Pass The Effins, Please.

Abundance

Thanksgiving is the perfect occasion for ushering in the holiday season; it’s a time for stories, projects, cooking and sharing. That’s exactly what this post is about. I’ve linked up with 5 other bloggers, each sharing a piece of what the season has to offer. We have humor, thought, family projects and food.

I hope you’ll click on all the links below to see what we’ve put together for you:

Home on Deranged has a family post about the first and last Thanksgiving spent with mom.
Kiss My List is sharing a simple but meaningful family craft project that does double duty as Thanksgiving decor.
The Rowdy Baker  has posted a recipe for an Iced Pumpkin Roll with Butterscotch Cream Filling.
PinkWhen  shares a project you can display for Thanksgiving dinner and guests.
Baking In A Tornado will share a recipe for that leftover turkey.

Me? Well, I have a humorous story (surprised?) about what happens when someone is pushed just one step too far.

Living several hours away from the majority of my extended family, often the only time I see them is on the holidays. So it’s odd that when I think of Thanksgiving, my first thought isn’t so much warm/fuzzy family nostalgia, or the amazing food, but more like when you reminisce episodes of your favorite comedy series, because the laughter is what I remember and what I look forward to most. As I’ve posted about them in the past, they are a lively crew with, shall we say, eclectic personalities.

There are too many stories to recount in just one post…like the time my one cousin walked into the glass patio door holding a full plate of food…or how Aunt Jane will inevitably show up behind you with a vegetable hanging out of her nose….or how my brother, who’s notoriously either late or a no-show for every event, will make my mother a nervous wreck until the very last minute, but then stroll in, sometimes even mid-meal, and my mom will be so happy he showed she’ll practically throw a parade for him – and I’m all, hey, where’s my frickin’ confetti? I drove 5 hours to get here with two kids and I was on time….ahem, I digress…

But there is one story that stands out above ’em all and continues to sort of define the holidays with our crew. The story of how mashed potatoes became known as the “effins”.

Approximately fifteen years ago, “the hens” – as I refer to the ladies who plan everything – were divvying up cooking duties, making lists, and getting organized for the upcoming holiday. I’m constantly blown away with the amount of preparation a Thanksgiving meal requires. Thankfully, I’m still given jobs like: bring wine and canned cranberries. Sometimes it pays to suck in the kitchen.

Anyway, as usual, Aunt Anne (of Superhero Otter fame) was given the job of making mashed potatoes, because, well, that’s her thing. She rocks mashed potatoes. What nobody realized was, she didn’t really plan on it being her thing. In fact, she aspired to contribute casseroles and desserts, yet was always assigned mashed potatoes. That particular year, she’d had enough and protested. After a few go ’rounds between the four sisters, where they continued to insist she make them because she did it best, this happened:

Aunt Anne: Fine! I’ll make the fucking mashed potatoes!

Initial stunned silence was quickly replaced with hysterical laughter. Although her outburst didn’t result in alternate meal assignments, it did birth a new family joke: mashed potatoes have never been referred to as such again. Instead, they became the f#*%ing mashed potatoes. Of course, to negate the necessity of repeating the F-word, they altered it to “effing mashed potatoes”…and now simply, the effins. For years since, Aunt Anne has received antique potato mashers for Christmas, lest she forget her special kitchen calling. I’m sure she burns treasures every one of them.

See you in a few weeks, my crazy-wonderful tribe. Aunt Anne, make plenty of effins. I’ll be having two helpings, as usual, because you know yours are the best.

tday

I Get What Your Throwin’ Down, Kindle. Loud And Clear.

A sizzling romance is unfolding right before our eyes.

Perhaps the most evocotive app of all time was recently introduced by Kindle, but they’re not touting it as anything other than helpful. No-o-o. The makers of Kindle are being giant teases. They’re baiting us. Flirting. Easing us in with a sweet little story. Before you even know what’s hit you, the new Kindle will be on your wish list, and you won’t even really know why.

