?

    Omg! I totally want some junior mints now.

    Do they sell those in Germany?

    Seriously, I could nap too.

    What movie is she watching?

    Why have I still not tried to watch an episode of GoT?

    Adam….yum.

    I still want some junior mints.

    And so on 🙂 you are a visionary SW.

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    1. *grinning HUGE*

      Okay: when I got the idea, I typed all this on my phone’s notepad. I had the brightness turned all the way down and was hiding it behind my purse in my lap so my 10yo wouldn’t bust me. We went to see Rio 2.

      YOU HAVE TO WATCH GoT IMMEDIATELY. Seriously, it’s the best series I’ve ever watched. EVER. And I’ve watched them all.

      #AdamLove

      Like

  21. Mmmm… Junior Mints. You know who else likes them in the movie theater? Stephen King. He shishkebobs them with a toothpick and then eats them one at a time. Thank my addiction to Entertainment Weekly for this info.

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  22. I think your son inherited your humor and writing talent! Maybe he should start a blog, I would totally read it! My thoughts on this are: 1. Junior Mints are so yum. 2. my kids are needy little things who don’t want to venture more than 10 feet from me. Either I’m a super cool parent or I’m raising needy helpless little shits. 3. I am gonna have to start wearing Depends when I read your blog 3. I can hardly sit through kids’ movies any more, Frozen almost made me shove knives in my ears 4. I have all kinds of brilliant ideas – inventions and cool bars and restaurants that I think someone else should build in my neighborhood 5. They should offer free alcohol at kids’ movies 6. I heart you!

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    1. I want to hug you for saying Frozen made you want to stab knives in your ears. I think I have PTSD from that movie. I can’t even hear the music now without getting an eye tic. What is up with all the singy song movies? *shudder*

      I’m probably raising helpless shits, too. and I’m not even going to tell my son about all the comments saying he is so funny, and/or he should start a blog, because he’ll totally DO IT. He’s quite amused with himself, and he’s super techy and even has his own Youtube channel already. I wouldn’t even know how to do that?!?!

      FREE alcohol at kids’ movies – *gasp* YESSSSSSS

      I HEART YOU TOO!!!

      Like

  23. HA! I do the same thing…And my daughter totally gets annoyed with me being on my phone… BUt my brain is so buzy…I can do both and I promised her when she was a mom one day she would be able to do both too.

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    1. one day you’re going to have to explain “fangboner” to me. I’m amused and intrigued. 🙂

      And, I totally know what you’re saying – I CANNOT sit there for 2 fugging hours and do nothing – UGH!!!!

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        1. GET. OUT. Where is the name originally from? As in, what region? (Yeah, that’s love, although it’s so bad it’s good in a way. I kind of think it’s awesome)

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          1. Its origin is Dutch… They are mostly Dutch Irish German. Oh we have so much fun with it… Can’t pronounce it….nope that person doesn’t live here….Or giving it as reservations….and hope there is a change in shift…bwahahahahaha…It is pronounced exactly how it is spelled… Fang…boner….but people think oh that can’t be and try and put fancy accents on it.

            actually when he told me I thought he was pulling my leg…and he showed me his ID and I was like thats fake!

            Liked by 1 person

            1. hahahaha I would’ve thought it was fake too! I love that you all have fun with it. That’s greatness. OMG the restaurant reservations alone would be worth marrying into that name – LOL.

              Dutch, eh? It made me think of vampires (obvs cuz of the word fang). Maybe they originated there. OH or werewolves! How cool would that be?? Well, from over here it seems cool…..

              Like

            2. That would be Epic…I have a feeling though my inlaws would not agree…..they are mormon…We are not….I would think it was Epic though.

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  24. I so abhor movies!!!! I rant and go manic in my head! I loved your train of thought not unlike my own at those times…doesnt even slow down at the effing depot…. anyway HAD to tell you my great neph is named Mateo (ma is from Brazil) and we used to have a parrot named Nigel…Nigel would have to be a parrot or turtle or maybe an iguana…as a dog or something he’d never live the name down!

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    1. OH that’s so cool about your great nephew! I really love that name. I used to love the name Milo for a son, but then we didn’t have any more kids, so I named my dog Milo. 🙂

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    1. ZACTLY!!! I actually LOVE the movies, too. I really do. It’s one of my favorite escapes. It’s just the kids’ movies that bore holes in my brain.

      Like

  25. We have one of those dinner and movie deals near our house. We took our 9-year-old to see Mr Sherman and Peabody or whatever that movie is called (it’s very good). Having someone wait on you at your seat and eat wings/cheeseburger/whatever while watching a flick is pretty amazing, and expensive.

    I’m anti-mint. I hope we can still be friends but I need my chocolate and mint to be separated at all times.

