support

This is what happens when 9 women can get their shit together and meet

Online friendships can be pretty intense, but nothing compares to finally hugging someone you’ve known only online for years. You get to learn how they sigh after they laugh, how their nose crinkles when they smile, how their voice sounds, and how they walk. It’s kind of magical, really.

The SisterWives are a force to be reckoned with over the wires, but when we actually got together In Real….HO. LEE. SHIT.

It was electric and thrilling and perfect.

I was very nervous meeting eight of them at once. I’m pretty sure I was quiet and wore a huge, creepy grin for a full 24 hours. But then I realized that I already knew these people. They are family. And I can fart if I want to.

Just kidding…I didn’t do that. (that anyone’s aware of)

A handful of our tribe couldn’t make it this time, but that’s okay….there will be another SisterWives gathering in the near future. And another….and another…..

To enjoy a hilarious recap and see photos of our meet up, go HERE.

 

Innards, the other white meat. That makes no sense. Just roll with it.

In response to several people reaching out to me for writing advice, I thought I’d put together this list. Each of these require deliberate intent and aren’t always easy or comfortable, but I hope something here helps you avoid learning the hard way, like I tend to do.

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WTF’S, Beards, BJ’s, and Anniversaries. Related, but not.

I feel very restricted by the internet today. What I really want to do is jump out from behind a door and yell, “HEY! I HAVE ALL KINDS OF SHIT TO TELL YOU!” I’d have a giant creepy grin on my face and it would scare you so bad you’d pee a little, and we’d laugh….and laugh….

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Introducing The Sisterwives

If I were able to get to a computer, I’d have written this myself. Lizzi knocks this intro out of the park, so I couldn’t resist using her words to help me introduce something I’m incredibly proud of and excited about….

Considerings

The Blogosphere moves in mysterious ways, and there was something about the meeting of this particular collection of individuals which screamed ‘destiny’. Allow me to introduce The SisterWives:

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And Then Dracula Tweeted Me. The End.

*TToT LIKE A MOFO*

*WELCOME*

I’m thankful Dracula sees the value in social media. I’ve mentioned before I love monsters, bloodsuckers, and things that go bump in the night. That’s why when the shows Grimm and Dracula started a few weeks ago, I went a little ape-shit. I followed them on twitter. I retweeted some of their tweets. And then this happened. That’s right. Momma got a tweet from Dracula. (sorry so blurry, translation below)

dracula

In case you can’t see it, my nerd ass tweeted, “@NBCGrimm @NBCDracula My two dates for Friday night! #biteme”

(Shut up. I told you I’m a nerd)

And then DRACULA retweeted me and said, “It would be our pleasure.” (to my #biteme)

 *SQUEEEE*

Dracula won tweets. Forever. *sigh*

I’m grateful for trying new things. Last night the hubs and I were out to dinner with good friends at an amazing restaurant (Meddlesome Moth), and Vanessa mentioned she’d had their mussels and we should get them cuz they were SO GOOD. I said I’d never had mussels before in my life. WHAT?! She couldn’t believe it and said I must try them. So I did.

SWEET BABY JESUS. Next thing I knew, I look up and half the mussel shells are on my plate, empty, and I’m .02 seconds from lifting the bowl to my mouth to slurp the last of the juice.

I woke up wanting mussels for breakfast. This is a problem.

I’m grateful for creatives. Last night we were fortunate enough to be invited by friends (same ones from dinner) to an art reception showcasing the works of around 40 artists. As we walked around I was blown away by the amazing art in that building. I loved hearing artists talk about what inspired them to paint certain pieces, or take particular photos, because there’s a history behind every work…a soul behind the canvas, if you will. I adored seeing their eyes light up, and hearing the enthusiasm in their voices as they talked about their passion.

I get them. I understand that feeling of being compelled to create, but at the same time, not really understanding this crazy-imperative urge. And that need for others to love what you do, but more than that…to understand what you do. It was nice to be around my people is what I’m sayin’.