MAYDAY IS WHY

Have you seen their new ad campaign? See for yourself and we’ll discuss:

Okay, so let’s talk. The guy is adorable and dresses nice. His house is bad-ass and unbelievably impeccable. The cleanliness suggests a wife (you know I’m right), yet there’s not a single sign he’s married in sight. Go back and watch it. No sign of family. No toys on the floor, no family portraits, no bra hanging on the doorknob purse on the counter. There’s a guitar mounted in the family room – he plays guitar – hot. A big-ole-doggie sits on the other side of the coffee table. Nice. A dog guy. And did you notice the sexual tension between him and “Amy”? Yeah. Guess how many times he’s gonna need the Mayday button later that night…..

If you had any doubt whether he’s single or if they were really flirting….they’ve come out with a second and third commercial (FF through the first one):

Still no kids or wifey! He does, however, have a niece, and shows Amy her photo….total chic bait! Between the dog, the guitar, and the cute niece, Amy doesn’t stand a chance. Did you see her get all giggly?! Hell, she would have done the hair flip if it wasn’t plastered to her head. Oh, and I don’t buy for a second that she can’t see him. They are soooo gonna DO IT.

I went on a couple of websites to research the new Kindle and I was tantalized by the descriptions. It’s described as coming in either 7″ or 8.9″  depending which model you choose, sheathed in sleek magnesium alloy. Powerful operation system (are they selling a Kindle or the Rabbit?). The Mayday app allows users to seek advice about their device, and operators can even take control of your device from afar (me likey).

I don’t know about you, but I’m wondering two things: 1) what happens when I press the Mayday button? Will I get a hot guy? Because if I don’t, the disappointment will be palpable, and 2) I can’t wait for the next installment of “50 Shades of Kindle” because it’s all sweet and innocent now, but I feel like that cutie with the guitar has a naughty side…

man with whip photo: whip man whipman.jpg

Do you currently own a Kindle of any model? Have you ever felt the need for live help? Would you use a live help if you had it? Let’s get a conversation going –  I’m dying to hear from you!

I Don't Like Mondays Blog Hop

And Then Dracula Tweeted Me. The End.

*TToT LIKE A MOFO*

*WELCOME*

I’m thankful Dracula sees the value in social media. I’ve mentioned before I love monsters, bloodsuckers, and things that go bump in the night. That’s why when the shows Grimm and Dracula started a few weeks ago, I went a little ape-shit. I followed them on twitter. I retweeted some of their tweets. And then this happened. That’s right. Momma got a tweet from Dracula. (sorry so blurry, translation below)

dracula

In case you can’t see it, my nerd ass tweeted, “@NBCGrimm @NBCDracula My two dates for Friday night! #biteme”

(Shut up. I told you I’m a nerd)

And then DRACULA retweeted me and said, “It would be our pleasure.” (to my #biteme)

 *SQUEEEE*

Dracula won tweets. Forever. *sigh*

I’m grateful for trying new things. Last night the hubs and I were out to dinner with good friends at an amazing restaurant (Meddlesome Moth), and Vanessa mentioned she’d had their mussels and we should get them cuz they were SO GOOD. I said I’d never had mussels before in my life. WHAT?! She couldn’t believe it and said I must try them. So I did.

SWEET BABY JESUS. Next thing I knew, I look up and half the mussel shells are on my plate, empty, and I’m .02 seconds from lifting the bowl to my mouth to slurp the last of the juice.

I woke up wanting mussels for breakfast. This is a problem.

I’m grateful for creatives. Last night we were fortunate enough to be invited by friends (same ones from dinner) to an art reception showcasing the works of around 40 artists. As we walked around I was blown away by the amazing art in that building. I loved hearing artists talk about what inspired them to paint certain pieces, or take particular photos, because there’s a history behind every work…a soul behind the canvas, if you will. I adored seeing their eyes light up, and hearing the enthusiasm in their voices as they talked about their passion.

I get them. I understand that feeling of being compelled to create, but at the same time, not really understanding this crazy-imperative urge. And that need for others to love what you do, but more than that…to understand what you do. It was nice to be around my people is what I’m sayin’.

Plus my husband bought me a kick-ass necklace. You know, to support the arts…

I’m grateful for my hysterical children. Okay, maybe they’re more weird than hysterical, but right now, this very second as I type, my youngest is upstairs singing at the top of his lungs, “My penis is beautiful!”

You can’t make this stuff up, people. (what is it with boys and their thingies??? GAH)

Aside from that, they are so witty and crack me up constantly. The other day we’re all four in the car, and the hubs and I are discussing something about the boys when our 9yo interrupts from the backseat, “Uh…you know we can hear you. This is just offensive.”