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  26. This is hilarious! I’ve sat through more than a few movies in my life that were unsuccessful in capturing my attention. I hate that feeling of being stuck with nothing to do for two hours but watch a bad story!

    Like

    1. Well hello there new friend. Welcome, and thank you! 🙂

      Yes, that feeling is the WORST UGH. All I have to say is thank god for iphones. I’ve even taken my ipad to read a book while in a kids’ movie. As long as we’re in the back and I have the brightness turned down, I get away with it.

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  27. It is so comforting to peek into someone else’s head and find out that it is as bizarre as my own. And Junior Mints? Manna from heaven.

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  28. The last movie I saw was The Lego Movie and everything was awesome! Couldn’t get that theme song out of my head for days and day and days. The random progression of thought in this post is pretty damn awesome as well! Squirrel! Oh yeah, where was I….

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    1. You know, I dreaded seeing the Lego movie but was pleasantly surprised. Or maybe I was just high on popcorn and junior mints. Either way, I actually watched the movie.

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  29. Good grief, but there’s a lot of comments to scroll through. (Congrats!)
    Your son is hilarious, and he certainly knows how to be a pain. I hope he doesn’t use all of those skills on you too often. I’m curious, though, what the assignment actually was.
    Ah, to have a cleavage in which to sneak candy…

    Like

    1. As a matter of fact, he does use those skills at home, but he’s much for covert about it. I knew he snuck the ipad into his room sometimes, but I didn’t know the others were such deliberate actions.

      I asked him about the project: it was a “how to” writing project. They got to pick the subject.

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  30. Dude, this post made me tired! You think like a hamster on crack! But I loved every single minute of it and the next time I’m at the movies, THIS is what I’ll be doing.
    I can’t stop laughing at your son’s open house display. Hey, at least he keeps it interesting and the teacher knows he totally did this all by himself because it doesn’t have the BS “My mom baked 7000 cookies from scratch for the church bake sale and is sending all of the money to Save The Spiders Foundation”….yeah, those are bullshit. I like his better. And don’t worry, he’ll probably have kids someday. Start the curse…”I hope you have ten just like you!” It works. Really.

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    1. It was a surprise fer sher! We knew nothing of this project until Open House. He’s a pretty funny kid, and yeah, there’s no mistaking this was all his idea! *shakes head*

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  31. Love how your inner dialogue sounds just like mine! Hilarious!

    We almost always have Jr Mints on hand at my house, but even more important (for me) are the Sour Patch. Everyone who lives here knows we DO NOT let Mom run out of Sour Patch. Evah. 😉

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  32. Hahaha, I have missed you, Beth! My own fault tho…too too busy lately.

    You perfectly described the sound track of my mind when I am trying to do mindful meditation. Epic fail. 🙂

    And Yes to:
    – movies with wine and food delivered to your seat.
    – Guap for President
    – your kid’s blog
    – twizzlers

    Liked by 1 person

  33. You had a lot of thoughts there, was the film really bad or you were just extremely bored? It kind of reminds me of when I have insomnia and the random things that pass through my mind.

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    1. My kids loved the movie. It was good I suppose, but I just wasn’t in the mood AT ALL to ingest a kids movie that day….so my mind wandered. It is very much how my mind wanders when I can’t sleep as well. Actually, my insomnia thoughts are more anxiety related. They probably wouldn’t be as funny.

      Like

  34. Thanks for reminding me all of the non-money reasons why I hate going to the movies!
    In my sister’s town they have a fancy-ass theater, literally, where you can sit on RECLINERS and order food and drinks from a waiter/waitress. I’m not sure about the bathroom, that’s probably the same deal. I would almost definitely have to go, I can barely make it through a movie what w/the booze I smuggle in, and the amount I slam down before we leave. Then I would make the kids go with me and they would HATE it. This is how I justify paying to stream Netflix. You can pause and pee on demand. Murica! hahaha

    Like

  35. The one time, yes the one time I left my seat I knew I shouldn’t be leaving. I zoomed up to get a popcorn refill for my darling kidlets. I had to go quickly right because they’d be on their own for a whole 7 minutes which they deplored. Anywho, zoomed up, reached the stairs turned a sharp right and smacked right into a plexiglass wall. Resounding BOOM throughout the theatre. Holy Hell. Yep hurt like hell and all I could hear after everyone settled down were my children’s guffaws. Leg numb for a week.

    Like

    1. *tries not to laugh but fails* OMG Kelly! That’s awfulhilarious (<<totally a thing) I would die if I blammed into glass in front of everyone. hahahahaha! the only thing worse would be if you'd already filled your popcorn and the hit sent it flying everywhere!

      Like

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