Plus my husband bought me a kick-ass necklace. You know, to support the arts…

I’m grateful for my hysterical children. Okay, maybe they’re more weird than hysterical, but right now, this very second as I type, my youngest is upstairs singing at the top of his lungs, “My penis is beautiful!”

You can’t make this stuff up, people. (what is it with boys and their thingies??? GAH)

Aside from that, they are so witty and crack me up constantly. The other day we’re all four in the car, and the hubs and I are discussing something about the boys when our 9yo interrupts from the backseat, “Uh…you know we can hear you. This is just offensive.”

I’m grateful for the blogging community. I’m seeing a trend that’s enlightened me to some commonalities among bloggers. Most of them are introverts, or at least were as children; have suffered from anxiety, at some form, at some point in their lives; because of an introverted nature, a yearn to connect or have a feeling of solidarity exists; are extremely empathetic; are incredibly supportive and generous; are smart, creative people who, at the very least, love to write; and who are some of the strongest, funniest people I’m honored to call my friends. I don’t think I’ve ever been more pleasantly surprised by anything as I’ve been by bloggers. I learn from and am inspired by them each day, and couldn’t be more proud to be a part of this crazy-wonderful tribe.

I’m grateful I have access for my friend’s memories My memory is fried. Between motherhood and anti-seizure medicine (a.k.a. migraine meds) I’m a zombie –  so when I don’t remember…oh, say…yesterday, I rely on others. This came in handy yesterday when I had no idea what to wear for the aforementioned art reception, and was on the phone with bestie, Robyn, warning her of my impending outfit dilemma and the downward spiral that was sure to follow. The following was our conversation, to the best of my memory:

Robyn: How ’bout a dress? Why don’t you wear a pretty dress?
Me: I don’t own a dress
Robyn: Yes you do. What about that pretty silver one, don’t you have a silvery/grey one?
Me: I’ve never had a silver dress in my life
Robyn: Yes you did. You wore a pretty silvery dress on a date with Jim like a year ago…with red flats.
Me: Red slacks? What are you talking about?
Robyn: Yes, I remember it. Go look in your closet. You wore it with cute little red flats. You sent me a picture of your outfit that night.
Me: Are you saying slacks? Like tights? *walks to closet*
Robyn: No, you idiot. Flats, like shoes. (she’s sweet)
Me: *Lightbulb* OH MY GREY BANANA REPUBLIC DRESS!
Robyn: There she is….

Thank you, Beanie, for your steel trap of a memory, and for staying on the phone with me for 45 minutes while I tried on that dress with two different pair of tights, two different pair of shoes, and choosing the accompanying cardigan, and waiting while I texted you photos of all of them for your approval. Once again, you saved my ass.

I’m grateful for rule breaking. Cuz this is TEN things of thankful, and although I’m thankful for a million things, this post is getting too long so I’m stopping here. LIKE A BOSS. BOOM. EPIC AND SHIT. HOLY SHIT BALLS (<that one was for you, Amanda) and all those other sayings I like.

Ten Things of Thankful

I Wish I Blogged When My Boobs Were Exploding

My first baby was born over nine years ago. I can’t quite believe I just wrote that. Seems like yesterday his tiny, squirmy body was placed in my arms and now he’s almost as tall as me. YOWZA! But aside from the happy memories of bringing a healthy baby home, and the absolute wonder of it all (I fucking did that? I made a human? ME?), you wanna know what I remember from that time?

fear-panic-isolation-anxiety-frustration-angst-depression-anger. all at once.

Why? Because I didn’t know what the hell I was doing and I didn’t have any other friends who’d been through it yet. Oh I had acquaintances, but not close friends. I had books that pretended to prepare me, but not buddies who’d been there. I had no advice, no one making me laugh through the trials of breast feeding, no one telling me to hang in there, it just gets worse the hard part’s almost over. You know what I was missing?

THE BLOGOSPHERE.

I’m new around here, but as I’m reading all these HILARIOUS, AMAZING mommy bloggers I can’t help but feel a little pang of resentment that I didn’t have this resource when I was leaking milk and sneeze-peeing my way through sleepless nights. I would have taken anyone – ANYTHING – if it just felt like solidarity. If it just made me laugh or feel like I wasn’t insane. More than normal, anyway.