I’m grateful for the blogging community. I’m seeing a trend that’s enlightened me to some commonalities among bloggers. Most of them are introverts, or at least were as children; have suffered from anxiety, at some form, at some point in their lives; because of an introverted nature, a yearn to connect or have a feeling of solidarity exists; are extremely empathetic; are incredibly supportive and generous; are smart, creative people who, at the very least, love to write; and who are some of the strongest, funniest people I’m honored to call my friends. I don’t think I’ve ever been more pleasantly surprised by anything as I’ve been by bloggers. I learn from and am inspired by them each day, and couldn’t be more proud to be a part of this crazy-wonderful tribe.

I’m grateful I have access for my friend’s memories My memory is fried. Between motherhood and anti-seizure medicine (a.k.a. migraine meds) I’m a zombie –  so when I don’t remember…oh, say…yesterday, I rely on others. This came in handy yesterday when I had no idea what to wear for the aforementioned art reception, and was on the phone with bestie, Robyn, warning her of my impending outfit dilemma and the downward spiral that was sure to follow. The following was our conversation, to the best of my memory:

Robyn: How ’bout a dress? Why don’t you wear a pretty dress?
Me: I don’t own a dress
Robyn: Yes you do. What about that pretty silver one, don’t you have a silvery/grey one?
Me: I’ve never had a silver dress in my life
Robyn: Yes you did. You wore a pretty silvery dress on a date with Jim like a year ago…with red flats.
Me: Red slacks? What are you talking about?
Robyn: Yes, I remember it. Go look in your closet. You wore it with cute little red flats. You sent me a picture of your outfit that night.
Me: Are you saying slacks? Like tights? *walks to closet*
Robyn: No, you idiot. Flats, like shoes. (she’s sweet)
Me: *Lightbulb* OH MY GREY BANANA REPUBLIC DRESS!
Robyn: There she is….

Thank you, Beanie, for your steel trap of a memory, and for staying on the phone with me for 45 minutes while I tried on that dress with two different pair of tights, two different pair of shoes, and choosing the accompanying cardigan, and waiting while I texted you photos of all of them for your approval. Once again, you saved my ass.

I’m grateful for rule breaking. Cuz this is TEN things of thankful, and although I’m thankful for a million things, this post is getting too long so I’m stopping here. LIKE A BOSS. BOOM. EPIC AND SHIT. HOLY SHIT BALLS (<that one was for you, Amanda) and all those other sayings I like.

Ten Things of Thankful

How Hubba Bubba Saved Me From Lukey Dukey.

This is a post for the fabulous Finish The Sentence Friday, in which this week’s prompt is…

When I was a kid I thought…

HUBBA BUBBA bubble gum (GRAPE to be exact) gave me super powers

super-hero-girl-14418762

SUPER BETH!

Specifically the ability to be outrageously fast. This was important because at my daycare all the girls were constantly chased by a dastardly villain named Lukey Dukey, a moniker he earned by being such a royal shit. He mercilessly chased us during recess, driving some girls to tears. But not I. Because if I reached in my pocket and got my grape Hubba Bubba,

Hubba Bubba Gum photo: hubba bubba 2006090354hubba-bubba-mix-pack.jpg

Unleash The Power

and even just smelled the wrapper….I was g-o-n-e like a flash of lightning!!

lightning-bolt-430640

Lukey Dukey never caught me, much to his chagrin.

*P.S. This is a story my husband has requested I not share at his work functions any more. In my defense, it was an office baby shower and there happened to be frickin’ Grape Hubba Bubba for a party game. WHAT ARE THE ODDS?!

*P.P.S. My husband would like me to add that he’s not a douche nozzle. It’s just that this particular function was the first time his work people met me, so he thought I should save such stories for when they knew my “unique” personality better. *eye roll*

Hubba Bubba Gum photo: Hubba Bubba Bubble Gum 17ffdf32.jpg

Finish the Sentence Friday

Lucy! You’ve Got Some ‘Splaining To Do!

I think every relationship has a Lucy and a Ricky. The Lucy obviously being the one who’s always getting into trouble, having to be reminded of everything, can be expected to screw up, etc. In our marriage, that’s yours truly. Or it was. Until this past Spring….

