adam levine

Nudie Resorts And The Ass Dance

You probably saw the title and thought, “definitely a Beth post”, but this time the words aren’t mine, I swear! I have to thank Sandy for inspiring me to look up search terms people have used that led to my blog. According to some of the searches, these people are perverted weirdos. No problem there. That there’s my tribe.

 

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“Crap It”, And Other Profound Thoughts

The most unexpected part of being a grownup is….

Things like this still happen to me:

After all these years, I’m still the dingy blonde I was in my youth. Naively positive. Mostly oblivious. Probably shouldn’t be allowed to drive a motorized vehicle. But I’m entertaining, so there’s that. *sigh* (more…)

That’s What She Said Last Night

HAPPY 25th ANNIVERSARY TToT!

I’m pretty sure Lizzi hinted something to the effect of naked people and a cake?! Well, that’s what I heard so that’s what I’m goin’ with. I had better see some nudity, preferably in the form of a hot man. I call licking the spoon!

Ten Things of Thankful

Uhhh, I see cupcakes, but no hottie. WTF? I guess I have to take matters into my own hands, AS USUAL. Please take the time to peruse the at least 15 extra special cakey new additions to my *special* Pinterest board. It was tough research, but I think you’ll appreciate the outcome. Enjoy. I know Lizzi will.

ANYway, I have plenty to be thankful for, but am also a bit panicked because as I’m typing it’ll be just *looks at watch* four hours before my two boys will be home from school for the next nine days. NINE DAYS. This is something to be grateful for. Probably. And I am. A little. But part of me is also squinching (that’s a word, autocorrect!) because of all the writing still on my plate that I’m clearly not going to finish this month as I’d hoped. I sort of forgot about that whole nine days I’m home with the kids right after five days with my family. So I’m taking the pressure off myself *lifts off and throws*. I’ll finish when I finish. *sticks tongue out at no one in particular*

Now on to some fun stuff, you know, since I have no more pressure on me. Yippeeee!

I’m thankful the pressure to finish all my editing this month is gone. Thank you, Beth! Oh, no problem! You’re so welcome! You’re the best! No, you are. No YOU are. Stop! You stop!

I’m thankful for birthdays, namely my good friend, Kathy’s, because she always chooses our favorite Ethiopian restaurant, Queen of Sheba, to have her birthday meal, and it’s always the best day ever. The aromas…the tastes….the whole experience is transcendent. Happy Birthday, Kathy! I had SO much fun. See you in a few weeks for mine. Guess where we’re goin? My mouth is watering already. yebeg

I’m thankful that my almost-fiancé-sextape-partner Adam Levine was chosen sexiest man alive by People magazine! Wooop! Good job, sugar-buns! Way to work it!

adam levine photo: adam-levine- adam-levine--1.jpg

….and thankful/tickled that people went out of their way to text and call me, alerting me of the above news. The fact that others associate me with him is the most fun thing EVAH. My work is done. Now if I can just get him to do it….*taps finger on chin deviously*

I’m am infinitely thankful for maid services. I don’t use them on a regular basis, but every so often I have a full cleaning done…and ermergahrd…I have two boys who keep me picking up after them constantly….to come home to this e-n-t-I-r-e house immaculate….all at once…I have three words for you: better than sex.

I’m so very grateful for Movember, because beards. BEARDS. Facial hair is sexy as hell. Doesn’t have to be full beards, in fact, I prefer goatees, scruff, shadows…ohemgee…hot. This is my favorite time of year. The hubs is looking scrumptious.

I’m grateful for the weather, and this will count for two thankfuls:

a) for bringing cold weather so I can live in beanie hats for the next three months.

b) for bringing “fronts” and “pressure systems” and “drama weather” so I can finally win the weatherman argument with my husband! Our one biggest, never ending disagreement is over meteorology. He thinks weatherman are as full of shit as palm readers (hey – I love me a palm reader!) and I happen to respect the profession. I mean, it’s based on science, people. SCIENCE. I digress…

weather-reporter-21902681

Watching the weather at our house is down right comical because I staunchly defend them while he’s busting out an exaggerated forecaster impersonation, which is actually funny so I try desperately not to laugh. Jim knows, he KNOWS, they are right more often than not, he just won’t admit it. This Winter I’m making a graph…I’ll show him….muwahahah. Last night they predicted a strong front bringing cold and rain. IT HAPPENED.

Weatherman – 1, Jim – bigfatzero.   SUCKIT

I’m thankful for last minute babysitters! We’re going to the movies – WOOP! I think we’re seeing…..oh, who am I kidding. I don’t even know. I’m in it for the popcorn….

pop

Yes. That’s a stein of wine.

(We saw “The Armstrong Lie”. It was pretty interesting. But I drank a freakin’ gallon of wine. The Smurfs would’ve been interesting.)

And that’s ten! No no no, don’t go back and count….it’s ten. Shhh. shhhh *pets your hair* Now go on to comments and tell me what you’re thankful for, or join up with the TToT group yourself! Do you trust weatherman? Come on, pick a side! Are you on Team Beth or Team Loser Jim? I heart your comments BIG!

