TToT

Take a ride on my crazy train

THREE MOST MIND-BLOGGING THINGS ABOUT 2014:

My post about mental illness was Freshly Pressed. Me. Freshly Pressed. That’s INSANEAMAZINGCRAZYBEAUTIFUL. I’m very proud of that post, not only because it spread awareness about mental illness from a unique perspective, but I met (and hopefully helped in some way) so many incredible people who either suffer with mental illness themselves, or have a family member or friend who does. It opened a dialogue I didn’t know I needed.

The Bloggess commented on my post about G-Spot shots. That’s right. I talked vaginas…and THE MUTHERF#$@ING BLOGGESS CAME TO MAH PARTY. I should change my tagline to “Jenny Lawson Was Here” because that’s all you need to know anymore.

(more…)

I SMELL CAKE!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY to the most supportive hop EVAH: Ten Things of Thankful!

Without further ado, here are my thankfuls for this week…

1. This HOP. Duh. And the fact that it made it to the ripe, still-sexy age of 50! WOOOP! I’m so grateful for this community of incredible people!

2. The ability to muster strength and courage this week, which was only possible with the tiny shred of confidence I’ve managed to build over the past few months. I realize this is vague, but just know I had reason to feel ten feet tall. I conquered something. Something that has conquered me in the past. For now, I rule the kingdom. LIKE A BOSS.

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I’ll Show You My Room If You Show Me Yours

A few things that blew my mind this week

I read a post on Jennie Saia’s blog last night that excited me. The Room Of My Heart, as inspired by her friend, which has inspired others to make their own. You basically envision and design the room of your heart, so you always have a stress-free, safe place to be whenever you need it. Here is mine, and I would LOVE if you created your own and told me about it.

 

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“Crap It”, And Other Profound Thoughts

The most unexpected part of being a grownup is….

Things like this still happen to me:

After all these years, I’m still the dingy blonde I was in my youth. Naively positive. Mostly oblivious. Probably shouldn’t be allowed to drive a motorized vehicle. But I’m entertaining, so there’s that. *sigh* (more…)

Rock Star Moments, Hockey, And Lingerie. Not All At Once. Maybe.

First, a valentine for all my friends who read and support me.
And this time, I didn’t forget the men.

Press here if you like hot, sinewy, half naked men.

Press here if you like sexy chickadees. (this is a new, ever-evolving board. I’ll happily take direction/suggestions on who to have on it, guys!)

Back yet? Good. I’m glad I have your attention because this post is chock-full. I’m not stopping at ten. Hang onto your seats… (more…)

I’m Down, But Not Out

*the views expressed in the beginning of this post are not necessarily the views of the blog owner. In fact, the blog owner is a little pissed about it, but HAD to let this part be written. Or Else. Capeesh?

You ever have one of those days where you just wake up feeling like a failure…at everything?

Consistently exercising – FAIL
Being a good daughter – FAIL
Being a good enough Mom – FAIL
Being a good enough wife – FAIL
Being a good enough friend – FAIL
Being a writer – FAIL
Being a good blogger – FAIL
Flossing enough – FAIL (okay, I’m being funny here, but it’s TRUE)
CONSISTENT IN ANYTHING – FAIL
Actually, I’m pretty damn consistent in failing, which would be a win if it wasn’t FAILING.

I’ve got the blues.

FAIL

Thank you for your time, I’m done now.

*******

OKAY BETH IS BACK. Thanks for indulging Negative Nelly. She has to be let out from time to time. I mean, she’s part of me so I’m forced to acknowledge her feelings. Probably. Whatever.

BUT

I’m gonna to turn that frown upside down

Welcome to the:

*Scraping myself up off the floor edition of TToT*

I hurt my back again. I’m not sure what I did, but I’m grateful. This back pain reminds me that I’m not being active enough. My muscles are no longer strong. It’s been a wake up call.

This happened over the weekend to our kitchen floor:

floor

We’re assuming it’s foundation problems, although we won’t know anything for sure until we have it looked at by professionals. We were pretty freaked, but then reminded ourselves: Our kids are healthy, and we are still IN our home and have our keepsakes and possessions, unlike tornado or flood victims. If all we have to worry about is how this might inconvenience us or what it might cost us, we don’t have problems.

It’s been over a month since I quit my daily migraine medication. NO MIGRAINES!! Well, there was that one six days in, but I’m not even counting that. I can stay off my meds! YIPPEEE!