My husband and his buddy decided they could build a patio cover for our existing arbor by themselves. Who needs professionals, right? They had “built stuff” before and owned lots of tools, that’s all it requires, right? With an almost cocky confidence and a case of beer, they set off to make a patio cover. I begged Jim to call someone qualified was slightly doubtful, but tried to be optimistic. After all, this DIY project had the potential to save us thousands of dollars.

My Bob Vilas

My Bob Vilas working hard

For two solid weekends they toiled on our arbor until announcing it was finished. They couldn’t wait for the first rain to test their labor of love. We all stood underneath the patio, anxiously looking up. Hey, no leaks! It actually worked! They patted themselves on the back and strutted like peakcocks for days.

About a month later we had torrential rain for a solid week. One morning I stepped on the tile at the backdoor to let the dog out, and it squished under my feet! Water was bubbling through the grout! As I inspected the area (in a panic at this point) I noticed a giant bulge in the drywall over the door.

Uh...dear...I think there's a problem

Uh…dear…I think there’s a problem

Turns out there wasn’t enough of an incline for rainwater run-off because my Bob-the-Blunders didn’t think the type of shingles they used would need it. Also, in their infinite wisdom, they hadn’t put up splash guard, so now gallons of rainwater was being absorbed by porous grout and sucked into our house….along the entire length of the family room. I suddenly could relate with Walter from Money Pit, in that delirious moment when the bathtub falls through the floor and he comes completely unglued in hysterical fits of laughter.

we didn't need that money anyway

we didn’t need that money anyway

What I didn’t realize until months of tile replacement, cussing, caulking, check writing, ranting quiet meditation was the gift this colossal F#@* UP truly was. In that moment, every idiotic thing I’d done up to that point was erased. I was a clean slate, and frankly, would never have to worry about doing stupid shit again, because nothing ever, ever, never, ever is going to trump the time Jim rotted the back of the house off.

I’m the new Ricky, and damn if these pants aren’t comfortable!

Does your relationship have a Ricky/Lucy dynamic? If so, which are you? Have you or your other half ever done anything SO bad the tables turned? DO TELL!

It’s A Bird! It’s A Plane! It’s An…Otter?

I have a special story coming out to play today. A legend, really. Remember my loon-bird family? (if you’re new here, read this) Well, one of them came to my house dressed as a Superhero Otter once. I shit you negative. Let me explain.

It all started when a conversation began about what super power you’d choose if you could. My family had no trouble picking theirs, ranging everywhere from mind-control to invisibility. This morphed into picking actual Superhero identities, and yes, even designing hypothetical costumes cuz we’re weird detail oriented like that. But this story is about Aunt Anne, who chose to be the Superhero Otter, because they have the power make people smile and diffuse uncomfortable situations with their water acrobatics and undeniable cuteness.

One day my eldest son – nearly four at the time –  was home sick from preschool when Aunt Anne called. We were chatting away when my son demanded to know who I was talking to. Aunt Anne said, “tell him it’s the Superhero Otter.” Upon hearing this he wanted to speak to her, of course. They spoke on the phone for a few minutes while I watched my son’s eyes light up with wonder.

Because things can’t be dropped at this stage in my family, an idea grew that Superhero Otter would come visit my son; he had questions, after all, and wanted to see this Otter in person. My Aunt is not one to let little boys down. One might assume she just bought a mask and came over one day.

*throws head back in laughter*

Nearly six weeks later, she arrived at our door in a handmade, head-to-toe otter costume, complete with whiskers and claws. The hubs and I could barely keep a straight face. Her voice was diguised with a deeper, huskier one. She brought fried fish to share for lunch, and real seashells for my son to keep. She spent over an hour with him, chatting and answering his many questions. My son was amazed, mesmerized, gobsmacked! He took her by the paw and showed her his room and toys. It was all at once the most bizarre, hilarious, precious thing I’d ever witnessed.

Yes, our now 9yo still believes in the Superhero Otter, as does our 6yo. Periodically, Otter leaves small toys and shells hidden around the house to let them know she’s been there to check on them. And they know if they ever need help, all they have to do is think to her real hard, and she’ll always be there for them.