I’m reading The Mother Of All Meltdowns right now and OH if I had only had this book then! It’s SO funny! No one asked me to review it, trust me, this is all on me, but reading it is partly what inspired this post so I had to give it its due mention. If you don’t have it yet – do yourself a favor. And then follow all the authors because their blogs are GENIUS.

Okay, so maybe I didn’t have the insight and wisdom of other mommies when I was post-partum, or having to PUMP ALL MY MILK CUZ HE HAD A SUCKING PROBLEM WHAT THE HELL, through the potty training years (which just happened like a week ago BECAUSE I HAVE BOYS AND THEY DON’T CARE IF THEY SIT IN THEIR OWN FECES ALL DAY), or the tantrums, or losing naptime, or….or…breathe Elizabeth, breathe.

I do have it now, though. And now it’s going to help me with my third baby: my novel. They say the Universe has a way of making all things even. I believe that, utterly and completely. The Yin and the Yang. Karma. All that stuff. Balance Baby. Yeah. Can you hear the drums? Can you smell the weed sage? Kumbafrickinya….sing it with me…..

 

How about you? Did/does the bloggy world give you support during challenging times? I LOVE your comments!

Sisterhood of the World Bloggers Award

sisterhood-of-the-world-bloggers-award

*WRITER B IS ME* HAS BEEN NOMINATED FOR AN AWARD!!! The Sisterhood of the World Bloggers Award is passed from Sister-Blogger to Sister-Blogger to recognize blogs whose writing inspires you, and being nominated is a huge honor!

As a very young blog, I can’t help but be overwhelmed with gratitude for this lovely gesture. On my recent post, Hold My Hand Until I Can Fake It, Please, this is exactly the kind of fellow comrade support I was referring to.

There are a few rules that go along with receiving this award. I’ve seen different versions, but I’ve chosen to follow those my nominator used:

1. You have to thank the person that nominated you. (no problem there!)

2. You have to include the award logo on your site. (done and done)

3. You have to name 7 things no one knows about you. (ruh roh)

4. You have to nominate 7 other blogs who inspire you and let them know they’ve been nominated. (Only seven? Okay! Can’t wait!)

LET’S GET THIS PARTY STARTED!!

I don’t think I could say enough about the Sisters-O-Mine that nominated me for this award! They are the Dynamic Duo, Inion N. Mathair, the mother and daughter team like no other. Our blogs united one foggy night and it was kismet! They adopted me as a Sis and have been cheerleaders for my writing and blog ever since. Who does that? Inion N. Mathair do, that’s who. They are givers. And not only that, they are brilliant writers. I happen to know that for a fact because I’m reading their book, The Perfect 7, right now and I can’t put it down! If you haven’t been to their beautiful blog, check it out ASAP!

Now for 7 things about me you probably don’t know unless you’re a stalker:

1. I once took it upon myself to taste and review every Ben & Jerry’s ice cream flavor in my quest for a favorite. The hubs and I would each get a new pint every Saturday night and try each other’s. This spanned several months. The result? Five pounds and chin acne. No, that’s not my favorite flavor. That would be disgusting (what would be in it?) That’s what happens when you consume a pint/week for months. The winner? I don’t even remember. Something with the word Marzipan in it maybe? I probably ate the container.

2. For a very large chunk of my life, I was that crazy cat lady. No, really. In my early twenties I had eight cats. Now, you might be thinking….ew, but please know I was young, and naïve, and just trying to save the world one stray kitty at a time. And I took care of those eight cats (without acquiring any more, might I add, cuz I got a clue) for close to twenty years, until the last one passed away. I miss their purrs and little wet noses, but I don’t miss the litter boxes.

3. I can make the veins in my right hand wiggle like snakes. If this writing thing doesn’t pan out, I’m going to the circus with that little nugget.

4. If I could travel to any destination in the world, I’d go to Greece. I want to visit the ruins, the beaches, the islands…all of it.