Veganism has taught me to love cooking again. In the past I was not inspired to cook. Handling raw meat grosses me out (well, there’s some meat handling I enjoy…wink, wink), not to mention that most meat-meals are not my favorite. But now I’m loving exploring new spices and new recipes. I find myself skimming cookbooks, dog-earing new ones to try, and sometimes even cooking just for fun and freezing it for another day!  WHAT? I know!

I’m thankful for a warm day amidst a cold winter. The better part of this past week was FAHreezing, but this weekend was really nice. I walked the dog today and let the sun warm my shoulders. It was sort of magical.

I’ve learned some things about myself recently, which is good, because if you don’t realize your flaws they continue to be flaws. I’m a perfectionist who gets discouraged very easily. I hold my own standards (no one else’s) impossibly high, and then crash with disappointment when I don’t meet them, inevitably giving up, or not trying to begin with. I have beliefs about myself that are wrong, and they continue to road-block me from success because I believe them. I am terrible about comparing myself to others in every aspect imaginable, and then beating myself up for not being good enough.

If you have a day/week/month where you are at the bottom of the bottom…you only have up to go. Failures are there to learn from and improve upon. Negative beliefs are there to disprove. Flaws are there to make us human, empathetic, and dynamic. Bad things make us appreciate the good.

I’m grateful even when I’m blue, because at least I’m here, feeling things. I have the luxury of getting back up, dusting myself off, learning from it, and moving on.

And plus, how can I be sad when Downtown Abby comes on tonight??? RIGHT!?

Things are looking up.

Ten Things of Thankful

Do you ever get the blues? Do you ever feel like a giant failure in life? Do you compare yourself to others to your own detriment? Please tell me this doesn’t just happen to me!

Bucket List And The Butt Dance

I want to talk about money.

Specifically what I would do with a butt-load of it.

What would I do with a million dollars? I would do frickin’ everything! Including check off my entire bucket list, which would be easy cuz it’s very short. I just started it, don’t judge.

Beth’s Bucket List (in no particular order):

1. Travel overseas. Specifically the U.K., Greece, and Italy.

2. Attend a Winter Hockey Classic game.

3. Live in a tree house. (shut up)

aaaaaand that’s all I have so far.

Now what else would I do with all that cash? Aside from paying for my kids’ college, and helping my parents, and yeah yeah give money to a charity or two (The Painted Turtle and The Elephant Sanctuary)….

I WOULD:

Travel.

Move to Durango, Colorado. Have a kick-ass tree house built for us to live in.

Buy my husband his dream bike, and a bike shop where he could build/fix bikes for the rest of his days.

Hire a personal trainer to make me get my ass in shape. I need accountability, apparently.

Since I gave a butt-load of money to The Elephant Sanctuary, they’d let me live on the grounds a few weeks out of every year and help take care of the elephants. Yippeeeee! This has nothing to do with spending mula. It’s a realization I just had, and  I’m very excited about it.

Work as a writer the rest of my days.

Until I have this money, however, I will tell you what I’m thankful for right now.

1. The WaxVAc. Because the commercial is so damn ridiculous it always makes me laugh. And the concept is so disgusting it’s brillz. Who thought of a tiny earwax vacuum? I want to meet this person.

2. Almond milk ice-cream. Thank god for it or I don’t think I could do this vegan thing.

3. Yoga pants. (see #2)

4. My IRL friends. I have a tight little group, and sometimes I don’t know how I’d exist without them.

5. Kittens. That aren’t mine, but that I can play with for hours and then leave and not deal with a litter box or piss on my bathmat. Because kittens.

6. The butt dance. My sons do this hilarious dance that makes me laugh no matter how irritated I might be.

7. Smut. That’s right. smut. My love for all naughty things, and the fact that my friends are 1) aware of my need for smut, and 2) just as pervy as me. I got a very special text photo from my friend, Mandi. it was so good I had to sit down a minute. Then Leigh sent me a delicious meme on Facebook. Thanks, ladies. Just when I think my Pinterest board is getting old hat, I have my friends supplementing my need for half-naked hotties.

8. HOLY SHIT I MIGHT ACTUALLY MAKE IT TO TEN THIS TIME! (this counts as one, ya-huh!)

9. Chelsea Handler.

10. Those little dog poop bags. This needs no explanation.

**This was a combined post for FTSF whose prompt was If I had a million dollars, I would… hosted by the amazing Mommy, for Real, Janine’s Confessions of a Mommyaholic, Finding Ninee, and Canigetanotherbottleofwhine

And Ten Things of Thankful, hosted by the incredible A Fly on our (Chicken Coop) Wall, Considerings, Finding Ninee, Getting Literal, Home On Deranged, I can say mama, I Want Backsies, Rewritten,  Thankful Me,  The Wakefield Doctrine    Want to join the fun? You should! Go to any host’s blog and link up! TToT goes live Friday night (I’m early). FTSF is live NOW!