Someday they’ll learn the truth about Santa, the Tooth Fairy, and the Easter Bunny. But Otter will sting the most. Or will it? For the boys to know Aunt Anne cares so much about them she would go to these lengths just to entertain and be a part of their lives….I hope, if anything, it proves to them Superheroes really do exist.

If I could pick a power it’d be the ability to instantaneously time travel, any place, any era. Let’s play! What would your power be? Who’s your inner Superhero? Do you have someone in your life that could be defined as a Superhero? I LOVE your comments!

The Apple Don’t Fall Far From The Nut Tree

One of my favorite childhood recollections is one where my whole family is gathered around the table for a big holiday meal. I glance over, and there’s one of my aunts looking right at me, completely serious…with an entire stalk of broccoli hanging out of her nose.

This is my family in a nutshell.

The most consistent theme running through my family memories is humor. Not just witty remarks and fart jokes, we’re talking complete lunacy. It would take a novel to recount all the bizarre/hilarious stories (and don’t think for a second I haven’t thought of that), but a recent conversation on a group email stream inspired me to really think about where I come from. The following conversation is verbatim, except where it isn’t, and yes, they are being completely serious. *names have been changed to protect the deranged. **yes, everyone still calls me Bethie, which I adore.

Polly: Meredith, do you have my braid of hair?

Anne: Yes, I believe I do. It’s somewhere around here in a paper bag.

Marge: Aunt Destiny’s hair? That has to go to Bethie when we’re all gone.

Polly: No, I’m talking about my hair. Aunt Destiny’s hair is being kept by Karen and probably won’t go to Bethie, although you never know. It does have to stay in the family. If they run out of people to hand it down to, it will have to come this way.

Me: What the what? A bag. Of hair. Why does Anne have a bag with your hair in it (ew)? And why is there some other hair (who is Aunt Destiny? that’s a stripper name btw) and why does her hair have to stay in the family? IAMNOTTAKINGIT.

Polly: Aunt Destiny’s hair is charmed. It is carried to ward off evil and disease. Generations ago, she died at a young age but had magnificent hair which they cut at her death. The family thought it brought good luck (but not for Aunt Destiny). So they kept it. Now our cousin Karen has it.

Marge: We’re a very superstitious family.

Me: How can I just be finding out about this? A bag of dead-girl-charmed-hair is a big matzo ball. You can’t just drop that in casual conversation. Wait, why does Anne have a paper bag of your hair, Polly?  Don’t tell me yours is “charmed” too? *winces while waiting for answer*f

Jane: What until you hear about the knife from Da’s shop. You’ll probably get that too.

Me: WHAT

Polly: Don’t listen to her. My hair is just from when I cut it all off ages ago. You couldn’t give it to the Cancer Society back then, so you just kept it. Somehow Anne ended up with it.

Me: Uh-huh. I can’t believe I’m going to ask this, but if your hair is in a paper bag, what is the charmed hair in?

Polly: An ivory case

Me: Of course it is

This is my family. They’re zany, superstitious, clever, dramatic, funny, creative, and you should avoid taking them in public.  I wouldn’t have it any other way.

How would you describe your family? Does yours have strange traditions or superstitions? Are there things about yourself you’re glad you got from them? Can’t wait to hear from you!

 

Lock Jaw and Night Vision, Heed the Farning!

Definition: Farning. Using fear to impress danger upon someone. ex: Don’t eat that or you’ll die. My mom was the master of this. Still is actually. She’s very…mmm…dramatic is a good word. I say this with affection. Probably.

I bring this up because many of her farnings had a definite effect on me. I guess this is a good thing when your intent is to keep a child from potential harm, but what if it continues well into adulthood? Here’s a sampling of my nut farm childhood:

1. Don’t talk on the phone during a storm or lightning will strike the house, go through the phone line and fry you like an egg. (even though this is only relevant if you’re on an “old fashioned” plug-in phone, I still won’t talk on my cell phone during storms)

2. If you get scraped by a rusty nail and you’re behind on tetanus you’ll get lock jaw and night vision. (Can you imagine the visual I had of this as a six year old? Although I’m intrigued by the idea of night vision, I’m still horrified by lock-jaw, cuz LOCK JAW)