5. My death row last meal would be Ethiopian food. If you haven’t tried it, do so immediately. My favorite dishes are the vegetarian ones, but everything is good. And, you don’t use silverware! Bonus! My death row music (do they let you do that? they totally should) would be Blues. Probably John Lee Hooker. Or Buddy Guy. Or maybe I would just rock it out to some Florence and the Machine. I mean, it’s my LAST DAY ON EARTH! I WANNA YELL AND STUFF! I love her.

6. I have a terrible habit of falling asleep at the park. While my kids are there. It’s just so hot….and I’m so tired….if I just lay my head on this picnic table for a second….YAWN.  “Mommy?!”  *jerks head up*  *wipes drool from chin*

7. The kiddos and I listen to music in the car all the time. Once, on a whim, while listening to Maroon 5, I told them Adam Levine was once my boyfriend and had asked me to marry him. Their reactions were so awesome, I couldn’t resist but continue: I went on to say that I had to choose between Adam and their daddy, and chose their daddy cuz, when it came right down to it, I knew he’d tolerate cellulite be a better husband and father. They totally bought it. I tried to kinda smile so they’d know I was kidding – but it flew right over their radars. There are currently 7,109,441,475 people on planet Earth and two of them believe with all their sweet little hearts that Adam Levine would actually take me for his wife. THAT’S GOLD PEOPLE. I’m not sayin’ a word.

Now on to the nominees for the Sisterhood of the World Bloggers Award! My criteria for choosing was simple:  BLOGS I LOVE! I love to laugh, HARD, at stripped-to-the-bone honesty, and I’m also totally inspired by creative, unique  blogs that support other bloggers. So without further ado, and in no particular order:

1. Shitastrophy. Her name is Alyson and she is the funny lady behind this hysterical blog. I watch for her tweets, FB updates, and new posts like a crack addict. There are few people that make me laugh like her, in fact, I can count them on one hand! Her category titles alone will make you spew Diet Coke out your nose! She often guest hosts other bloggers so she’s an awesome Sister-blogger too. Her shit is SO funny, a compilation book is even in the works! I would buy that in a NY minute, Alyson!

2. Baking in a tornado. Karen has done an incredible thing: not only has she created an amazing blog for blogs like mine to aspire to, but she incorporates recipes at the end of each post! She’s also is a MAJOR Sister-blogger, guest hosting other bloggers, yes, but also with her FLY ON THE WALL, and SECRET SUBJECT SWAP writing prompts that engage and encourage bloggers to write, share, and network. THAT’S AWESOME! And a ton of fun! She is sweet, and supportive, and I truly admire her!

3. When Crazy Meets Exhaustion. Stephanie is the zany, hilarious gal behind this hugely successful blog that makes me genuinely LOL all the time. I adore that her “Hiya” is in honor of her Grandmother, and I instantly respect anyone who idolizes the genius Tina Fey! You can just tell this chic would be a blast to hang out with and I can’t get enough of her! Another honest, funny, smart woman. I love it! Must check out her Oversharing page!

4.  Leigh Bones: you can’t hide crazy. Remember how I said I can count on one hand people that make me laugh REAL hard? Leigh is one of them! You want honest? Leigh is h-o-n-e-s-t! And, oh God, she’s so funny and I can’t stand it. If you haven’t visited her site, do yourself a favor, and while you’re there look for her recent post, Labia Lipstick. Not only will you laugh your ass off, you’ll also obsess over what your shade is! Don’t act like you won’t. You will. Did I mention she’s training for a MARATHON? She is. For real. And she’s posting about the whole journey.

5. elleroy was here: funny with a soundtrack.  Linda’s blog is a blast to follow! Not only is she a no-holds-barred writer, but also a photographer, a talented musician, a mom of two boys, and funny as hell! This woman oozes creativity, right down to her Saturday cocktails! I think she might win for coolest looking blog too – LOVE the guitar header! She is definitely a blog I look up to. If you haven’t checked her out, RUN, do not walk. Oh, and if you hate Mondays…you just found your tribe.