Ten Things of Thankful
Finish the Sentence Friday
What would you do with a million dollars? Do you have a bucket list? I LOVE YOUR COMMENTS!!

I’m Aggressively Competitive. But Also Covered In Glitter. So There’s That.

*TToT BECAUSE I’M COMPETITIVE*

Dyanne is tweeting shit already about winning this thing, so now I have to “do stuff” and “make an effort”. GAH. If YOU want your chance to actually WIN something, an actual concrete, tangible gift sent from English England by Lizzi herself, press THIS and enter the contest.

But SUCKIT cuz I’m winning that shiny package!

I knew ALL the answers! maybe.

I never get computer time on the weekends, but everyone is out of the house for like ten minutes so I got lucky! I’ve got to do this quick – like quickie style!

I’m thankful for:

* This week was my Birfday and I’m grateful for my family who goes so far out of their way to make me feel like the most special person in the world. I got coffee in bed, flowers, cake, dinner, hugs, cards, phonecalls, texts, e-cards, emails, and thoughtful gifts. I didn’t even announce it was my birthday in the blogosphere except in one location for a specific reason, but word got out and then I received a ton of SWEET WONDERFUL birthday wishes from my bloggy family too, which absolutely melted my heart and put a cherry on my sundae. I even got this handmade card from Lizzi on Facebook! I couldn’t stop smiling.

lizzis card

* ICE ICE BABY! No, not the rap song. Although I hear Vanilla Ice can re-do a house like a mofo. Real ice! We have cold weather and the kids got a snow day! I know this is usually a terrible thing with the roads being dangerous, travel plans being ruined, power outages and the like. And those things are AWFUL, but I’m talking about the sledding my kids have been doing for two days. They are so damn HAPPY and CUTE all bundled up with rosy cheeks and smiley faces. We are blessed to be in a warm, safe home. I’m so very thankful for that.

*GLITTER! And the English bloggy friends that come with it. I got a beautiful, sparkly card in the mail yesterday, but didn’t see it till this morning. As soon as I eyed some glitter my gut yelled, “Get that over the sink – it’s from LIZZI!!!” Thank goodness I listened as it exploded with bits of confetti stars and glittery goodness! A handmade Lizzi card filled with funny Christmas wishes (that only she and I could understand, of course!) for me and my family.   She.Won. Mail. Forever.

*Keurig coffee makers. Because they also make hot chocolate cups, and this is infinitely easier to make for the increasing number of children that have come in/out of my house since the ice storm hit. I happen to be “that” house on our block. You know, the one where ALL the kids end up, which I adore, but I also need to be ready with snacks and drinks when they come in thirsty and hungry! It takes forever to heat up four + hot chocolates (with marshmallows of course) in the microwave! Thank you Keurig for making my life so much easier!

*Birthday money. Cuz momma needed new running shoes. Cuz life is full of 2nd, 3rd, and 4th chances, which I’m also thankful for (hey, this one counts as two!) And maybe I will need those runnin’ shoes soon. *Chants: I will get outta this funk, I will get outta this funk*

*Wine

*Wine

*Wine (shut up. I’m really thankful for wine)

*Movies and Books. Because I love to escape. I love stories. Did I ever tell you all that I thought of that as a name for a kid – “Story”? I remember telling my husband I thought it would be the coolest name, maybe for a girl. I was afraid it was too feminine to be a boy’s name. THEN, Jenna Elfman (Dharma of Dharma and Greg) named her son Story like 2 years later! I know! I’m so money and I don’t even know it!

That’s it peeps! If you wanna be part of THE MOST supportive and fun blog community, RUN to link up with Ten Thing of Thankful!! RIGHT HERE. You will never, ever regret it!

Ten Things of Thankful

That’s What She Said Last Night

HAPPY 25th ANNIVERSARY TToT!

I’m pretty sure Lizzi hinted something to the effect of naked people and a cake?! Well, that’s what I heard so that’s what I’m goin’ with. I had better see some nudity, preferably in the form of a hot man. I call licking the spoon!

Ten Things of Thankful

Uhhh, I see cupcakes, but no hottie. WTF? I guess I have to take matters into my own hands, AS USUAL. Please take the time to peruse the at least 15 extra special cakey new additions to my *special* Pinterest board. It was tough research, but I think you’ll appreciate the outcome. Enjoy. I know Lizzi will.

