guest post

Let’s Spend the Night Together

Here’s how the convo went down between me and the lovely Helena:

Helena: Would you be interested in hosting the end of my six-part love story?

Me: Of course! GIVE ME THE SEX SCENE That will be lovely to have you GIVE ME THE SEX SCENE on my blog. I just caught up on parts 1 – 4 and can’t wait for part 5 GIVE ME THE SEX SCENE.

Helena: Awesome! I feel like your blog would be great for the hot steamy writhing sex finale.

Me: Ooooh, finale. I like that word. It’s sort of like climax. I get to the climax. Yum.

And that’s how Part 6 ended up here. I hope you enjoyed that glimpse of my professionalism. If you haven’t been following the story, please don’t skip the foreplay beginning. This is a luxurious six-course meal, after all. Allow me to wet your appetite:

Appetizer: Lizzi  “Hunting and Gathering in the Modern Age, or, The Quest for Red Grapefruit Juice”
Salad: Gretchen “Bad Behavior”
Meat: Samara   “Please Please Please Let Me Get What I Want”
Vegetables: Mandi  “One Night in Bangkok, Or, Quite Possibly My Last First Date”
Cappuccino: Hayley “I Put a Spell on You, or, Quite Possibly the Last First Kiss”
And, finally, your dessert. Enjoy.

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The Stranger

TAMARA’S IN THE HOUSE!!!

I couldn’t be more thrilled to have the intensely-creative writer/poet, Tamara Woods, over to play today. I just got her book of poetry, The Shaping Of An “Angry” Black Woman, and am blown away by its complexity. I think you, dear readers-o-mine, will approve of the subject she’s chosen to share with you here, AND the best part is revealed through video because she freakin’ rocks like that! Without further ado, here’s a little taste of Tamara.

 

When I was growing up, I tried to picture who my perfect man would be. Talk, dark and handsome? A culinary wizard who also paints and likes to watch football? A cross between Jordan Knight, Christian Slater (circa Pump Up the Volume mixed with a bit of Heathers) and Johnny Depp (circa Benny and Joon)?

As I grew older, I realized I’m attracted to the misfit toys. This extends to friendships as well as lovers. I want the ones who are a little left of center. Not necessarily fixer uppers, because I don’t think they’re broken. I think they’re different, which makes them special. If I wanted normal, I’d turn on my dryer and have a seat. (This is going to a weird place. Let’s bring it on back.)

I’m also drawn to mystery. The unknown. If he’s got a brain like a puzzle, then I’m going to try to figure him out. What is his motivation? My current boyfriend, or as I like to call him, The Mathemagician is a man of few words. But when he speaks, I’m either laughing or learning-a heady combination for me. Going into year four, I’m still wondering where he comes up with this stuff. Utterly fascinating.

Back in my foot loose and slutty freed days, my roving eye would unerringly find that stranger across the crowded bar who wasn’t talking to anyone. He’s the one I’m going to sidle up to and give the sexy eye.–Though I’m not really good at being sexy, so it would more likely me doing a parody of the sexy eye, which looks like I’m having a twitchy fit. I rely on humor to bring the boys to the yard. They have to get their own milkshakes. I’m not Betty fucking Crocker.–

Anyway, what was I saying?

Oh yes, mystery. Intrigue. The guy who is smoldering in a corner, not really speaking. He clearly has something on his mind. And I want that something to be me.

Here’s a poem about meeting that perfect stranger.

Tamara Woods was raised (fairly happily) in West Virginia, where she began writing poetry at the age of 12. Her first poetry collection is available at http://amzn.to/1kti3r0.  She has previous experience as a newspaper journalist, an event organizer, volunteer with AmeriCorps and VISTA, in addition to work with people with disabilities. She has used her writing background to capture emotions and moments in time for anthologies such as Empirical Magazine, her blog PenPaperPad and writing articles as a full-time freelance writer. She is a hillbilly hermit in Honolulu living with her Mathemagician.

You can stalk her in a non-creepy totally internet way here:

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Beyond Boring: Three Days With Professor Bland

I couldn’t be more excited for my guest today,

Jeri Walker-Bickett.

To say this woman is multi-talented would be an understatement. Her blog is not only filled with posts about all aspects of writing, but also personal stories, editing advice, book reviews, and author interviews. She’s also an accomplished author herself, and a freelance editor…you know… in her spare time. The best part, though, is the fact that she’s approachable, funny, and supportive. If you don’t know of her already, I encourage you to visit her blog STAT!

Without further ado, I leave in you Jeri’s capable hands. (more…)

I’m Out Way Past My Curfew!

What do tofu and dildos have in common?

They’re both meat substitutes.

WHAT.

Okay, sorry. That was terrible. But I had to get the naughty out of my system – I’m over at Past My Curfew today because Mike was drunk generous enough invite me over to play.  I wanted to behave myself over there at his awesome blog. I think I did. Maybe.

You be the judge.

Do it. There’s another joke and everything. Go here.

What Do Women REALLY want?

Today I’m over at the The Insane Asylum where Mike asked three lady-bloggers some very provocative questions in his quest to learn What Women Want. Personal questions. And we answered HONESTLY.

WHAT DO WOMEN WANT?

To see what Kristi, Joy, and yours truly told him, press HERE. Harder. Oh yeah, baby, Do. Not. Stop.

talk dirty photo: Talk dirty to me talkdirty.jpg