3. Check all canned foods for botulism. If you eat something with botulism you’ll die within 5 minutes. (I still obsessively check cans for the “pop” and will not use one if it has even a tiny dent. I was so paranoid about this, I wouldn’t even eat canned food unless someone else was home until I was well into my twenties)

4. If you see a van driving next to you, RUN! Kidnappers drive vans and grab little kids and you’ll never see your family again. (um…no joke, I’m still scared shitless of vans. In fact, I’m quite skittish and always feel vulnerable when out in the open. My BFF finds this highly amusing)

5. Don’t take hot showers if you’re on your period, you could pass out, and could hit your head on the tile and drown. (*blank stare*) (To be honest, I think I heard this one from Girl Scouts, but my mom added the fear element of a head injury and possible drowning because merely “passing out” wasn’t enough of a warning. Obviously)

Now, maybe I was a super sensitive kid who took warnings very literal and that’s why they affected me so profoundly. OR, maybe the farnings were a bit too…hmm….harsh given my age at the time and could have been phrased more gently. *shrug* But it does give me pause when considering how to warn my own kids. For instance:

I see my 9yo playing in the street the other day. My warning, “get out of the street, you could get hit by a car” is no longer making an impact. I can tell. Cuz he’s still in the street. Herein lies my dilemma. How far do I go to impress upon him the gravity of the situation while not causing him to cower in the house the rest of his life cuz of mommy’s colorful description of brain matter on the asphalt?

When my 6yo is scared/mad he’ll run out of the house and hide under one of our cars (charming, btw). A few Saturdays ago he was upset he was being left with a sitter and did just that. The sitter was already in the house. The hubs and I had somewhere to be. I stomped walked patiently to the car. He was wedged all the way in the middle and refused to budge. What did I do? I reverted to what I knew.

“Hurry and get out from under there! There’s a storm coming, you can’t be near large metal objects when there’s lightning!” (FYI, there really were *storm clouds.)

Awful, or not? I mean, that’s true about lightning, everyone knows that. And it worked! We got him inside and made our movie on time. Yes, he’s terrified of lightning now, but he already sort of was so I still see this as a WIN.

The thing is, I know my mom’s heart was in the right place. I get it. I bring it up all in fun, I mean, if it wasn’t for her farnings, how would I know to go through my kid’s Halloween candy for signs of foul play. You know, cuz Mom warned me how people stick needles in Tootsie Rolls to inject cyanide, and open Reece’s Peanut Butter Cups to insert razor blades and then replace the wrappers.

WHAT.

*by storm clouds I mean some grey clouds on the horizon. And by grey clouds on the horizon I mean an airplane. Shut up. That plane was ominous as shit.

So how far is too far? Was I just overly sensitive as a kid? Do you use fear to keep your kids safe? Did your parents ever give you farnings that still stick with you? I LOVE hearing from you!

Drugs and Sideboob Gratitude Tenfold.

I awoke this morning picking remnants of clingy migraine cobwebs off my brain. The storm has passed, yet I can still see lightning on the horizon, taunting me. I don’t get them much anymore thanks to a daily prescription I’ve been on for the past five years, but every once in a while one sneaks through and reminds how life used to be. Which brings me to number one of my Ten Things of Thankful list:

1. Migraine Drugs. Not only my daily, but also the Big Daddy that massacres any beastly ogre that manages to crash through the castle walls. When the migraine wasn’t gone after two days, I took the Big Daddy drug and SMASHED THE MOFO. I should’ve taken it a day earlier, but I haven’t had to take Big Daddy in several years and, quite frankly, forgot about it. Thank you, drugs. You are no joke and come with side-effects that make me appear dingier than I really am sometimes, but at least I have a life now. You have no idea how grateful I am for you.

2. SIDEBOOB!!! WHY ON EARTH WOULD I BE GRATEFUL FOR SIDEBOOB THAT’S INSANE!! Because it’s an AWARD SILLY! The Golden Sideboob Award, not only created by Lizzi of Considerings, but awarded to me by her as well. This award is for, and I quote, brazenness and hilarity, to be valued by its recipients as a symbol of their awesomeness. Well hot damn, color me honored!! Thank you, Lizzi! I’m quite proud of this award. If there is one thing I try to be it’s honestly funny. Or is it hilariously brazen? Either way, it’s cool to be noticed for it, and even more cool coming from an awesomerockin’, extraordinary, supportive, zany, uber-creative blogger such as Lizzi Rogers. I also gather it’s sort of a dare to see if the recipient will display it on their blog, which I don’t even really see as a dare but more of a privilege since I’m clearly a fan of all things round and hangy, so here goes!