ANYway, I have plenty to be thankful for, but am also a bit panicked because as I’m typing it’ll be just *looks at watch* four hours before my two boys will be home from school for the next nine days. NINE DAYS. This is something to be grateful for. Probably. And I am. A little. But part of me is also squinching (that’s a word, autocorrect!) because of all the writing still on my plate that I’m clearly not going to finish this month as I’d hoped. I sort of forgot about that whole nine days I’m home with the kids right after five days with my family. So I’m taking the pressure off myself *lifts off and throws*. I’ll finish when I finish. *sticks tongue out at no one in particular*

Now on to some fun stuff, you know, since I have no more pressure on me. Yippeeee!

I’m thankful the pressure to finish all my editing this month is gone. Thank you, Beth! Oh, no problem! You’re so welcome! You’re the best! No, you are. No YOU are. Stop! You stop!

I’m thankful for birthdays, namely my good friend, Kathy’s, because she always chooses our favorite Ethiopian restaurant, Queen of Sheba, to have her birthday meal, and it’s always the best day ever. The aromas…the tastes….the whole experience is transcendent. Happy Birthday, Kathy! I had SO much fun. See you in a few weeks for mine. Guess where we’re goin? My mouth is watering already. yebeg

I’m thankful that my almost-fiancé-sextape-partner Adam Levine was chosen sexiest man alive by People magazine! Wooop! Good job, sugar-buns! Way to work it!

adam levine photo: adam-levine- adam-levine--1.jpg

….and thankful/tickled that people went out of their way to text and call me, alerting me of the above news. The fact that others associate me with him is the most fun thing EVAH. My work is done. Now if I can just get him to do it….*taps finger on chin deviously*

I’m am infinitely thankful for maid services. I don’t use them on a regular basis, but every so often I have a full cleaning done…and ermergahrd…I have two boys who keep me picking up after them constantly….to come home to this e-n-t-I-r-e house immaculate….all at once…I have three words for you: better than sex.

I’m so very grateful for Movember, because beards. BEARDS. Facial hair is sexy as hell. Doesn’t have to be full beards, in fact, I prefer goatees, scruff, shadows…ohemgee…hot. This is my favorite time of year. The hubs is looking scrumptious.

I’m grateful for the weather, and this will count for two thankfuls:

a) for bringing cold weather so I can live in beanie hats for the next three months.

b) for bringing “fronts” and “pressure systems” and “drama weather” so I can finally win the weatherman argument with my husband! Our one biggest, never ending disagreement is over meteorology. He thinks weatherman are as full of shit as palm readers (hey – I love me a palm reader!) and I happen to respect the profession. I mean, it’s based on science, people. SCIENCE. I digress…

weather-reporter-21902681

Watching the weather at our house is down right comical because I staunchly defend them while he’s busting out an exaggerated forecaster impersonation, which is actually funny so I try desperately not to laugh. Jim knows, he KNOWS, they are right more often than not, he just won’t admit it. This Winter I’m making a graph…I’ll show him….muwahahah. Last night they predicted a strong front bringing cold and rain. IT HAPPENED.

Weatherman – 1, Jim – bigfatzero.   SUCKIT

I’m thankful for last minute babysitters! We’re going to the movies – WOOP! I think we’re seeing…..oh, who am I kidding. I don’t even know. I’m in it for the popcorn….

pop

Yes. That’s a stein of wine.

(We saw “The Armstrong Lie”. It was pretty interesting. But I drank a freakin’ gallon of wine. The Smurfs would’ve been interesting.)

And that’s ten! No no no, don’t go back and count….it’s ten. Shhh. shhhh *pets your hair* Now go on to comments and tell me what you’re thankful for, or join up with the TToT group yourself! Do you trust weatherman? Come on, pick a side! Are you on Team Beth or Team Loser Jim? I heart your comments BIG!

And Then Dracula Tweeted Me. The End.