Fangs, Tattoos, And A Secret? Come To Momma.

Okay, I get this a lot, where I have so much going on in my head at once that I don’t know where to start. THANK GOD it’s too early for any of my friends to call, they wouldn’t get a word in edgewise.

My friends are reading this right now and wincing nodding cuz they know it’s true. You never know what you get when you call me. A normal conversation – OR – you say hi and then there is this pop like when you open a tube of biscuit dough and that’s it: I don’t stop for a solid twenty.

Consider the biscuit dough popped.

This post is interactive! A lot of the info I am putting forth is so much more fun if it’s conversational! Respond and it’ll be like we’re talking about this stuff over the phone with coffee…but not.

And to my FRIENDS (you know who you are!) who say, “I’m scared to comment cuz I don’t know how to say stuff all eloquent like your writer friends.” First of all, have you read the comments before? No one is trying to be eloquent. (BTW, the comment section is hysterical, so do yourself a favor, seriously) Secondly, I’m talking about fun stuff. Fucking comment. See the bubble, up by the title, near the date that has a number and the word comment? Press it. Then say stuff. I’ll give you a sucker.

Anyway, for your part, I will put the text in this color. Pay attention and play along! This will be fun. DO IT. (I do not under any circumstance have a shiv in my hand right now)

I’M FREAKING EXCITED! The premiers start this week and I’m coming unglued about it! I know I shouldn’t be this excited about TV, but damnit I am and I’m not going to hide it! Here’s what I plan to watch:

Monday: The Voice. Of course I’m Team Adam! (It’s a link. Hit it. You back yet? You’re welcome.) As you know from This Post (click that link to read it later), Adam and I were almost engaged once. Fer reals. He was very hurt when I chose my hubs over him. He wrote songs about it. And got a tattoo. Probably.

Do you watch the voice? If so, are you going to miss Shakira and Usher? I am. Very much. I liked them better. I don’t hate the original cast-o-judges, I just preferred S. & U. Also, if you were on the voice and had a 4 chair turn-a-round, who would you pick? Off the subject: Sleepy Hollow. Never seen it. Should I?

I’m also very curious about the premier of a new show that night, Hostages. I’m intrigued, but it has the potential to not deliver. We’ll see. Love Toni Collette, and Dylan McDermott is nothing to sneeze at either.

Tuesday: The Voice is on again, but other than that I don’t know what to be watching Tuesdays. What’s The Originals about? Should I watch it?

Wednesday: Survivor. I know, you might be thinking, Survivor? You still watch that? YES. Yes I do. It’s still awesome. And wanna know a little secret? There’s always a little eye candy. Always at least one cute guy, and then he gets even cuter when he turns all scruffy, skinny, and strung out looking by day 20. HOT. Watch it. Do you watch Survivor? If so, what do you think of the line-up this season? Are you rooting for anyone yet? Who annoys you already? If you don’t watch it, what do you watch Wednesdays? Anything I should be taping?

 Thursday: NBC’s entire line-up, of course. What else? I’ll tape The Crazy Ones over on CBS that night, too. If you haven’t heard of it, it’s a new show with Sarah Michelle Gellar and ROBIN WILLIAMS, that looks freaking hysterical. Keep your eye on it – this could be a good one. What are your Thursday night faves? BTW, what’s going on over at Bravo? What do I need to be watching/taping? OMG – how am I going to have time for all this??

Friday: And what could possible be on Friday night, Beth? I’LL TELL YOU. Friday’s are special cuz I get to hang with my favorite things in the world, paranormals! GRIMM is replaying last season so everyone can get caught up and refreshed for their season 3 premier 10/25 – YAY! I might have a huge, unhealthy little crush on the lead character, Nick Burkhart (click and see how cute he is. I mean…right?).

Are you seeing a theme with my “boyfriends”? They’re either bad boys, or are good guys tormented by dark secrets (like, oops, I turn into a monster sometimes). YUM. And if he has fangs, tattoos, looks all tortured, AND has a secret….I just slid outta my chair. It’s okay, the hubs tolerates gets me and has no choice lets me have my little crushes. Hell, I still sleep in a Cullen #17 baseball T-shirt. (that was a Twilight reference for those of you that didn’t read the series) I might have a problem am totally stable.

ANYway, If you’ve never watched this show, do yourself a favor. It’s so well done and just good fun. Immediately following GRIMM is a new show, Dracula. Don’t know much about it, but it had me at Dracula. I hope it’s good, and I hope the vampires are sexy compelling. Do you watch GRIMM? If you were a wesen, what kind would you be? A werewolf like Monroe? An entirely new type of creature? A recognizable creature from a fable?

I’m sure there are other great shows I’m forgetting, but these are the ones premiering right now on local channels that I’m most excited about. Soon, DOWNTOWN ABBEY will be starting back with their season 4  – YAY! And VEEP on HBO is pee in your pants funny!

Tell me your favorite shows! Are there any I absolutely MUST be watching? Thank you for tolerating my thought vomit today!

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