6. Is your Father home yet? Oh Mandi, you gave with out taking….I bet you’ve heard that a million times. Sorry for the Manilow reference.  Mandi’s blog is pure greatness. I instantly loved her because of how much I related to her posts, and of course, how much she made me laugh. Check her out. Right now. And when you go, don’t miss her post, Attack of the Asshole Monkey. (and I thought it was funny that my dad had a giant iguana living in his kitchen that hissed at us. It is, but her monkey story is WAY funnier!)

7. The Redneck Princess. I’m truly inspired by Donna’s blog. Just her page categories are impressive: My Photography, Recipes, Beauty, Crafts, The Poet in Me, Tutorials, Give-a-ways, Gardening, and Do it Yourself! WHAT. It’s true. And her posts are honest, sometimes tender, and always funny. AND, she was one of the first people to hop over to my baby blog and like several of my posts. THAT’S A SISTER BLOGGER. So, of course, she owns me, heart and soul. 🙂

Now, I know that’s my 7, but I’m going to do a quick, honorary shout-out to three ladies whose blogs I’m obsessed with. It might be breaking the rules, but I’m blonde so I can just act confused. Had I been able to include these gals on my list I would have, but they were just honored with the award, like, last freaking week so I can’t! But I want them to know how in awe I am of their blogs and writing, and how grateful I am for their *SUPPORT*! 1. Jennifer M. Zeiger 2. Jay C. Wolfe 3. Lafemmeroar

Okay, Sister Bloggers-O-Mine, CONGRATULATIONS on your award! You all deserve it! High Five each other and celebrate! In other words, BREAK OUT THE WINE! And thank you all for inspiring me and making me laugh every day! 🙂

Hold My Hand Until I Can Fake It, Please.

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There was a time in my not-so-long-ago past when I wept without shame on an airplane, terrified to the point that a stranger (bless her heart, I’m so grateful to her to this day!) held my hand across the aisle to comfort me until we began to descend and I calmed down. Was this a horrifically turbulent flight across the Atlantic? Hardly. It was 45 minutes from Austin to Dallas. No bumps. It might have been cloudy, which probably hurled me into the panic attack in the first place. And I was on Xanax, people.

I’ve come a long way. If that same woman saw me now, she would beam with pride. Hey, I’ve flown to Hawaii since then – sans Xanax! Yes, I was nervous, but I acted like I wasn’t. That’s the key. You just have to fake yourself out – tell yourself you are a pro. Put your head up and walk right in there like you’ve done it a million times. Eliminate any doubts that pop up immediately – SQAUSH! Because you don’t have doubts, you’re a PRO. Stewardess, can I have a pillow? Me sleepy – YAWN.

My point is, sometimes I require hand holding.

Which brings me to the now. I have a finished novel. For two years it’s been my WIP, and now WTF? I’ll tell you WTF. An OCEAN of information. An ocean in which I am a drop of water. The good news? I have found writers to be the most generous and supportive people on the planet, and I’m not just sayin’ that. I have connected with dozens of dynamic, talented, brave, amazing writers who are now my lighthouses. And they just keep comin’. I’m beyond grateful.

After two years of researching the subject, I’ve decided to self-publish. It’s A LOT of work (no matter which publishing route you take) but I’m determined to put the best possible product out there. I want it to be a labor of love, a collaborative effort with a team of people to help me with the stuff I can’t do (professionally edit, cover design, etc.) and I have a lot to learn along the way. But I have a plan…

BABY STEPS.

If I look at the big picture I’ll end up on the floor in the fetal position hyperventilating in a puddle of my own drool. So I’ll take one step at a time. Right now I’m revising and shopping editors. That’s IT. I’m not allowed to think about anything beyond that. I can read about the beyond all I want; I can flag links about formatting, or cover design, or whatever… but I can’t DO. I won’t dilute the quality of what I’m doing now with stress about the future.

I’m going to stick my head up and walk right into this process, baby step by baby step, and if I get confused or overwhelmed – and I will – I know I have an incredible community around me to light the way, or maybe even hold my hand for a little while.