*TToT LIKE A MOFO*

*WELCOME*

I’m thankful Dracula sees the value in social media. I’ve mentioned before I love monsters, bloodsuckers, and things that go bump in the night. That’s why when the shows Grimm and Dracula started a few weeks ago, I went a little ape-shit. I followed them on twitter. I retweeted some of their tweets. And then this happened. That’s right. Momma got a tweet from Dracula. (sorry so blurry, translation below)

dracula

In case you can’t see it, my nerd ass tweeted, “@NBCGrimm @NBCDracula My two dates for Friday night! #biteme”

(Shut up. I told you I’m a nerd)

And then DRACULA retweeted me and said, “It would be our pleasure.” (to my #biteme)

 *SQUEEEE*

Dracula won tweets. Forever. *sigh*

I’m grateful for trying new things. Last night the hubs and I were out to dinner with good friends at an amazing restaurant (Meddlesome Moth), and Vanessa mentioned she’d had their mussels and we should get them cuz they were SO GOOD. I said I’d never had mussels before in my life. WHAT?! She couldn’t believe it and said I must try them. So I did.

SWEET BABY JESUS. Next thing I knew, I look up and half the mussel shells are on my plate, empty, and I’m .02 seconds from lifting the bowl to my mouth to slurp the last of the juice.

I woke up wanting mussels for breakfast. This is a problem.

I’m grateful for creatives. Last night we were fortunate enough to be invited by friends (same ones from dinner) to an art reception showcasing the works of around 40 artists. As we walked around I was blown away by the amazing art in that building. I loved hearing artists talk about what inspired them to paint certain pieces, or take particular photos, because there’s a history behind every work…a soul behind the canvas, if you will. I adored seeing their eyes light up, and hearing the enthusiasm in their voices as they talked about their passion.

I get them. I understand that feeling of being compelled to create, but at the same time, not really understanding this crazy-imperative urge. And that need for others to love what you do, but more than that…to understand what you do. It was nice to be around my people is what I’m sayin’.

Plus my husband bought me a kick-ass necklace. You know, to support the arts…

I’m grateful for my hysterical children. Okay, maybe they’re more weird than hysterical, but right now, this very second as I type, my youngest is upstairs singing at the top of his lungs, “My penis is beautiful!”

You can’t make this stuff up, people. (what is it with boys and their thingies??? GAH)

Aside from that, they are so witty and crack me up constantly. The other day we’re all four in the car, and the hubs and I are discussing something about the boys when our 9yo interrupts from the backseat, “Uh…you know we can hear you. This is just offensive.”

I’m grateful for the blogging community. I’m seeing a trend that’s enlightened me to some commonalities among bloggers. Most of them are introverts, or at least were as children; have suffered from anxiety, at some form, at some point in their lives; because of an introverted nature, a yearn to connect or have a feeling of solidarity exists; are extremely empathetic; are incredibly supportive and generous; are smart, creative people who, at the very least, love to write; and who are some of the strongest, funniest people I’m honored to call my friends. I don’t think I’ve ever been more pleasantly surprised by anything as I’ve been by bloggers. I learn from and am inspired by them each day, and couldn’t be more proud to be a part of this crazy-wonderful tribe.

I’m grateful I have access for my friend’s memories My memory is fried. Between motherhood and anti-seizure medicine (a.k.a. migraine meds) I’m a zombie –  so when I don’t remember…oh, say…yesterday, I rely on others. This came in handy yesterday when I had no idea what to wear for the aforementioned art reception, and was on the phone with bestie, Robyn, warning her of my impending outfit dilemma and the downward spiral that was sure to follow. The following was our conversation, to the best of my memory:

Robyn: How ’bout a dress? Why don’t you wear a pretty dress?
Me: I don’t own a dress
Robyn: Yes you do. What about that pretty silver one, don’t you have a silvery/grey one?
Me: I’ve never had a silver dress in my life
Robyn: Yes you did. You wore a pretty silvery dress on a date with Jim like a year ago…with red flats.
Me: Red slacks? What are you talking about?
Robyn: Yes, I remember it. Go look in your closet. You wore it with cute little red flats. You sent me a picture of your outfit that night.
Me: Are you saying slacks? Like tights? *walks to closet*
Robyn: No, you idiot. Flats, like shoes. (she’s sweet)
Me: *Lightbulb* OH MY GREY BANANA REPUBLIC DRESS!
Robyn: There she is….

Thank you, Beanie, for your steel trap of a memory, and for staying on the phone with me for 45 minutes while I tried on that dress with two different pair of tights, two different pair of shoes, and choosing the accompanying cardigan, and waiting while I texted you photos of all of them for your approval. Once again, you saved my ass.

I’m grateful for rule breaking. Cuz this is TEN things of thankful, and although I’m thankful for a million things, this post is getting too long so I’m stopping here. LIKE A BOSS. BOOM. EPIC AND SHIT. HOLY SHIT BALLS (<that one was for you, Amanda) and all those other sayings I like.

Ten Things of Thankful