The Golden Sideboob

Now, I’m supposed to award this to one other blogger who I feel is brazenly-hilarious-awesome, hasn’t already received it, and who I also think will display it on their blog. Turns out that’s easier said than done – to pick just one, that is. The next Golden Sideboob Award shall go to:

Kari of Miss bloggypants. I’m new to her blog but so far I love her honesty and she’s made me laugh out loud. I like that combo. Plus, she has a great About page and we both like minty sweets. AND AND AND this is her one year blogging anniversary! WOOP! I don’t know if she accepts awards, but I’m throwing this her way anyway. Happy Anniversary, Kari.

In the tradition of breaking rules (which I’m known for) I’d also like to nominate one other blogger who I believe displays awesomeness that deserves to be spotlighted: Mike over at Joe Floggers. He’s super talented and cool. And he has four grown kids who ALL had braces. I mean….
Plus, I kinda wanna see if he has the cajones to display it on his blog.

Congrats, guys. I genuinely admire both of you.

3. Milo, my dog, who (in my husband’s absence this weekend while he does an out-of-town triathlon. Good luck! Woop!) slept on the Hub’s side of the bed with his head on the pillow like a human and even snored so I wouldn’t feel lonely. Who does that? Milo does, that’s who.

4. My BFF’s longer commute for her new job. She hates it, but I love it because she calls me everyday on her way home. With her longer commute, we now get close to an hour to yap! Some days she is the first adult human I speak to all day. She is the person I can say anything to, ANYTHING. No matter how awful, snarky, or bitchy I sound, and vice-versa. Good posts have come out of those talks. I don’t think I would be sane without them.

5. HALLOWEEN! I have my first Halloween party of the year to attend tonight and I’m so excited! The kids are invited and we all get to dress up – yay! I hope to have photos to share tomorrow. I LOVE to dress up for Halloween. In the past few years I’ve been a witch (2 years in a row and then the kids said I scared them too much), a vampiress, and then Little Red Riding in the Hood last year (notice IN the hood, sort of a pimped out L.R.Riding Hood, pictured below.). Any guesses what I’m going to be this year? HINT: I want to try gory makeup. muwahahahaha.

me and the ghouls

6.  Mike, Clark or any straight man reading this: I apologize in advance. I’m very thankful for the link I’m about to share. Let’s just say it got me through this week. Sometimes a girl just needs a little eye candy to get through the day and Dracula hasn’t premiered yet, so without further ado:
for the ladies (& some guys)  (<<< Hit that linky. You won’t be sorry. Ask Lizzi)

7. I’m ending at seven because I like this number, but also because I’ve tortured you all enough. This has been a long post. I’ll save my other thankfuls for another day. My kiddos are awaiting entertainment and the hubs isn’t here to do it today (but will be home in a few hours in case you are a psycho-killer reading this. My husband is a muscly bad-ass SUCKA). Have a great weekend  everyone!

Ten Things of Thankful

MIDNIGHT ABYSS: Author Interview with Jennifer M Zeiger

IT’S MIDNIGHT IN THE ABYSS…DO YOU KNOW WHERE YOUR DARKLINGS ARE?

MACover-DraftFinal

As a ginormous fan of things that go bump in the night, I jumped at the chance to interview one of the nine authors of an exciting collection of spine tingling delights set to launch on HALLOWEEN. I mean, could you ask for a better release date?? (The answer to that is hell-to-the-no)

I’m here today with contributing author to Midnight Abyss, Jennifer M. Zeiger. I’m a HUGE fan of the adventure stories she writes on her blog so I’m beyond thrilled to have her hanging out on mine for a bit. She’s been generous enough to answer some questions about herself and the book.

Who are all the authors of Midnight Abyss?
In addition to me, we have Doug Langille, Gregory K Shipman, Shaun Adams, Raymond Tabaygo, Matthew X. Gomez, Theresa Briscoe Tschetter , Anisa A. Claire, and Kelleigh Perry.

Except for Anisa and Kelleigh (who are the masterminds behind all of this), I think we all met on Writer’s Carnival, which is a workshop site for writers. We’ve never met face to face. It boggles my mind how, in this day and age, such collaboration can happen without actually meeting. We span geographically from Canada, East to West coasts of the U.S., to the Isle of Wight in England!

Ah yes, Writer’s Carnival. I think I’ve heard of them (wink, wink:). The cover is awesome! Who designed it?
I love the cover=) Something about it just makes me think ‘that’s perfect!’ And this is another aspect of this collaboration that worked out really well. Anisa’s husband designed it for free. (As some of you know, in the self-publishing world, design stuff can cost a lot.) He does a lot of the design work for Writer’s Carnival and made up several ideas for the cover for Midnight Abyss just to give us options. This is the one that won the vote=)

Was the title a collaboration?
Yes. I missed that Google Hangout, darn it! But couldn’t be happier with the title. Everyone’s so creative in the group that sometimes I feel like I need to up my game or I’ll miss the creative bus=)

Did you learn anything about self-publishing you didn’t know before?
All sorts of things. I was always under the impression that self-publishing was really expensive, and it can be. But it doesn’t have to be. The key is to make connections and to not be afraid to ask for help. Most of the time, people are more than willing to lend a hand if they can.

I’ve also learned a lot about marketing. I’ve always looked at marketing as an annoying aspect of self-publishing but it doesn’t have to be that way. What really makes marketing work, in my humble, inexperienced opinion, is the human connection. Anisa and Kelleigh are really good at this. They’ll spend an hour on Twitter and have conversations with a dozen people. They build the relationship and everything else falls into place naturally.

Those are probably the two biggest things I learned.

How many stories does each author contribute to the book?
Most of us contributed two stories. One long piece between 5,000-7,500 words and one short piece under 1,500 words. Some of the authors used poems too, so there’s a nice variety.

Is this the typical genre you write? What inspires you?
a. Fantasy’s my typical genre. Sometimes I’ll add a darker element to my stories but Midnight Abyss was a stretch for me since it’s horror and dark fantasy. It’s great for my writing because it challenged me to dig deeper, to figure out what scares me and makes me feel emotion.

b. Sneaky Beth, you put two questions in one=) What inspires me? Reading’s a big one. I’ll finish a book and want to sit down to write immediately. Usually whatever I write has a flavor from whatever I read. If I just read romance, I’ll write a more emotional scene or if I read something along the lines of action, I’ll write something with swords or thievery.

Scenery. I love the mountains, the trees in the fall, the smell of pine, fresh fallen snow… but I also love to see new places. Each new place sparks ideas for me. I want to capture all that makes a place unique whether it’s apples growing on trees or types of stones found on the beach or fields growing with wheat. It all inspires me to add texture, depth, to the stories I write.

And I’d say people inspire me. Things people say, the way they act, their views of the world. People are amazing and diverse. And they’re a wealth of ideas. They’re the stuff of stories.

How do you feel now that it’s done and about to be published?
Wow, that was a wild ride! And still is. Unlike with traditional publishing, we don’t have a marketing team working with us, so we’re still working on getting the word out. That work won’t be done for a while, but having a finished product feels amazing. Holding a hard copy book with my name on it, indescribable.

Are you working on any other projects right now?
Several. I’m always working on the blog and the stories and adventures I post there. It keeps me rolling, as it were=)

I’m also working on a novel involving dryads and werecats. I’m about 50,000 words into that one and hope to have the first draft finished by the end of the year.

And lastly, I’ve the first novel I wrote, Escaping Shadows, that I’ve been shopping around to agents. It’s the first in a trilogy, so I’m also working on editing Racing Shadows and Chasing Shadows.

Needless to say, I stay busy when I’m not at my 9-5=) 

To learn more about Midnight Abyss:
Facebook: Midnight Abyss

Twitter: @AbyssMidnight

Goodreads: Midnight Abyss I believe we’re going to do some giveaways for reviews here, so that’s definitely something to look forward to.

Tumblr: TheMidnightAbyss.tumblr.com

Jennifer’s blog

Thank You Jennifer for a great interview, and for yet another reason to be excited about Halloween!!!